Signings that never were

Well, first off, let me saw that Arse tried to sign me at the end of the last transfer window. I swear to god, they did. Arsene in fact called me, at about 2300hrs GMT, and there I was talking to Milan on one cellphone, Barca on the other, and Manchester City on the land-line. It was like freaking a mess! Couldn't they have called me earlier?? So in any case, I was sitting in a real cool club with two chicks on my lap, and I couldn't really hear any of them, so I told them to F off. If they were really serious, they'd have called me earlier. There's just no more damn respect in this game anymore.

But let's see what they do come February. I'm sure I'll tell you again they tried to call me right at the close of business.

Right next to me was my friend Stephane M'bia. Now, I know nobody's really heard of him, but he's an alright dude. He cleans his own boots, and when he kicks his ball out of play, he's the sort to get it himself, and not wait for another one to get thrown back in. He's a decent chap. But right after Arsene called me, his phone rings, and I think Arsene tried to sign him as well. This is
what Stephane said:

"Everyone knows there are clubs that are after me, that is not new, Arsenal made contact in the last hours of the past market but the club did not want to let me go. Rennes is looking to improve my pay, I have already decided to stay here against my wish, however everyone knows I want to move to the Premier League to improve myself and play in the biggest league in the world."

This is serious shit, okay! I mean, even Sky Sports has reported it. Not some goal.com gossip.

But whatever, transfer window's closed. Who gives a flying F. We nearly signed Bozo the Clown, but I think City got to him first.

So enough blah blah. Much ado about England, Capello, and how Bilic thinks England are crap. Of course England are crap. Holy shit. Does it take a Slaven Bilic to tell anyone that. And I must add, it ain't anybody's fault, let alone Arsenal's French dudes.