Arsenal 3 - Topfour Hotspurs 0

A rather strange one this one. Nothing too spectacular about the performance, but the result is something to be mighty pleased about. Three against Spurs, clean sheet, no real need to get out of 3rd or 4th gear. Perfect. Especially fine after all the shite that spewed from the collective arses of Harry Redknapp and Robbie Keane. Just perfect.

Really, we could and should have done much better. The first half was pedestrian until Sagna managed to get a ball through for RVP to sneak it in with his right toe. Right or left, toe or instep, the man seems able to score with just about anything right now. Everyone looked kinda unaware that it had gone in, until RVP started celebrating.

And then right after the kick off, Cesc decides to go walkbout straight through the Spurs defence and put those sorry losers to sleep. Great solo goal, and Cesc doing what Cesc does best. All in all, we really didn't do too much that first half, and took the two chances that came our way. While we were not at our best, Spurs did not come close to even threatening. Only blemish in the first half, though, was Bent Nick's injury. Dude had to be taken off after little more than half an hour, which led to the introduction of Eduardo.

I must say I'm beginning to really like Bent Nick - his industry and his improving finishing especially. We'll miss him, as Le Boss thinks the groin has been seriously had.

Second half was much better in terms of our play, and we were dominant without really really punishing them. Eduardo was the main culprit, and should've added at least two very get-able goals. Shocking by his standards. Didn't have one of his better games, and looked strangely out of sorts.

Our third was quite amusing. Sagna pauses to stop play after Ed gets bundled over, realises there was no need, puts in the cross, its gets through sorry Ledley King and Gomes, and bounces off RVP for the goal. Heh.

So it was 3-0. More realistic score for the second half would've been 6-0. Add in two from Ed, and one more right at the death when Ramsey should've done better when straight through on goal as well. No wonder Le Boss was less than pleased at times during the better second half.

On to the player ratings:

Almunia 7 - Easy enough first day back at the office. He should keep his place for Alkmaar on Wednesday.

Sagna 8 - Great day out there on the right. Two assists, a few more threatening runs. Good show, boy.

TV 8 - Another commanding performance. At all the right places, at all the right times. Together with Billy, one hell of a central partnership.

Billy 7.5 - Ditto, but for a few dodgy challenges at the beginning of the second half. But looked comfortable all day long, keeping the inept Crouch-Keane comic duo at bay.

Clichy 6.5 - Nothing too spectacular, and again once or twice let people get past him way too easily. Gibbs is on yer, mate!

Diaby 5.5 - Easily the laggard of the team right now. Didn't offer very much at the back or going forward, and was invisible for large swathes of the game. Le Boss should've put Ramsey on for him much earlier on.

Song 7.5 - Another solid performance. Injuries aside, he should be a real monster by season's end.

Cesc 8 - Captain Cesc showed up today, thank god. His goal was probably easier than at first sight, but still. Nice slap in the face for Topfour Hotspurs.

Bent Nick 7 - Looked up for it until his untimely injury. We'll miss him.

Arshavin 7 - Dangerous as always, but not his best. The Spurs defence were crap today, and he should've had a field day.

RVP 8.5 - 6 goals in 5 league games. Nuff said. RVP's the man right now. His first goal was typical. Faster than anyone else.

Ed 6 - Poor Ed. He'll probably have to start against Alkmaar, so hopefully that'll be good opportunity to get some confidence back. The goal he missed when one-on-one with Gomes was truly woeful.

The highlights:



Harry Redknapp talked about "suicide" in describing his team's performance. Well and good, but the next time, before you commit suicide, just shut your gap. Now you and Keane go off and stick your collective heads up each other's arses. (Now they're complaining they were getting too muck stick from the Arse fans seated near the Spurs dug out. Aw. Poor things. Maybe that teaches you a lesson on how to keep it in when things threaten to sneak out from your trap).

Elsewhere, Pool are really coming good. What a joke. Some may say Rafa has to go, but methinks everyone else should also go - save you-know-who and you-know-who. Truly awful stuff which I enjoyed immensely. You know you're really up shit creek when Voronin starts, and you gotta take Torres off.

On to Wednesday. Next weekend will be fun too: Chelski - Man U on Sunday. Any result will be fine, so long as we do the business against Wolves late Saturday. Can't wait.

Puke...

Things are building up to Saturday of course. Y'know, I only really appreciated these lunch time kick-offs when I was watching from GMT+8. But now, at GMT +1 on a Saturday, it's gonna be hard to explain to Mrs Arsewiper that we're killing the entire Saturday (the only day that this particular country decides to be alive during the weekend) with a game early in the afternoon.

