Perspective

It's been a long long time, and a difficult time too.

But time for some perspective, while some Arse fans - along with the usual ADHD-afflicted British media - start with their usual chicken-litleesque hyperventilation.

First, if you've been an Arsenal fan long enough, and by this I mean long before the Invincibles, 1997-98, and head back into to 80's or so - then you'd realise this: we're having a pretty good season.

I've seen worse, I've been there when getting to Littlewoods Cup semi-final was the biggest moment of my life; when winning 1-0 against Nottingham Forest was big shit, and when our shorts were way too short.

So let's get over it. Yes, we may get Jens Lehmann back. Yes, this may be the start of the slide, and yes, as I'd said long before, we need a new captain, etc etc. But let's face it. What would you rather? Be a Spurs fan and celebrate getting into the quarters? Be a Bolton fan and have an FA Cup semi to relish? Or be a Manciti fan, and be rather content with 3rd in the table?

Well, don't know about you. I'm rather pleased with Arsenal. I could be happier. Much happier. But shit, watching a jumpy stream of an irrelevant Arsenal 5- Leyton Orient 0 still gives me pleasure. And in 10 years, when Arsene's gone, and Cesc's gone, and when Jack Wilshere's captain, I'll still be here.

Oh yeah. Forgot. We're still three points behind with a game in hand. Not bad for a so-so season, would you not say?

F@*!-ing Rich

As is evident from the lack of activity here at the Arsewiper, I haven't had the luxury of time these days. Notwithstanding this, however, I felt I had to say something today.

Not about our 1-1 draw with bloody Leyton Oriental Supermarket - just what we need, another injury-inducing tie. (I say just thrown the damn tie, man!)

Not the great 1-0 win over Pubis's Stokes. Who says we can't win ugly? Reeeeaally ugly?

And not on the rather poetically apt injuries to Theo and Cesc.

Rather, my story centres on the weird alternate universe of Barcelona FC.

So there's news on us grabbing another 16 year-old kid from the Camp Nou. Some dude called Jon Toral who has an English mother. (This just to stress ultimately that his DNA therefore isn't entirely tainted with red and blue). First, you have to say why. But doesn't really matter, does it? We do these things. Just for fun. Second, though, is how Sandra from Barca has characterised it all:

"We told the Arsenal directors that we knew they were after Toral and we told them we didn't like it - as any president would have said. Legally they have done nothing wrong but it's a little immoral."

Immoral? Immoral??? Pardonnez-moi, and mind the Latin, but fucking immoral??

These fools are out there talking to us about morals? Is there even a word for that in Catalan? Moral?

I suppose then, that having every damn sucker with UNICEF on his shirt talking about Cesc, throwing a Barca shirt on our captain, and all that...is, what? Perfectly moral?

As is clear (from them), morals has got nothing to do with shit in football these days. So, Sandra, you can take your morals and...well, find a nice orifice, and stick it in.

Fool.

So there. Back to the real world. Sunday beckons, doesn't it??

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Cue: Song from Life of Brian.

Anyhows, short one.

I was looking for headlines for some kind of mass suicide among men in red and white (including professional footballers, and one old-ish Frenchman), but it never came.

It must be that despite our best efforts to shoot ourselves in both feet, including the toes, ankles, shins and basically everywhere from out belly-buttons down, we're still only 4 points behind Man U.

Funny.

And I'm going to continue taking it funnily. The alternative would've been the suicide mentioned above. I think I'm strong enough. I'm just about getting over the most embarassing moment of my life, so it should be fine.

Ciao, as I head back under my rock.

Review: Ipswich 1 - Arsenal 0

So we lost. To Ipswich. Strugglers in the Championship, buggered by Chelski 7-0 three days earlier. So we failed to score again. We thought Leeds with our v.2 team was bad. But to lose with our "A" Team is spectacularly pathetic.

Wenger has been characteristically vacant in his analysis. He thinks it's not time to panic.

Erm, okay. Zero goals from open play in 270 minutes. 180 of which were with obviously lesser teams from lower divisions. We played Cesc and the "A" Team for 90 useless minutes. Now we'll have to deal with the real consequences for a real tie with a real Premier League team on Saturday. Play like this against West Ham, and we sure gonna get embarassed.

