Goalkeeping problems. What problems??!!

What problems? Really. Look, Shay Given's gone and done his shoulder in, trying to save one of Abou Diaby's thunder bolts (which I admit I missed when I probably fell asleep).

Before that, Manciti had stupidly gone and sent Joe Hart off on loan before that. So they should have two more goalkeepers on the books. One's supposedly injured, so they've got that Faroe Islander dude to stand in (who looked better than our pole [small "p" intended] on Sunday). What's the big deal, one might ask. There are other clubs out there with bigger problems. Like us.

Anyway. So Manciti have now gone and asked for permission to make like an emergency buy. I say screw it man. If they're allowed to do this, then I think I see a short-term solution to our goalkeeping "issues". I shan't call them "problems", since Wenger seems to think that there are no such problems.

First, extend Almunia's "wrist injury". Then, someone (I think Vermaelen would be a good, strong candidate) push Fabianski in front of the team coach. That'll leave Mannone, who should be a good enough back-up for someone else we'll then ask for permission to sign. Wouldn't mind John Lukic or David Seaman on some kind of Sol Campbell deal. Shit. Wouldn't mind Pat Jennings over Fabianski.

In the first place, why is it that only, like, PHYSICAL injury situations allow for such emergency measures? What if our goalkeeper suddenly develops some unforeseen mental, psychological, emotional impediment? Why's that not allowed for huh? It's not like he sucks (he may, but that's beside the point), but he actually has a separate and real problem (just like a broken shoulder) preventing him from goalkeeping properly.

Let's be serious. A goalkeeper who (a) pushes a ball into his own net, (b) picks up an obvious back-pass, and (c) drops a ball onto an opposing players head, in the space of 2 games does have an obvious mental, psychological and emotional problem.

But we've got two games left. Maybe Wenger will keep his generous spirit and confidence in Fabianski till we see those through. But hey, who says players can't take things into their own hands and push one of their team-mates in front of the bus? If someone could contrive to break Nasri's leg in training, the least they could do is maybe just step on Fabianski's hand sometime.

While we ponder the possibilities, let's consider what took place on Sunday. Yet another 7 goal feast at Stamford Bridge. Shit. I have to admit it. Looks like they really will deserve the damn title. For all the plaudits we've had for our goal-scoring exploits (and I blame both the tabloids and arsenal.com for jinxing us with prematurely nonsensical extrapolations early in the season), just when it has mattered most, we've shot blanks. And Chelski have been right at it. Fair play to them. Sigh. We used to be the ones who had all the fun with 7-0 victories. Now, when we play really really really well, we get like 3-1, 6-2 scorelines.

Finally, on this Monday - ahead of a week or more of nothing - going back to the Manciti game, I suppose they did rightly (and in the perfect Italian way) go into the game with just one point in mind. With fixtures with both Villa and Spurs coming up, this was perhaps the best way for them to approach the game. Knowing how difficult we would find it to make the tippy-tappy work, I'd have done it too, if I were Mancini. Oh well. Nobody ever said there weren't better tacticians out there than Arsene Wenger.

Ha!

Review: Arsenal 0 - Manchester City 0

OK, so I had the misfortune to witnessing all 90+8 minutes of a dismal dismal game. How to summarise? Quite easy, actually.

First, one point is way better than none, given events of the recent past.

Second, we couldn't lose coz Manciti didn't want to win.

Third, we couldn't win coz Manciti didn't want to lose.

Fourth, there really never was going to be a last-minute reprieve to show for our tippy-tappy, passy-wassy, squeeze-blood-from-rocks approach to scoring a goal.

Fifth, it'd be hard to get anything from a game when your best players are: (a) a 35-year old defender (again), (b) a striker coming back from 5 months our, and (c) a defensive midfielder.

Sixth, Paddy was crap (yay!), Adebayor was crap (yay!) and Toure was not bad (dammit!).

Elsewhere on the pitch, let's see. Silvestre was actually not to shabby. Fabianski had nothing to do except look busy and do his best Matt LeBlanc/Joey Tribiani impersonation during his throws from the box. Diaby was Diaby. Walcott was Walcott (when not a sub). Nasri and Rosicky both looked like poor tired boys.

Quite glad that it was as dismal was it was. Less to write about then. From the looks of the table, looks like one point from our final two games should just about be enough. If not at Ewood Park (horrors!), then at least Fulham at home. Let's see. (Fulham may just have more important Europa League responsibilities to see to by then, so they may let up on us. God bless their souls, I find myself rooting for them in Europe). Our team didn't seem too bothered either way today, so I suppose I should take it easy.

More interesting is how the table is eventually going to shape up - both at the top and below us. Trust the Arsewiper, this is what is going to happen: take a cue from the Arsenal mini-league.

First, Chelski and Man U whipped us at home and away. So quite clearly, they deserve to finish ahead of us. Put us at third then. As for who'll finish on top, consider the mini-league of how they performed against us:

		P	W	D	L	GF	GA	GD	Pts
1	Chelski	2	2	0	0	5	0	+5	6
2	Man U	2	2	0	0	5	2	+3	6
3	Arsenal	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
4	Manciti	2	1	1	0	4	2	+2	4
5	Spurs	2	1	0	1	2	4	-2	3
6	Villa	2	0	1	1	0	3	-3	1
7	Everton	2	0	1	1	3	8	-5	1
8	Pool	2	0	0	2	1	3	-2	0

Except for Everton/Pool - that'd be a pretty good reflection of what we'll probably see no? Now who said Arsenal had a minor role in determining the shape of the top of the league?

What will we have to look forward to then, in the coming weeks? Er, nothing? I know - Inter Milan and Bartha. What joy I would have to see Mourinho do the deed, exorcise his demons, and give Bartha the once over. Now THAT would make my day.