So I'll give it a miss. But watch it delayed. For all Arsewiping fans out there, please refrain from your messages lamenting misses, etc etc. I'll get to it when I get home. And if I really can't wait (which is the most likely case), I'll just check via my mobile. Thanks in advance!

Now on to more serious stuff.

First, if your breakfast hasn't yet been properly digested, wait 2 minutes before going further. We've already seen Robbie Keane's words dripping from his anal sphincter, but just for fun:

"In the last four or five years Arsenal always managed to get ahead of us but if you look now it is even. It will be judged at the end of the season but if you look at the bench we have, it is probably a bit stronger than their bench.”

Alright then. All I can suggest is that you go to a neutral third party to consider views to the contrary. Of course, on their day, Spurs can do a thing or two. Like beat Pool. And no doubt, they're possibly better now than in years past. But please, let's get some perspective. I'm not going to say we're going to kick their butts for sure on Saturday, coz I'm smarter than Robbie Keane (doesn't say much), but just looking at their record, I'll just let the punters make their own judgement.

Elsewhere, 'arry Redknapp's talking up the great David Bentley. He of numeruos testicles. Seriously: "There's no doubt Bentley has balls - plenty of 'em". Shite. Wonder who sponsors the Spurs jock-staps. Must be good if Bentley can run as he does with plenty of balls.

Enough about Spurs. Let's just see on Saturday, and after that, May 2010.

As for our squad, well, looks like poor Fabianski has fallen prey to the suspicious "chest infection aka thigh injury". He seemed perfectly fine to me Wednesday, so it must have been a virus. Which goalkeepers sometimes get. Which can be quite contagious. Especially between goalkeepers. Sometimes most contagious when certain other goalkeepers start recovering.

So perhaps Almunia will start on Saturday, and then Wednesday, and after that, depending on his recovery, he may succumb to the same virus again, this time affecting another part of his anatomy. Which is fine, since this virus will then have resolved itself in Fabianski. Who may then come back, but of course depending on whether the virus has manifested itself in Mannone.

But which leads to another problem - that these viruses only seem to affect Arse goalkeepers. Which may mean we'll need goalkeeping reinforcements in January. Right?

Going back to Spurs then. Random check on the bookies, and the most likely outcomes are:

Arse 1-0: 6 to 1; 1-1 and Arse 2-1: 7-1, and finally, Spurs 1-0 and Arse 3-0 are equally likely at 10-1. Looks good for Arse you think? 5-0 and 5-1 look good at 66-1, so maybe a couple of bucks on those then.

C'mon you Reds!

I'll just end with something for a little Friday chuckle. Special guest for today is none other than Liverpool ace Dirk Kuyt (pronounced coit, as in coitus). Here's his take on new Anfield messiah Alberto Aquilani:

“Alberto tries to be involved in training and outside the pitch. He tried to play cards with us before the Arsenal game and he has attempted to pick up the language."

He TRIED...he really TRIED...to...PLAY CARDS! With the boys, BEFORE the Arsenal game. AND! He attempted to pick up the language.

Well, shiver me timbers, I think we've got a live one here! Here's a little advice: try starting him on Top Trumps. Then, he can start learning both the language, and all the stats on key players as well!

Review: Arsenal 2 - Liverpool 1

As usual, the boys showed some of the first team how it should be done. Got to a lead, and held on to it. It was a great performance, but the only real thing I would take away from the performance was who exactly has a rightful claim to a first team place, and who should in turn fear theirs. Let's see: Senderos should at least be on the bench; Gibbs for sure; Gilbert perhaps; Merida for sure; Ramsey for sure; Fabianski for sure. It was excellent to see Ed out for the full 90 minutes, as it was for Nasri as well. Bent Nick did well, and capped his performance with a solid goal with his left foot.

All in all, nothing too much one could fault from the performance. For once, the goal we let in wasn't soft, and I would gladly give Pool the credit for it, and not some silly team or individual error on our part.

Senderos and Silvestre did reasonably well, though I must admit our best defender for the night must've been Voronin. Any Liverpool threat, and he was sure to snuff it out. Good man. Just what Rafa has in mind when he keeps him paid and on Pool books is for him to sort out.

As for the goals, two things stood out: One, Merida's first goal for the team was a thing of beauty, and more importantly, confidence. Nice slap on the face to Le Boss, saying, put me on the first team. Two, Bent Nick's came at the end of a beautiful period of passing through the entire team. Simply wonderful to behold. We'd missed some of that in recent games. The goals are right here to check out:



I'd said this before, and I won't put too much on this win. It was nice to see, no doubt, but we'll have to see how to translate some of the positives into the games that matter. We can do that either through transferring some of the work rate and attitude, and transferring some of the better performers into the first team.