We could've been playing Non-League opposition with 10 men, and we still wouldn't have scored. The Ipswich defence was so comfortable, it was downright disgraceful. Them lot should stick their day's wages in the can for charity.

I mean, I'm just glad we got out of Portman Road just one goal to the bad. It could've been worse, and really, it should've been worse. Which, if we take Wenger's advice, ain't nothing to be worried about.

Right...

So, it's now West Ham, Leeds, Wigan and Ipswich in our next four games.

For a team trying to doing something right this season, I can think of four easier games to win. But alas, it's looking scary.

But Wenger thinks it's not panicking time.

Wonder when it's time to start.

When he decides not to buy a defender? Or when get knocked out of both cups and lose to West Ham?

Who knows?

Arsene knows, it seems.

Ta ta. Me going to go be Zen Master now.

Review: Arsenal 1 - Leeds 1

A funny ole game, football. You keep forgetting. It really is a damn funny (read: infuriating) game.

One day, you're proud to be an Arsenal fan, and three days later, we trot out a steamy pile of turd kinda performance.

I'm not really going into the details of the performance, except to say that ultimately, going one nil down was the least surprising event of the 90 minutes, and to list those whose turdy shit performances should once and for all put paid to first team aspirations:

Denilson. As Cesc said in his post-match interview, at this level (where people actually play for a living), that tackle was just utterly pathetic. No way else to describe it. You could discount it that professionals don't usually do these things, so we'll put it down simply to sloppy laziness. Which would also describe a few other would-be challenges later in the game.

Arshavin. Just what Wenger was thinking keeping him on the pitch really befuddles the mind. Wastes the clearest cut chance of the game, and elsewhere, just lethargic, listless and useless.

There were a few other dodgy iffy performances too. Squillaci, who seems more and more the stuff of mid-table challengers; Rosicky, who hasn't really put in a performance since god knows when; Chamakh, who seems to be suffering from a festive loss of form.

Otherwise, Djourou was good as usual, Theo put in a good shift and changed the dynamic.

But it was a typical cup game, and it would've been part of the whole FA Cup deal if we'd actually been dumped out at the first asking. But we haven't, and at the very least, we've got another FA Cup to watch - even if it's going to be as infuriating as the last one. But I still fancy our chances. Leeds will have to come out a tad more at home, and will like us have a few more games in between to get tired out. So we'll see. I mean, we'll have Huddersfield at home once we get through it, so let's just friggin' get it done.

Elsewhere, we've got Ipswich on Wednesday. Mixed feelings about that one actually. They may just get their manager by the time we visit, and we all know what new managers can do the first couple of times out. They also got whipped 7-0 today against Chelski, and professional footballers, like wounded animals, usually get a good dose of adrenalin the next time of asking. So damn. Timing may be bad for another 7-0 drubbing, so maybe a draw might be a good result from Portman Road. (Who'd ever thought I'd say something so daft, but hey, after Leeds...)

Alright then. Later.

Review: Arsenal 0 - Manchester City 0

Well. What can you say? I know. And it's this:

I'm damn proud to be an Arsenal supporter. And to you Manciti fans. If this is what you love, watch day in day out, and think it's worth the millions spent, then to each his own.

Yes, it was a game we should've and could've won. Especially in the first half hour, we played some of the best, most positive, most attractive football I've seen in recent years. Let down mostly by some bad luck, for you can't reasonably expect every chance to translate to goals. Two strikes of the post, one brilliant save, so what more can you ask?

We had excellent performances all through the pitch. From Fabianski, who was alert and up to it the few times called upon. To Djourou, as has been the case in recent games. From Wilshere, who played like someone 10 years older, to Cesc, who at last showed in glimpses what a captain he can be.

So what were we up against? A pretty decent team. Defensively, already the meanest there is in the league. Shame only that they did not see it necessary to open up and make it more attractive attacking game for their travelling supporters.

I suppose Mancini is indeed happy with one point. Clean sheet and an away draw to one of your main rivals is always a good result. But I'd say more so in a two-legged knock out competition than in a league as rich as the Premier League. I mean, yes, you can work towards draws away to your main rivals, and concentrate on picking up points against the so-callled lesser teams. Sounds right, and sounds basically Italian.