In the meantime, I'm looking forward to Pool finishing 8th and, well, the World Cup.

Finally, I've added a little widget on the right for Arsewiping friends to "follow" the blog. C'mon, be nice, why don't you? Ciao.

'O Sol Mio!

There've been a few things going round in the last couple of weeks re Sol and whether he should be given a new deal for the next season. Good 'ole Martin Keown has now weighed in as well, and he's firmly of the view that Sol should stay.

This is where the Arsewiper weighs in then. First, damn right he should stay. In his couple of weeks with us, he's done more, performed far better and shown a far greater degree of drive than many of the so-called younger ones in the team. Second, we're going to be getting rid of Silvestre anyways (right????), so we can just give Sol his wages on a one-year deal. Sol on current form would be a dream as cover. Sol could even sign on a "pay as you play" basis. Silvestre was and is, unfortunately, a nightmare.

Since we're talking about defence then - with Silvestre and Billy (????) gone, there is no doubt in my mind that if we're going to be a serious Premier League team, we're going to have to do something equally serious in goal and in front of the goalkeeper.

Yes, we're going to have to contend with Fabianski again tomorrow. But I'm past caring. The only way I'm going to get vaguely concerned for Arsenal is if all 5'5" of me is called up in goal. (Which, I must add, should not be laughed away, given what we've seen recently...). If Wenger can live with it, fine. Ain't nothing on earth right now that's going to change things.

I was just looking at the odds for the game, and it's truly incredible:

Arsenal 1/1; Draw 5/2; Manciti 11/4

Any neutral out there with a half a brain should be running out to put a quid or a hundred on Manciti. Everything seems to be in our favour, really. For example: Man U play Spurs in the early kick-off. Anything that bloody happens should be a good kick up the arse for us in our own late kick-of. Man U win, then we know a win for us would just about be good enough. A draw too. Spurs win, and we'll know what we have to do, and we might just have 2nd still to fight for. The question, dear Watsons, is whether or not we have it in us to do it. For those who still aren't quite sure, let's just say I'm feeling as low on our prospects as I've done in a long long long long time.

So low, in fact, that I think I'm going to scrape the bottom of the barrel and insist that Wigan offer to replay their game with us. I mean, look. Who scored the winning goal? Who? Charles N'Zogbia, that's who. The idiot who would cheat at a driving test. Who should've been thrown in jail for 28 years. Who shouldn't have been allowed to start, let alone score that winner against us. Goddamnit, where is the justice in us losing to a goal from a driving-test cheat???? I'd even offer to throw Fabianski in jail too if that helps...

The Arsewiper's going to be in Lyon tomorrow. Just to get a sniff of a city that has a Champions League semi-final to host. How nice...

UPDATE: Funny. I don't think I've ever so not looked forward to an Arsenal game. Really. I've even relished 3rd Round games in the Carling Cup/Littlewoods Cup/League Cup more. Or even meaningless pre-season friendlies in Transylvania. (OK, Hungary). I've so switched off on this that I've just about forgotten (till now) that we're going to welcome back Kolo, Paddy and some guy with a propensity for wearing the shirt of the team he hates. Oh well. It'll be nice to have Paddy back. Would be nice to see Sol and Paddy have a go at each other. It'll be just like watching granddads fight. Nice! It'll be nice to see Kolo too. If only to see him sneak in one of his little awkward tackles to give us a penalty. In any case, the Arsewiper being in Lyon, I'm gonna miss the game. As I'd said, no big sense of loss being felt there...

Which is sad.

Now THAT'S how you fuckin' do it!

Never thought I'd say this: but goddamn, you gotta love Inter Milan and Jose Mourinho. Sat down to watch the game hoping that Inter would do the damned deed Bartha over, and I emerged 90 minutes later with the world all that clearer for me.

Made them look rather ordinary, would you not say? Messi? God himself? Jesus reincarnated? Well, looks like you don't need much more than belief and graft to deal with the extra-terrestrial likes of Messi and Co. Inter were indeed special, but special not in the "special" way of how everyone oohs and aahs about Bartha, but special in the way they worked their socks off for 90 minutes. I don't think I'd seen a harder-working performance from any time in recent times.

So while our Arses were gushing about Bartha about the 4-1 buggering, about how we'd lost to the better team, about how there was no shame in losing to the likes of Messi and Co., well, Inter showed just how easy winning could actually be. You don't need Xavis, Messis, Iniestas, or even Ibrahimovic'es. You need a good, solid work ethic from the likes of Lucio, Zanetti and Maicon. So while for short glimpses at the Nou Camp we did manage to replicate the work rate - the relentless harrying, it was far far short of what was needed. What we needed after losing 4-1 to Bartha was someone, anyone to have said, "Shit. They were good, but we made them look good. We had our work cut out for us, and we just didn't deliver. We may have tried, but perhaps not everyone tried their best."

It was a rather sobering experience then, watching Inter Milan make Bartha look ordinary, two days after we had been buggered again in the last 10 minutes by a piddling, bottom-of-the-table Wigan Athletic. If each and every one of our squad had also watched the game, they might as well have been watching tall blue aliens managed by James Cameron. That's how far away we are from those standards of work and professionalism. Shit. It hurts. To know that right there at the top of the pile in Europe, we're currently light years away.

Where do we stand then? As I've said, this team, this club needs a fresh injection of something. Anything. Looking at the likes of Mourinho and Guardiola, I must admit Wenger looks increasingly behind the curve. Perhaps, even with Man U looking beyond Sir (again!), it's about time we do the same. Let's face it. It ain't working now.

Ian Wright Wright Wright RIGHT!