I'm not going to go into the player ratings. It's been painful enough watching the game through a live stream, and honestly, if the whole team looks to flow on a stream that lags, stops, hangs, etc, then I'm fine with it.

On to Saturday. Defend again like we did today as a team - even Bent Nick was back all the time - and we should do fine.

The peaks of excitement

It's the day of an Arse-Pool evening kick-off. Usually, the cause for much excitement, eager anticipation and nail biting. But not quite so today. Maybe because it's the Carling Cup. Maybe because we really have no clue what's going to happen. Maybe it's because we know we've got an infinitely more important game to play on Saturday, and maybe it's because we've sucked the last two games. Who knows.

In terms of a starting 11, Le Boss has set forth those available. Let's see. Fabianski, Silvestre (yay...), Senderos (yay!!), probably Gibbs, Bent Nick, Nasri, Eduardo, Ramsey, Coquelin, Vela, Merida... not sure where the defence is going to be actually. Oh well. If we win, we win. If we lose, we lose. History has shown that good Carling Cup run or not, there's really no relationship to runs in the games that matter.

Funny how as I go through this little peeved-ness with the Arse, we read this little bit of supposed news on Nick Hornby getting all disillusioned with Arse:

Emirates as being ''better than Highbury, but not as good, if you know what I mean.'' Yes, I know what you mean. Really. But I think these things take time. Highbury was special. As a small ground, it was really unique, and unlike anything else in the top leagues. Old Traffor is special, and so is Anfield, but it'll take quite a bit of time before we get there. And nothing helps better than nice memories of big games and trophies, which we really haven't had yet at the Emirates.

Which brings us to Hornby's point that the Emirates has been ''unhappy place. We really need to win a trophy." Exactement. Nothing can be more unhappy than getting whipped at home by Man U in a Champions League semi. Or letting a two goal lead slip against Spurs with 5 minutes to play. I think I've mentioned exorcisms before, and the Emirates needs a big result in a big game for a trophy soon to exorcise these little unhappy memories.

Finally, there's some news on ole Manuel Almunia. Go figure. Yes, it's nice to have some competition among three dudes for the top spot, but as Le Boss recognises, he will have to decide soon. Either way, perhaps the green jersey is somewhere we need some reinforcements in come January. Can't we like find a Peter Schmeichel somewhere? Any of the three right now aren't exactly Champions League or league-winning types if you asked me.

Blurgh. Enough of this dreary talk. What we really need now are a couple of nice, solid 1-0, 2-0 victories. None of this 6-2, 3-1, 4-1, 1-1-, 2-2 games filled with little bits of defensive inadequacies.

Complacency

Funny. I'd talked about complacency before, and Le Boss now has his take on it:

“It is not complacency. We just have to continue to play in a rigorous way, respect the game we love and the pass. That is what we forgot sometimes and we have paid for it."

“We play at top quality and at the moment we do not get rewarded for what we produce.

“In the Champions League it can happen that you are 1-0 up and are caught on a free-kick in the last minute. Today it has not to happen. At 2-0 we lost the way we want to play the game. And when a team comeback to 2-1 and you are away from home you are always under threat to go to 2-2.”

Don't know about people out there, but I've been though since being a wee little boy, and especially now as an adult, that the word "deserve" means nothing, except when it comes to punishment and pain you deserve. Otherwise, nobody deserves anything - in the positive sense. Our reward for the game we played was exactly what we got. 1 point. At times, I felt we could even have lost it completely, so I'm not even going to suggest we "deserved" all 3 as just reward.

As tele-pundit Kumar has put it, I can only hope that behind these niceties, he's giving the team an absolutely arse-ripping over the last two games.

All said and done, you've gotta love the EPL. It's really all up from grabs now, and anything really can happen. Which is great, and you'd only hope your own team doesn't fall prey to the weird and wonderful. But we have. Already. Thrice this season. Fuck. There'll probably be much more.

I'd say that it's probably our form away from home that will worry me more this season. We will ship the occasional stupid goal at home. See: Pompey, Birmingham, Blackburn, but we'll probably score more against these likes. But I won't be so sure with the bigger teams. But we will also ship more than the occasional stupid goal away, and this time, I won't be so sure we'll eb able to respond. See Citeh, Man U and now West Ham.

