Monday Evenings

Can be nice. When there's football on the telly. It may not be the Premier League, but I suppose El Clasico's a pretty nice alternative. Even if, at half time right now, it's all Barca.

Man, do I hate those Barca types. Iniesta, Xavi, Pedro, Pique, Puyol, just having to sit through 90 minutes of 'em...I even find myself drooling over Cristiano Ronaldo in a weird counter-spite. Anyway.

On the Arse front, and on the FA Cup front, a nice little tie for us. Leeds United. Nice coz it's not another Premier League team, and nice coz they're big enough to make it interesting. As we saw last year at exactly the same stage, they made it extra interesting for Man U. Fingers crossed they don't do it again. Lightning would not strike twice. Surely not. Surely... Not...

Speaking of Man U. What a tie, and another example of how the FA Cup system really needs to be looked at. Liverpool, in the 3rd round. Yes, a free draw keeps the romance alive, and keeps the smaller teams in it. But can't a compromise be found between a strict seeding system and what is now a free-for-all?

Ah, but who cares. It's the world's oldest knock-out competition, so I'll leave it in the FA's good hands to deal with it.

A final word for Dreamy Bobby Pires. Poor old balding dude. Just what has he gotten himself into? Should've just headed off to LA Galaxy, New York Red Bulls or even the Las Vegas High Rollers. Anything other than the humiliation of growing old in front of old friends and foes in the Premier League...

Review: Aston Villa 2 - Arsenal 4

What did I say? We most times play better without Cesc, looks like.

But in the early kick-off, the second half took on a far more - shall I say - exciting, tone than any Arsenal fan would prefer.

The first half was all Arsenal. As usual. The usual passing, some really really neat stuff, but always, always, the last ball was the missing link. The ill-timed pass, the pass instead of the shot, we've all become too familar. Total Arsenal dominance, dismal Aston Villa, typical stuff, and where should our goals come from?

First, defensive error, ball to Arshavin (in one of his best performances in...a long time, right), forgets about passing, forgets about everything except shooting, and what do you know? A nice goal.

Second, corner. Yeah, a set piece! Floated to just outside the penalty box, first time volley from our man of the moment, Samir Nasri, one slight deflection and 2-0.

All rather straightforward, and did the deed when the pissy-passing failed. Thank god for that, and our favourite half-time scoreline: 2-0.

So I figured: let's see how the half starts. Like we did against Spurs? Indeed, my dear Watson.

Slow, letting Aston Villa get at us... and lo and behold, some dude called Ciaran Clark, on 52 minutes, just as Gareth Bale did on 50 minutes last week. Yum.

I snigger, shrug, and hear a collective 3,000 pairs of bollocks from the away fans fall to the floor.

You could even hear it from the Arsenal players, Arsene Wenger, Pat Rice, them all, I'm sure.

But, their credit, we put things right quite quickly. 3-1. Another pretty goal from Chamakh. He must learn these little finishing touches at some ballet school or circus man. That little shimmy-shammy pirouette deal against Birmingham, now this little sliding finish thingy. Quite nice, I must say. So I'm thinking: okay, Aston Villa really quite suck. They aren't Spurs (who would believe I would ever say that!), and why not make it 4-1, just to be nice to my little ticker.

Oh no...we never really do make things easy. I say to Arsewiper Jr - I see one more goal. It's either us or them. And yeah, it happens. The guy with the Take That kinda name scores the second goal of his life against us, and makes it 3-2 with a decent amount of time left. Just great.

To cut a painful, long story short, we only make it 4-2 with a couple of seconds to spare. Ole Jack, it had to be. Thanks, and we're top of the table. For like, 23 minutes.

Let's see:

Fabianski 7 - Another generally alright game. Shame he had to pick the ball out of the net twice. Not really his fault, but can't be good for a keeper...

Sagna 7 - Involved in a quite a few nice moves. Always energetic, which is more than one could say or Arsenal players consistently.

Koscielny 6.5 - Nothing too spectacular, but I still think we missed him at Braga...not that I don't like Djourou, but rather...

Squillaci 6 - Sorry man. Don't think he was ever meant to be starting week in, week out. Think he was meant for the Carling Cups, the odd FA Cup, that kinda deal.

Clichy 6.5 - Rather anonymous on our left side today. Wonder why...

Song 6.5 - Could've provided that little bit of spine, and cover to our defence. But ooops. Otherwise, not one of his best, but nothing great either.

Wilshere 7 - Some good stuff. Never seems to get a pass wrong, always running, and always clever in his movement.

Nasri 7 - Plays his best without Cesc around, and proved it again today. Was at his most influential when in the middle of the park, and not drifting out to the flanks. What a volley too eh?

Arshavin 7 - Wow. For once, every time he had the ball, you felt something might happen. Probably the first time this season. Probably coz he had a rest this week. Good on the man. Bring on Fulham now.