Bless his soul, our Ian Wright has just about summarised everything right here. My guesses on the questions he has raised:

Will Arsene stay? Possibly, but if so, it'll be for just one more season. He'll try to make a few more "astute" (i.e. cheap or free) signings this summer, and try his luck with the dice one final time. If it works, he'll go. If it doesn't, he'll still go.

Has it been a problem with the cash or his stubborn-ness? I'll say it's probably a combination of the two. Can't find a better term than "mutually reinforcing". Let's face it. The Emirates has no doubt constrained our spending, but looking at it from the long term, the next 10-20 years, it was no doubt a good move. I can't see how Anfield and Stamford Bridge can continue as they are, and one fine day, they're going to have to do the same.

The next point from Arsene's imminent departure then, is of course - Cesc. He'll go too, definitely. Probably next summer too. At which point, I'd say would be perfect timing for a rebuilding of sorts. I've been watching DVDs of seasons past (to get over the depression). Whether it was 2001-2, 2002-3 and of course, the Invincibles, this team is really quite a bit different. Let's not even get to the days of 1997-8. We've heard this term many times before - and that is Balance. We're capable of some wonderful stuff at times, but the defeats this season have revealed nothing other than an awful lack of balance.

By the summer of 2011, RVP will be 28 or something like that, and in my mind - at his peak. There will be be no better choice for captain and as the creative fulcrum for the team. Bergkamp reincarnated. Who knows, with a new manager, a new set of goalkeepers and defenders, a couple of strikers, and the rampaging pair of Ramsey and Wilshere in front of Song, we could just do well enough for a change. I kinda hate watching MOTD on Sundays. It sucks having Keown and Dixon sit there and talk about our defensive shitness. They're the types we need. On the pitch!

As you can see. I'm already past this season, and the next one too.

Review: Wigan 3 - Arsenal 2

Chelski contrived to make it vaguely interesting, and our Arsenal team decided to slam the door shut in our down faces, catching our fingers at the same time.

As an Arsewiper, I've gone through the plethora of negative sentiments in recent years. Disappointment, anger, disbelief, sadness, indifference, you name it. There was a new one today though, and it speaks for itself: shame.

For everything that could be said of the team this season, whether it was injuries, youth, inexperience, maturity, I'd never thought I'd add something else - the lack of professionalism. Yes, there must've been the disappointment of knowing we'd lost the title. Yes, the must've been that lack of belief and drive. But surely - despite a woefully inept performance, it would be simply professional to see to a 2 goal lead for the sake of the fans and supporters with 10 minutes left. This was not Barca, not Chelski, not Man U, and I would say not even Spurs. This was Wigan.

But that perhaps was the problem. It was Wigan. And in the manager's team selection and decisions thereafter, and in the performance that came after, the team thought it was Wigan, and did not in the least, take the necessary professional steps to set to a barely-deserved but easy win with 80 minutes on the clock.

It was quite simply unforgiveable. The lousy performance up till then, when we somehow managed to stumble to a two goal lead, was in a way, perversely forgiveable. But having been given that lead, to let it slip to Wigan (who let's say do not have the best scoring record in town), was utterly shambolic. I am ashamed.

So we started with Sol as captain. Fabianski in goal. Eastmond in midfield, and RVP on the bench. If there was any weaker statement of intent, I'm sure the team wouldn't have missed it. I won't go into how utterly amateurish Fabianski was on the day. He put in a show that would've embarassed anyone bothered to make a living out of football. Worse was the fact that he was allowed to start by the manager. It could've been anyone in goal. Arshavin included. Then there was Silvestre, who despite his goal, looked equally woeful. That he was our back-up in defence again, only shows how pathetic out season has become. There was Diaby, who really, despite his occasional remarkable games, should be let go. Somehow, the propensity to put in 5 mediocre games, 1 excellent, and then another 5 pathetic shows is not something that an Arsenal season ticket holder should be subjected. I'm fine. I don't pay more than my cable TV subscription.

Walcott. Walcott? On this show, despite his goal, the closest he'll get to South Africa is on his PS3.

A word for Wenger then. At 2-0 up, mid-way through the second half, any idiot of an Arse fan would've seen it coming. We were bad. We'd been fortunate that up till then, Wigan were worse. But there was only so long that we could hold out. As I'd asked on Wednesday, just what he was waiting for in putting RVP on the pitch again boggles the mind. But he chose the absolute last second, when it was already beyond hopeless. He's lost the plot.

A professional display would have been one where despite the disappointment of Spurs, the players would gather round and consolidate 3rd, and push on for 2nd. Far from it, I'd say 3rd is now shakier than ever. Manciti will be licking their chops, and well they should. A loss at home and you can be sure that we'll be watching the Europa League next season. It's quite simply unforgivable and unacceptable. There has to be some falling on swords for this.

Not long ago, we were celebrating the balls and bollocks of this team. Time flies in professional football. If only our professional footballers recognised that fact.

Summer has already started. And I'm not sure I'm looking forward to next season.

Well, screw me silly

Just a short short one. I was wrong. Chelski were crap, crapper than we were, and made Spurs look far better than on Wednesday. What a strange strange season this has been, and with Scholes' last-second winner at Manciti, it has been an incredible Saturday all round. It's not yet over, it seems, though realistically, let's be clear that with Man U's win, it's still more than over for us. There's no way that both teams will take a dive into the crap with 3 games left. But at least it's still vaguely interesting.

As far as our game tomorrow goes then, let's see. Will RVP start? Who knows how Wenger thinks these days. Whatever the case, even if we're not going to win the league, let's go out get a nice big fat win away from home.

Review: Spurs 2 - Arsenal 1

So it's over. It had to end somewhere, sometime, and well - it sure sucks for it to have happened at White Hart Lane. Our record of not having lost to them in league since 1999 had to end too, and it sucks even worse to know that we lost when it mattered the most to have won.