But hey - what happened to the notion of the six-pointer? Three for you means three less for your rivals. That's what should make the big games exciting. But again, Mancini has his reasons, and if his Sheikhs so agree, so to each his own. All I can say is that to set up shop and play for a point can be expected and understandable more for a Blackpool and Bolton than for a team as expensively put-together as Manciti. But, to each his own.

As for our Arsenal. No shame. You did good. You came up against a wall. There will other opportunities. We've taken 4 points against Manciti, and that should be a good enough haul, to add to the three we already have from Chelski. Key will be the remaining three up for grabs against Man U.

Player ratings? Probably no need. The starting 11 now probably looks like our top 11, save maybe for Vermaelen. And when you think who we have on the bench with this starting 11, then we can only smile. Arshavin, Rosicky, Bendtner, Chamakh... But that really was the problem as well, I suppose. Our 11 from Saturday starting again on Wednesday.

It's not very often we can feel comfortable in the depth of a relatively injury-free squad, so I'm going to revel in it. Which leads me to Sagna, actually.

So he got a red card. Silly, it would seem, but all in all, no biggie. I'd say he might even have planned it all. What does he miss? Leeds, Ipswich and West Ham. Trot out our other trump card in defence: Eboue.

What shall we make of mid-week then? Man U the biggest winners, with us, Manciti, Spurs and Chelski all dropping points. But it's far from over. It's been silly season, and there'll be more to come. I can't wait, but for now, there's cup business to take care of.

More later. Ciao for now.

Ian Wright - Genius

I love Ian Wright. I really do. Ian Wright Wright Wright!! I even did the chant at Highbury once. I remember it well. Arsenal 3 - Southampton 1, December 1996, and Wright of course scored.

Anyway, I digress. He's of course gone and done more important things in life - like become adopted father to one Shaun Wright Philips...but let me digress again. What kind of stupid father would let his son go off to Chelski and then Manciti and ruin his career? I mean, Alexander Hleb is one thing, dumb ass. But you'd think that having Ian Wright as your father would bring with it some semblance of added common sense.

Anyway anyway. He's also a pundit now. And he writes every now and then. In The Sun. My favourite paper of record. Like this one.

So, what Ian says is this: (a) Don't expect Cesc to stay, and (b) Djourou's pretty neat, and should start ahead of the more dodgy Squid-Koscielny deal.

Let me say this then. Er...yeah. Right. So, Cesc may leave for Barca at the end of the season? Geez. Shock. Ing. And, what? Djourou's a better bet? Good one, my dear Watson. But in any case, I still love Ian Wright.

You know what? Methinks Wenger checks out this blog every morning. I mean - here I am, writing out my list of Arsenal New Year's resolutions. I have as #1 you-know-what, and lo and behold, a day later, it's his pre-match interview, and Arsene says, if anything at all, he'll sign a centre-back. It all depends on Vermaelen. I say just sign the damn centre back. Think about it. We have the Squid. Who really is only there for the odd FA Cup game, Carling Cup semi, and maybe the odd Christmas Premier League tie. Koscielny ain't regular starting material too, and that leaves poor ole Djourou with the dodgy knee. Even with Vermaelen 101% fit, that still ain't enough. So sign someone. Now.

Elsewhere, there's more news confirming why Manciti's sad, and why Arsenal has a great waste disposal system. Stories are about, but here's a good one with photos too. Kolo and Adebayor having a bust up in training.

Surprise!!! What Manciti should do now is sign William Gallas, throw him into the mix, and watch what fun training really should be.

Adebayor. Now that's a sad sad story. But a good one for us. A nice heathy profit from a lemon. What more could you ask?

It's 15 minutes to Man U - Stoke. Did I ever say I was, like, a really really huge Stoke fan? I mean, think about it. Ryan Shawcross, Rory Delap, Tony Pubis...just the stuff of legend. I just love them. And I'm here with baited breath, waiting for Shawcross to get into Rooney, Delap to hurl one past van der Sar, and Pubis to shake Sir's hand with a big grin across his face.

So let's get on with it. A draw would be mighty nice, but who knows. There could be more in store.

Ciao then. We have Manciti to think about.