Rosicky 6.5 - Not one of his better games in the middle of the park. Er...why was he there?? But what a pass to Chamakh for the third. That was pretty useful.

Chamakh 7 - What can you say? What Bendtner wasn't on Tuesday, he surely was today. Incisive, direct, and where you want him to be. Where Bent Nick roamed aimlessly, Chamakh was generally always where you want him to be. Had a great header saved marvellously from Friedel too.

All in all, yeah, our frailties were exposed, etc etc. Yeah, yeah. But shit, whoever said we didn't have any? Soft underbelly? Maybe. Probably. But as I said, we ain't got no one to toughen up that belly. Gonna have to score more, and wait till Vermaelen gets back. If he gets back...

And, let's not forget. Villa were unbeaten at home till today. They'd drawn with Man U (rather unluckily), and beaten Chelski too. They even had a dreamy (but balding dude) called Robert Pires start for them. So. I'll take 4-2 anytime, thank you very much. And for all those who will talk about soft underbellies. Yeah, so what? Took you long enough to figure it out!

Go find me a six-pack underbelly, and then we'll talk.

We Need a New Captain

I needed a little time. A little time to think things through. A little time to see things in perspective - the good, the bad, the expected, and everything in between. There were recent highs - Wolves, Everton - desperately desperately low in Spurs, and the painfully expected in Braga.

But in between it all, what I'd suspected suddenly hit me like a bolt of lightning when I was watching us against Braga.

You know where our problems started? Right where it matters most: the captain, the heartbeat of any team. Our last trophy - the FA Cup in 2005. And you know what? Who scored that last penalty against Man U? Patrick Vieira. That kick required bollocks, and he delivered. His last kick for Arsenal, and the last trophy-wnning kick for Arsenal.

Since then, we've been called many things - we've played the beautiful game, but right when it has mattered, right when you needed it, we've always missed it. The captain, the leader, who would give the players that boost, just by seeing him stride across the pitch. We had Adams, we had Vieira - from 1997 to the Invincibles. That was it. It was they, who saw us through it. We need a captain who would give Roy Keane a run for his money, who would play on with blood running down his head, who would get up with his teeth knocked out.

What we don't need is a captain who won't. A captain who would pout in the centre circle, a captain who would pull up with an innocuous groin strain and attempt to walk straight off, even before a sub has been put on.

This is not somebody you buy. We bought Patrick Vieira, but we didn't buy Captain Vieira. We didn't buy either Tony Adams or Captain Adams. We groomed them. They became Arsenal. Adams. Captain at 21 in 1988, and for 14 years after. Through the double in 97-98 and 01-02. And Vieira? Signed at 20, and takes over from Adams when he retires. Put it this way. From Captain Adams to Captain Vieira, we had the best years of Red and White History. All 17 years of it.

So after Vieira, we had nobody, and no trophies. We had Henry. God bless the greatest goalscorer we've ever had, but he was never a captain. God bless Gilberto, but there was only so much he could do. Who else have we had? From the sublime to the ridiculous. Gallas and Silvestre, and even Squillaci, all of a couple of weeks old, has worn the arm band.

In Arsene we may trust, but in recognising the importance of finding an Adams, a Vieira, he has failed. He's minimised the role of the captain, and for that, we have paid. You only lose the games we lose, and they way we've lost them, when you lack that one thing: leadership, and the balls it gives you.

As I say, this is not somebody we buy. He either exists now or he doesn't. And he doesn't yet.

Certainly not Cesc. Never was, and with Barca hanging over his limp performances and even limper hamstrings, you can be sure we've seen the best of him. Nasri's a maybe, but he may be one of those who plays best without the burden of leadership. I see two possibilities: Wilshere and Djourou. Combine the two: Djourou's physical presence, and Wilshere's bollocks, and we've got something closer to Patrick Vieira than we've ever had.

Keep them, and teach them well.

In the meantime, hand on heart, we ain't gonna get anywhere. We'll have our flashes of brilliance, and more often than not, moments of utter pain.

But with things in perspective, things can get that little bit less painful. As it was against Braga.

Who knows what will happen against Villa. We may just step it up. We've done so before, with Cesc in recovery. I see it happening, but won't be surprised if it doesn't.

So with this in mind, the Arsewiper's back. I just needed some time. Welcome me back.

Finito

For those of you still wondering, this is it.

Finito. Down and out. Done and dusted. Down for the count. Knocked out. Kaput.

It's been too hard. I can't bring myself to put in ink another line of all my deepest and darkest angers and disappointments. It's just not much fun anymore.

I still love my club, will still watch my club, but hell, to have to contemplate depressive writings every other week is just too much to take.

So until we meet again, or until Cesc Fabregas moves on, ciao friends.