Before I get into the game itself, allow me to get a few things off me chest (besides some rather troublesome phlegm from my cough and cold):

First. We simply weren't good enough by a long shot this season. Both in the league and the Champions League. Consider this. We did badly both home and away to the three top-level teams we encountered this season: Man U, Chelski and Barca. You can't hope to compete with them if you can't even make your home your fortress. Turn the two (bad) losses at home to Man U and Chelski to wins, and we'll be top to the table.

Second. We weren't good enough against the second-tier teams away from home. Consider Manciti, where we got horribly turned over. Spurs last night. Porto in the Champions League. That we did slightly better against the likes of Aston Villa and Pool only points to the fact that really, they aren't quite there yet. The table now tells the tale.

Third. Where did we go wrong? Injuries? Bollocks of course. Let's be frank, many were just not good enough, and more importantly, not good enough on a consistent level, and when it counted most. This would include: (a) the time between Messi's 3rd and 4th goals last week, and (b) from the time Spurs scored last night till RVP finally came on. If we can't raise our games during such times, then Wenger and the team will have to have a long hard look at themselves.

So to the game. Yes, there was that wonder goal, and for the next hour or so, we seemed to be lost in the moment, still reliving the wonder of the wondrous goal in our collective minds. Ah, the likes of Diaby, Denilson, Eboue - did what they did best: trot out their mediocre-est best in the biggest games of the season. Of course, there was Silvestre, who contributed to the wondrous defending (courtesy too of Eboue). But let's not even get into how bad our central defence is with him around. Thank god for Sol. He seemed to be the only one up for the game, until RVP finally came on. (Somebody tell me why Wenger waited till the 68th minute, a full 20 minutes after the second goal, to send him on). Having watched Chelski amble past Bolton the night before, I found myself wondering on too many occasions: just why is Jack Wilshere running his arse off for Bolton, when we have Denilson being the lazy arse as usual? And a word on Almunia. Yes, that Danny Rose goal was a thing of beauty. But was it me? Was Almunia not standing directly in line with the shot? Was it not at most - head height? If he'd just stood up, he'd have saved it with his face. But alas - that was probably it. He ducked.

So we have shit performances from the likes identified above. Nasri had an indifferent night, barely able to get anything going in the middle of the pitch and anwhere else. Rosicky tried, but was guilty of some woeful final touches. Poor Bent Nick suffered for lack of any sort of service, and never really got the opportunity to do what he does best. When he did get something useful to work with (twice), he nearly scored with one chance, and scored with the other. My two men of the match: Sol and RVP. Sol was immense, and suffered from TV's absence. RVP showed us just how he is head and shoulders above anyone else in the current team. Just brillant. But we only had 20 minutes of it. If the game and season wasn't worth the risk of having him on for more than that, then it shows just how lost Wenger is.

Let's get this straight. Spurs weren't necessarily the better team on the night. They were just the team that wanted it more. Which says a lot. Could Wenger see it?

So now in the aftermath of the game, Wenger throws the gauntlet down to the boys in white, and challenges them to do the deed to Chelski: "If Tottenham want to fight for the Champions League, they can show they have the quality to do it." Erm. Someone. Anyone. Please tell Mr Wenger we got embarassingly turned over home and away by Chelski this season. Do we then deserve to be in the Champions League? I fully expect Spurs to get turned over - by at least two goals. Let's not kid ourselves. Spurs weren't great. They just wanted it more. And we know who will want it more when Chelski travel to White Hart Lane, and who will of course have the difference in quality.

The season's over. Let's just hope we have it in us to consolidate 3rd - which is no longer a given, with Manciti's game in hand, and their game with us. Second? Well, that looks out of our league right now.

I just had to say this (Update)

An Arsewiping friend told me a couple of weeks ago she disagreed with my tirade against Barca - the one concerning the repeated bollocks about Cesc returning. In case you forgot, it's this one.

Anyway, Ms Arsewiping friend reasons that it's just the damn Spanish media - not the Barca players, they'd said nothing. Mmmm...well, looks like God has since spoken:

"Cesc has a place for Arsenal in his heart, but he has Barcelona in his blood. He will want to win the biggest prizes in football, and I expect him to do that at Barcelona."

"I don't exactly know when that will be, but I expect him to be my Barcelona team-mate again at some point. When you grow up at a club, it is more than just a club. The coaches, the players, the people in the club will be like family."

"But Barcelona is his city and it is the club of him and his family. There are only a few players in the world who can improve this squad we have, but Cesc is one of them."

Well, I suppose given the praise and worship that have been showered on (I won't mention his name) in the past couple of weeks, who am I to disagree? God forbid I disagree with or defame the words of God. Arse in the beart, Barca in the blood, kidneys, liver, bladder, bowels...

Since we're talking God and all, methinks a certain reckoning will one day come. Not now, maybe not soon, but some time, the reckoning will no doubt come.

For good and bad, Wenger has uncharacteristically also come out and spoken about the whole thing as well. I ain't gonna repeat what was said, so you can go find it just about everywhere on the net.

It just kills me. This whole mythical Barcelona shit. Mythical place, mythical team, mythical players, mythical every-damn-thing. The deity with no name speaks of it like's he from the same damn Garden of Eden, when he's Argentinian. Anyways, I'll hold my tongue for now and wait for the reckoning. It may just come as early as June, in South Africa.

As for the real issue at hand - whether Cesc will leave - I've said this before - let's take it as a given. Fine. He's key to Arsenal, he's been great for Arsenal, and if he has to heed the calling, then fine. Whatever he has been, or will be, he is not Arsenal. And we will get by very well, thank you very much. And if he has to go, might as well be this summer. I don't think I could take anymore of this shit.