I won't criticise the defenders per se. They've done a marvellous job in themselves. But it's the system that has been set up for them, and Wenger will have to tighten it up quite a bit more. 4-3-3's great as far as the goals are concerned, but two areas to work on are defending as a team as much as attacking as a team, and cutting out all that shit 50% complacency shit.

Le Boss has got that wrong. Well, either it's complacency or we're just not good enough to beat West Ham. Go figure.

West Ham 2 - Arsenal 2

Just two words: fucked up.

Despite being two goals up, we had in many ways, been out-played by West Ham. If not in terms of ability, then surely in terms of commitment and professionalism. Where each and every West Ham player gave 100% (and I would say Carlton Cole and Diamanti for his short time on the pitch), I would say that at the very best, ours gave from 40-50%.

After being two goals up despite not being anywhere our best at half time, one would expect two things to happen with a team intent on taking the league by its balls. First, to shut up shop and take our chances to wrap up the game. Second, for leadership to emerge and one player to rally the troops. Nothing happened. This is where Cesc had another mediocre game. Mediocre games we can take, but mediocre instances of leadership is another thing.

Especially when others had tripped up, from Man U, to Spurs to Citeh, playing last at the weekend would've given the best of the best ther perfect opportunity to nail down the gains for the weekend. Again, nothing happened.

Wenger needs to do something if we're going to stop this disturbing trend. I wonder what adjectives he's going to use now. Naive? Accidental? What? What? What? Slack? Complacent?

What grates most is not when players play badly, what grates most is when players decide to give less than 100%. You could see it, and we were basically out-willed by West Ham when it mattered most, in the last 20 minutes. Pathetic.

Looking at the table, the result was no big disaster. But in terms of the mentality of the team, it think it has disastrous implications. Not sure how we're going to go into the game with Spurs at the weekend, knowing that we have weaknesses all too obvious for all to exploit.

So the first goal we gave away was a stupid schoolboy error from Mannone. (Equals out Green's equally bad error for ours). Not sure what he was thinking palming the ball straight across goal. The penalty we gave away also had a painful sense of deja vu. Of penalties we've given away at crucial moments. Most recently: Man U. In the past, Liverpool in the Champions League. Again, a lack of composure. Most teams now must know that when pushed, when slightly questioned, when our character is questioned, we'll likely fold.

How will that be addressed then? Not too sure, but it had better be.

Player ratings? Why not.

Mannone 6 - His adventure needs to end. Not sure what the deal with Almunia is, but I hope having him back is better.

Sagna 7 - At least looked like he played somewhere close to what he can in terms of commitment.

TV 6.5 - Can't fault him. But in times of pressure, and in this game it was just the last 30 minutes, that's when we need people like him most.

Gallas 6.5 - Ditto. Could've given away an earlier penalty with a clumsy trip.

Clichy 6.5 - Average-ish. Again, a few more errors than we would've liked.

Eboue 7 - One of those who showed he was up to it.

Diaby 5 - Not again...

Song 7 - I'd have scored him higher, but it was really his clumsy trip.

Cesc 5 - What's one to think? Maybe it's the whole family thing. But whatever. It sucks right now.

Arsh 5 - Bad too. Nothing from him today.

RVP 6 - Wasn't his usual best, and compared to the likes of Cole and Diamanti, paled in comparison.

Ah, F it. What a damn damn damn waste to make some ground up.

Who gives a shit, but we've got a Carling Cup game on Tuesday with Pool.

Things that make you go hmmmm....

This is why we all love the Champions League. Things like Madrid 2 - AC Milan 3. I must say I'm glad I chose to watch it despite all the other games going on and the frantic attempts at channel surfing. Spanish commentary and all too. Madrid were crap. Have been crap. Without Ronaldo. Galacticos my foot. Pfft. What was pretty fun too was watching Madrid's first goal, following Dida's dodo.



Oh yeah, the refereeing was generally crap too. Pathetic (non) penalty decisions, strangely disallowed goals, etc etc.

Things also like FC Zurich 0 - Marseille 1 may you go hmmmm too. And ha ha as well. Writing from Switzerland, I must say it gave me much pleasure to see/hear. After all that happened after beating Milan, this is what happens. Funny thing was listening to the radio the morning after, and people are wondering why the stadium in Zurich was only 3/4 full. Reasons? Oh...people don't like these pitches with running tracks around them. Oh...it's that strange mid-week kick off. (I kid you not). Oh...even then, it's that strange 8.45pm kick off. (I kid you not x 2). That's why the Swiss didn't come support the team. That's why the atmosphere was muted. That's why they lost.