[UPDATE: Peter Hill-Wood has now reportedly said that Bartha have given us their assurances that they will not be targetting Cesc...this summer. Well, pardon my Latin, but thank you very much, you bunch of #$&!^%$'s. The ultimate in demeaning. So now we're supposed to be grateful? That they have deigned to refrain this summer? As I'd said, they want him that bad, let's just do it. Now. And at the most obscene price conceivable. It's unfortunate that despite the fact that Cesc has made his intentions clear in the past, what's really needed now too is a word or two. From our captain of all people.]

This summer will be house-cleaning time anyways. Central defence will be cleaned out with the likes of Gallas and Silvestre moving on. Goalkeepers should move too. About time we get rid of Eduardo asd well. Must as well overhaul the entire thing while we're at it with Cesc thrown in. Get Wilshere back, make RVP captain, get us a couple of central defenders, a good goalie, Marouane Chamakh in place of Ed, and we should be fine.

There're more important matters at hand today of course. Not the lofty talk of midweek Champions League games, but the little matter of a crucial North London derby. I would normally hesistate to overly hype any one game, but this has to be it. Anything less than 3 points, and we'd be handing the thing to Chelski. What a game to have to win.

I Do Feel Good, I Do!

I mean, it has been an Arse-less weekend after all. But all in all, there's been at least two things to be pleased about. First of course, is Man U's goal-fest at Blackburn. Just shows how great they are when Rooney isn't playing. Just excellent. I know Chelski will be happiest, but we can be slightly happy too - even if it helps only in the race for second place for now. A win against Spurs on Wednesday and we'll be pretty nicely placed. Yes, it's too early to do anything than knocking wood, but Spurs' 2-0 loss to Pompey will be a great way to end the weekend too. If there's any relevance left in the FA Cup, I suppose it is pretty useful in giving the likes of Pompey fans something to really scream about. Just poetic. Good for them, and good for Spurs. My heart will be out for Pompey in the finals.

Elsewhere, in the realms of fantasy fiction, there're a few bits and pieces about concering Cesc, and this time, Manciti. This is where it gets absurd. Really. If he's going to leave us, and that may be a real possibility, then why he would choose Manciti over Bartha is beyond me. But who knows. The likes of the those who write in the tabloids for a living and those who write about Manciti are beyond me.

I want to get back to that silly thing of a few days ago about Carlos Vela losing his passport. Remember I'd wondered why he wasn't on the plane to Bartha when Eduardo was? Well, we have our answer. But this does raise some really interesting questions/propositions. First, I say for the money that we pay these dudes, clubs from now on must be the sole repositories of the passports for these idiots. Second, let's say he's realised he's lost his passport - which probably means he can't fly, since there may be some form of passport control, but shit. Wenger should've just made the idiot drive from London to Bartha. I'm pretty sure he'd be able get there without his passport. And who cares if he gets caught? He'd just get repatriated, whereupon he can get a new passport done up in Mexico City. Third, now apart from someone getting injured - that brings up a whole new yummy avenue for covert passport-related action. I mean, how nice it'd be if 2 hours before take-off to London, our old Argentinian friend Lionel Messi realises that he's "lost" his passport??? Mmmmmm. Quite possible, that one.

Finally, Clichy thinks English clubs should have a Christmas break. I say hell no. Footie every three days between Christmas and New Year is just great. What we need to do is get rid of the Carling Cup, and rationalise the FA Cup with a proper system of seeding. In place of the Carling Cup, allow teams to field Team Bs in the lower leagues. More on that next time.

Gonna watch some golf now.

I Feel Good Now...I think

Yes, I do. Particularly after Man U's game last night. But before I get to that, a little something in response to the overwhelming responses I have received concerning our Bartha match, and my review post.

First, I do admit I may have been slightly harsh and off the mark with some of the assessments, and some faithful Arsewiping readers have pointed out reasonable case in points. On the other hand, though - yet another faithful Arsewiping reader pointed out a perfectly credible reposte which had slipped my mind.

Cast our mind back to 2006. The final v Barcelona of course. After Lehmann's early sending off, this was to be our 10-man team:

Almunia, Eboue, Toure, Campbell, Cole, Gilberto, Cesc, Hleb, Ljungberg, Henry

This was our starting team two nights ago:

Almunia, Sagna, Vermaelen, Silvestre, Clichy, Denilson, Diaby, Walcott, Nasri, Rosicky, Bendtner

Now, if our 10-men of 2006 put on a show worthy of the Arsenal, which till this day I'd not said a word against, one would only have to compare that with our boys' performance against Bartha version 2010. Are Bartha really that much better a team? Was Messi really really really the man who single-handedly ripped us to shreds? Was our 2010 team that much of an inferior version of 2006? Are we going to raise the issue of injuries again? You figure it out.

Rather than conclude that we have gone backwards during the same 2006-10 period where Bartha have gone irreversibly forward, I'd rather say that well, quite a few of our boys just didn't show up. I think that'd be fair.

Here's another way to look at it. Let's put down Messi's first 3 goals to sheer godly brilliance that no team on earth (terrestrial or extra-terrestrial) would be able to defend against. No matter. We're 3-1 down by minute 42. I'm more concerned then, with the performance in the next 46 minutes, till Messi really finishes us off. In that 46 minutes, Messi was, well, absent - more or less. Bartha sat back, looking content to stroke it around. That was the period where I felt we could've made something good of it.

This then, is where I get to the Man U-Bayern game. Bayern totally ripped apart by a rampant Man U in the first 42 minutes or so. 3-0. Dead and buried? Ah, but we know that Bayern need just two goals. Yes, it'll be difficult at Old Trafford, and on the night's performance, there was no way in hell anybody could've expected it. But all you needed was a scrappy, goal-out-of-nothing from Ivica Olic, and suddenly, everything changed. One more moment of magic from Robben, and there we have it.

So I say, shit. In that 46 minutes, especially in the second half - could we not have mustered a few worthy chances to get it to 3-2? If not, then well. I suppose we did try to throw on Eduardo.

All in all, don't get me wrong. I am proud of the boys. But it so gets to me that Bartha aside, we should not be in the company of the likes of Inter, Bayern and Lyon.

So we've got 5 more game left in our season. Let's see where it brings us. Whatever the case, looks like Wenger's read my post of yesterday. He's now gone and finally admitted the obvious:

"We have to add something, for sure, but we have some time to think about that."

"We had six or seven players under 23 in the team and we had plenty of opportunities. We showed we lacked maturity in the weight of the final ball."

For another iteration of what we already know so well, here's another third-party viewpoint.

It hurts, it really hurts - to know that despite everything (despite their belief, despite their ballsy-ness), the depth of our team was nowhere close to being really competitive.

Review: Barcelona 4 - Arsenal 1

Oh well. I was wondering how I could sum up the evening, and the overall tie over two legs in less than a paragraph. Here goes:

Unlike at Emirates, Messi showed up for the party last night. Unfortunately, quite a few of ours didn't - either through injuries or just not performing on the night. The rest of Barca, apart from Messi, were good. Not great. Just good. We just didn't take advantage of the opportunities we had, while they had Messi. We even took the lead. We scored three goals over the two games, which in itself just shows how the tie could have been had, but for some more astute defending. Yes, Bartha were the better team, a very good team, who deserved to get through. But on the night, I'd say we just didn't do well enough as well. We did well, in patches, and in closing them down - but on the ball, we were awful. The passing was atrocious, the finishing dismal. 6-3 on aggregate was probably fair reflection of just the Messi factor, but surely an Arsenal should also have done slightly better.

Where did we go wrong then?

First, Diaby and Denilson.
Second, Walcott.
Third, Silvestre.
Fourth, Wenger.

We cannot continue to bemoan injuries. Period. Injuries aren't some unpredictable, external, extraneous part of the game. They are part and parcel. They can, and should be factored in. How difficult can it be? Here's an equation:

In June/July - look forward to February/March/April - take out 20-30% of your squad to injuries. Include in that 20-30% some of your best performers. Add another 10% to those who might underperform or might be in over their heads. Do we still have a squad that is capable of challening for the Champions League and the league? If yes, and you believe it, then good. If not, then buy.

Hand to heart, as much as I love the Arsenal, there was no way in hell our line-up, with the likes of Silvestre, and Diaby, Walcott and Denilson on the night could be expected to get us through. Yes, if they had all put in individual performances way over their personal best, we could've had a chance. But you can't count on that. You need average, typical performances which can compete with the average, typical performances of the likes of Barcelona. And let's face it. Apart from Messi, the rest of Bartha was average, typical on the night. And our average, typical performance was expectedly way below that level.

There'll be all sorts of gushing, oohing and aahing about Messi in the press. Even from our players, our manager and our arsenal.com. But apart from that, can all our players say they put in their best? Yes, they lost to a better team, but did all they play as well as they should've? I'm afraid not. And THAT'S what the Arsenal should be thinking about right now, and not Messi and Barcelona.

As for the game itself, at least we had about 3 minutes to dream. But that said, at 1-1, 2-1 and even 3-1, I felt that we were still in it. In the second half, especially, as Barca sat back and put in an average-ish performance, we had a second goal in us. And a second goal would have changed things oh so acutely. But alas, we weren't let down by balls, but by a woefully mediocre performance up front.

So where do we go from here? Simple. White Hart Lane. Wenger knows it:

"The defeat is very difficult to handle because when you go out of the Champions League the next day you are in front of a very empty future. We have to deal with the disappointment and make sure that we are ready for the next game."

Is it an empty future? Perhaps. We clearly weren't good enough for the Champions League, and we clearly didn't have the luck of the draw to at least help us along to the semis or the final. So let's refocus. It will be tough. Really tough. But if we're going to fall short in the league as well, for god's sake, let it not be at White Hart Lane, and let's push on towards second spot.

This is it!

Switch on your stereos.
Turn up the volume.
Look out for that song.
Yeah, that one.
The Eye of the Tiger.

I can just hear it now, and it'll continue playing in my head for the next five hours. Till kick off. At which time it'll be nervous tension. Hopefully, the tension remains for as long as possible. Tension sure beats resignation. So here's to a 1-0 win to the Arse. My money's on it. We'll keep Bartha out for 89 minutes, with nary a shot on goal ourselves. Then, Theo breaks, runs the 100 metres from defending a corner to get round Valdes (in 10.3 seconds), slide it across goal, for Bent Nick to tap it in. Of course, there's also the option of trailing 3-2 and getting the third goal on 89 minutes too. It all works for me, man!

But back to reality...have to add to my little injury-list update from yesterday. Looks like Rosicky's out too. At 50-50 for Rosicky, sure looks like a 100% to me. So anyways, it's not like we're not used to injuries or anything.

Whatever the case, we'll be up for it. The adrenaline will be pumping from the 2-2 draw and the last-gasp winner against Wolves. That's all we're going to need. Even if we go a goal down, there's nothing that will prevent them from still going at it. Things are different now. The boys, them got balls. So let's go to it.

The world, however, won't end at the final whistle. There's still a whole lot of other business to see to, and funny things are starting to emerge again. Remember what I'd said re Wenger and his job? What? Was it yesterday? Anyway, look what's come up today.

Basically - Wenger's told the board that he'll quit if Arse win either the Champions League or the league proper. Sounds reasonable enough. Sounds a lot like what I'd said - Wenger would be more than available for France in the run-up to the Euros. And if he does take the French job, then one Laurent Blanc becomes available too - which according to the rumour mill, points in our direction, amongst other places. Interesting...but all still conjecture. Blanc can then take the reins for oh...5-6 years? By which time Dennis Bergkamp will be just about available too.

But I wonder. Just how a coach who doesn't fly is going to make it in the Champions League. Over land to CSKA Moscow? Train to Bate Borisov? Suppose it's not as bad for a coach then the players.

Oh well.

Henry could come do a Pep Guardiola too...if only he sorts out his visiting rights with ex-wife/daughter.

Back to the real world again. And the transfer rumour mill has already started. One has us already signing Marouane Chamakh. Yeah yeah yeah. Who cares. Whatever. It's like watching re-runs of Beverly Hills 90210. The other has us signing Hugo Rodallega. I'll admit this one sounds vaguely more interesting. I'd consider it quite positively, if he came in at something less than £9.99. But we'll see.

Since we're on the topic of cheap fantasy signings, I'll just say that I won't mind having the following on the cheap: Boaz Myhill (or perhaps Marcus Hahnemann). Tim Cahill (who won't be THAT cheap). Brede Hangeland (who won't be so cheap too). And oh yeah. Robin van Persie. He'll be like a new signing man!! For free!

Ciao. Till tomorrow's post/review. Wonder what I'll say.

Things that make you go hmmm.....

All sorts of things we could talk about today, and that doesn't even include the midweek fixture we have tomorrow, against some Spanish team in stripes called Bartha-lonah.

But I'll start with Bartha game. So the news now is that just about everybody will be out. With Song and most probably Campbell out (since when have we had to count on Sol to start is even a mystery), the question now is just who we have to choose from.

In front of goal, at least we don't have Fabianski starting, so that's a plus. Ahhh...the little pleasures in life.

In central defence, we have Vermaelen and Silvestre. Hooray hooray to Silvestre.

On the flanks, thank god Clichy and Sagna look fine for now.

In midfield, we have Denilson, Diaby, Nasri, Theo, Rosicky, Clint Eastwood and Fran Merida. I have hopes for Clint Eastwood y'know. It just sounds so right to have Clint Eastwood play for Arsenal...the Gunners...

Up front, let's not even mention Eduardo. We have Bent Nick. Just hope he doesn't catch a cold tonight. Just why Eduardo's on the plane to Bartha, and not Carlos Vela is another mystery.

So while it's all looking rather shit scary, it's even scarier thinking about the last games of our league season beyond.

Wenger will of course bemoan the extent of our injuries - and that will include the likes of Cesc, Arsh, RVP, Gallas, Djourou, etc etc etc. But then again, hasn't the problem always been one of depth? So I don't think anyone should be claiming hard luck by any stretch.

Which leads me to a funnier story that has emerged in the last couple of days. And it has to do with Wenger's contract. You see, he's said that "my own personal future will depend on the capacity to win trophies, but as well to feel that this team is improving year after year because we are still very, very young."

It's all rather strange and cryptic if you asked me. First, hasn't he always been the one to determine the squad that we have, and the capacity of the team to win trophies? He's always trumpeted the capabilities of our young squad, so what the heck is he saying now? That he's not sure now? And whether he stays will depend on whether the team is capable of winning? Wasn't he the one who put the team together, and took it apart? So let's for now say that he's not being duplicitous.

Which leads to a second possibility: that he's hinting that somewhere, up in the boardroom, there's already indication that things are heading a certain direction? Or then again, is he issuing a veiled threat to the boardroom itself? In other words: "Screw this. I've had enough of having to defend our young squad, and defending the shit money I've had to spend. Let me do something for real, and then maybe I'll stay."

Who knows. We'll just have to see. The summer might be interesting. And if you asked me, we should all be looking at how the crap France team under Domenech will do. Another pathetic run-in, and we can be sure that even the French football association won't be so daft as to keep on on for much longer. Which leads to Wenger. His contract ends in 2011. With the Euros and qualification in the horizon, I won't rule out Wenger returning to head the French team - if not for EURO 2012, then for the next World Cup. Believe me, I really do think he will one day take the job on. Which, I will have to admit, is something the French people deserve...after the shit that they've had to endure under Domenech.

Just where will we be though without Arsene? Hard to imagine an Arsene-less Arsenal. Just like losing the first five letters to your name.

Let's not be getting ahead of ourselves though. We can keep that for another day. We do have that matter of Bartha to take care of. For now, it's hard to be optimistic.

But who says faith has anything to do with logic? Which is why people pray, I suppose. And I shall be praying tonight.

Review: Arsenal 1 - Wolves 0 (PG-13)

All I actually need to say really is...(and for those under 13, please scroll down)

Holy Fuckin' Shit. We really need to stop these stunts of ours. I hadn't watched most of the game - watching it only from around minute 76 onwards - and just those 20 minutes were enough to give me aneurysms. For those 20-odd minutes, I'd started composing this post. A eulogy? A Requiem for a Dream? I already had my first few lines, which I suppose I'll just relate right now for the heck of it: "It had to end somehow, somewhere, some time. It was just unfortunate it had to end at home, to Wolves."

But no. Our boys had different ideas. The core of our team on the pitch - Walcott, Sagna, Nasri and Bent Nick - they had different ideas. Forget Eduardo, who for sure will need to be shipped out in the summer. Forget Cesc. It had nothing to do with his absence. It'll be this same four who will determine how we do on Tuesday at the Nou Camp. Bent Nick, especially, has turned into something of a revelation.

A word too for Sol - who again, has defied everything and everyone with a solid performance. I'm not sure if he'll be fit enough for Tuesday, but we sure could do with him again. (Not that Messi v Campbell is something I really relish right now). Anyways...

One minute to go till the end of the five added minutes, and any normal person would've switched off. The telly as well as for our season. But much as it was all frustration, composing concluding posts and all, somehow, with our record of keeping it late, any normal Arse fan also had to keep some degree of faith. With Chelski beating Man U earlier on, surely, we could do something, anything, to see to a dogged Wolves.

I'm sure the tabloids tomorrow will be awash with the usual "the team that just won't go away, won't die, won't go away, don't know how to give up" kind of story, and in a way - for once - they're actually going to be right. Of course, one fine day, it's going to come back and bite us on the arse - like it did against Birmingham - but for now, our sheer tenacity and ballsy-ness is going to scare even the likes of Barca. Just imagine. 0-0 at the Nou Camp with 2 minutes to go. Just what do you think Bent Nick's gonna do, huh? Minus Puyol and Pique.

But I digress. Our win's given us the opportunity to just fight another day. And the least we can do is go all the way in doing so. Even if it's just for second place. There'd be no greater satisfaction (other than actually winning it) than doing it at the expense of Man U.

I'd said earlier that the first four games of Chelski's run-in were going to be key. So far, they've gone and destroyed Pompey and Villa. Won against Man U, and will have Bolton at home before two of the last trickier ties away to Spurs and Pool. They've ultimately taken all nine points from the first three - and if they go on and win it, well, they'll probably deserve it. But till then. There must be more in this fight, and let's be the one to push them to the limit.

As far as the game went, one of the things that will be analysed to death will be Wenger's team selection. Yes, there were seven changes to the team that started v Barca. But for that, I'd agree 100% with Wenger. If he can't rest a few players in-between a Champions League quarter-final for a home game against Wolves, then screw me. That just means that we can't count on Eduardo to score goals, and that's something we've all been resigned to for the last couple of months. Indeed, why it even took 80 minutes for Wenger to bring on Vela in his place is a mystery in itself.

Yes, we looked tired - and that can be expected. Yes, it looked like a little bit of a let-down, and coming after Barca, I can understand that. Yes, we looked like we lacked ideas - and that can be expected with a Wolves team on form, and defending well. At this stage in the season, a 1-0 win is all that matters - and that's what matters. It was ugly, it was heart-stopping, it was unnecessary, but hey - I could be writing a eulogy instead of going to bed happy.

For now, I've got Match of the Day to look forward to, and Tuesday beckons sooner than we think.

It's good to be back to a normal keyboard.

Review: Arsenal 2 - Barcelona 2

Football, it's a strange, strange game indeed. For all the first half, it was deer in the headlights stuff. We were passed off the pitch, and when we did get the ball, it was nervy, second-grade stuff. Cesc, our captain, was everywhere and nowhere. He seemed to be in awe of the event, in awe of his future employers, and it showed. It transmitted itself to the team.

We were lucky to get in at 0-0. Almunia showing glimpses of just exactly what he's supposed to be good at. It was all in all, some miserable stuff, and you could only hope that with Almunia in good form, we could steal a goal just as Barca were looking slightly profligerate.

Immediately after the re-start, and all our old failings came racing back to haunt us. Kick off, a long hopeful ball, everyone asleep, Almunia especially, and Zlatan has the simplest of lobs over a non-existent goalkeeper. It wasn't quite surprising that we would get caught out for the cheapest of goals - which is fast becoming an Arse specialty in the Champions League. It's then one way street again - but every now and then, we do manage to string a couple of passes together, and when we do, we somehow make the Barca defence look slightly suspect as well. One brilliant move, and Bent Nick has a free header, only to put it straight at Valdes. Typical of our night, I thought. A couple of minutes later, another soft goal, with Zlatan again being given all the time in the world in the right-centre of our defence. Did anyone mention Clichy? Typical of our night and our season, I thought. Game, set and match. Two goals down at home to Barca. Just where could we go from here but down?

Then, it happened. Theo gets sent on. He puts some life into it, and with his first meaningul contribution, he scores. From not much. A nice move, but a weak-ish shot that gets under Valdes. I don't know why, but it looked like it'd only take 2 Barca goals to get the Arsenal team passing and playing with some intent.

Some more nice stuff, and then Barca comes on the wrong end of some crumbling as well. A nice touch from Nick to Cesc in the area, Cesc gets tumbled over by Puyol. Penalty, red card, goal - and it becomes clear what we'd achieved. Come from 2 down to draw level with Barca. For the last 5 minutes or so - any one of two things looked possible, a third from Arse or a third from Barca. 2-2 in the end, and a miracle had happened.

In terms of performance, this was more grit than anything else. A limpid performance, but at least the boys had balls. Which is more than could be said of Cesc, unfortunately. He'll miss the next leg, and with a suspected broken leg, he'll probably miss much more. But the occasion at the Nou Camp would probably have been too much for him. Penalty aside, he looked like someone out of his league, confined to irrelevance and awful passes by the Barca midfield. Messi was fortunately absent, and we were stil cut to shreds at will. For the return though, for now, we have a better option. Samir Nasri, who put in a mammoth of a performance in Cesc's absence. The Nou Camp will be his opportunity, and ours. Cesc may soon head towards the Nou Camp, but it'll be right there that Nasri could emerge as heir apparent in the middle of the pitch.

Looking ahead, Barca still are out there as firm favourites. They have the 2 away goals. But I would say we have the momentum. We'll have an incredible task ahead of us, to win at the Nou Camp. But we could just pull it off. Barca will lose Puyol. We'll have our own old war-horse in Sol Campbell though. Let's hope with TV, he'll put some steel back where we need it. Things are stacked against us, with Arsh out injured as well. But somehow, this team only seems to play when things are so aligned.

Let's see. For now, I'm getting tired of his Italian keyboard. Not as bad as a French one, I must admit, but still...

It was an adventure in itself getting a TV (not Thomas Vermaelen) near Milan that was not showing the Inter game last night, but for that, another day.

Ciao.