Hmmm. Yes. Of course.

But as I say, that's why I love the Champions League.

Anyway, on the Arse front, thank god Nasri's back.

Is it me or has be recovered quite quickly? Quite unlike some of his team mates? I mean see what he says:

"It was the first serious injury I have had. Two years ago in Marseilles I twisted my ankle but it was not bad like this one. I was sick also, I had meningitis, so that was bad, but this is the first time I have broken a bone in my body. But I am really happy, I had a quick recovery and everything is fine now."

Two years ago, he twisted his ankle! Holy shites. Even me, my last injury was 10 seconds ago typing the title of this entry, and this dude has been playing professional football for x years and the last time was a twisted ankle two years ago?! Shit, we need more of him around! Or maybe like extract some of his DNA and secretly stick it in Theo.

Alright then, nothing much happening till Sunday. Can't wait to see what happens re Pool - Man U. Let's hope for a good result there (anything really!) and then pick up our three points.

Review: AZ Alkmaar 1 - Arsenal 1

Well, we deserved it. We deserved it like crap deserves to smell. Like Hull (really) deserves to be relegated, like Birmingham fans deserve Birmingham.

Watching Arse this season has been a mix of sheer joy and occasional frustration. Last night was weird. It was more like...boredom. It didn't help that Alkmaar are basically, a really crap team. Just as crap as Liege, if not more crap. So for the first half hour, we operated at 30% capacity, and second gear to boot. Must've been the cold, coz we really looked out of it. Think about it - while Alkmaar's passing went nowhere, we were outpassed by a mediocre Dutch team which West Brom would dispatch with ease.

Our goal then, had to come from an Alkmaar mistake, and the couple of passes from RVP to Cesc were probably the best passage of passes we had the whole game. And apart from the goal, I must say Cesc was equally crap the whole night. That said, going one up was probably the worst thing that could've happened. The team then figured that..."Hey! We've been crap, and we're still one up, and these people are so crap, let's just have a little stroll and rest up for West Ham."

So that was basically it for the next 40 or so minutes. Until for some reason, around minute 75, Alkmaar decided to actually pass the ball towards goal. And then, it happened. Alkmaar contrived to miss when it was easier to score, one player getting in the way of a goal bound shot. From a set piece no less.

You'd have thought that that would be perfect kick up the khyber, to let it be known that this traipsing around at 1-0 was not going to be any good. But no...you could just see it happen.

And honest to god, I did. 90+3 minutes. Free kick, and I say to myself, hmmm...I wouldn't be surprised if...

In short, we deserved it, for playing like we thought we deserved the win, playing at a crap 30-40% capacity. Le Boss says it was naivete. This adds to the "accidents" that happened in Manchester. It wasn't naivete. It was complacency, plain and simple. A team challenging for the league and Champions League cannot be naive. Come on. How come he in one breath say our boys are ready, while in the next claim naivete? Methinks complacency would be a far better explanation. Put it this way, if Alkmaar had gone one-up in the first 15 minutes, I'm pretty confident we would sit up and put the game away. But to get to 1-0 and continue to coast through mediocrity, is nothing more than complacency.

But anyway. I'm glad it happened. It's like when your kid nearly slices his finger off after you tell him not to play with the friggin' Swiss Army Knife for the 10th time. It hurts you, it hurts him, but you're kinda glad it happened. Better he nearly slices it off, and learns his lesson than slice it off completely the next time. (Oh shit...did I just suggest that we have a team of kids???)

Anyway - a draw is not big catastrophe. Surprise surprise, it's our first draw this season, and while it was bound to happen some time, we can only hope that the way it happened would teach us a lesson or two. Good thing too that if all goes to plan, the draw would be inconsequential anyway. Just win our two next home games, and draw away to Olympiacos, and we'll top the table. If we can't win at home to Alkmaar and Liege, well then...

For those who are so inclined, match highlights right here:



As for the player ratings:

Mannone 7 - Decent enough, and couldn't blame him for the goal. One wonders what plans are for the boy.

Sagna 6.5 - Good enough, but non-descript enough as well. Didn't have much to do in defence (save defend a few stupid set pieces!!), and was as clueless as the rest going forward.

Gallas 7 - Workman-like performance, but in the last second of games, you'd expect him to be yelling out orders to his defence.

TV 7 - Ditto.

Clichy 6 - Getting a little bit suspect, I'm afraid. Letting too many people and balls get by him too easily.

Eboue 7.5 - Strangely, one of the few who seemed to look like they actually cared. Some great runs, but his usual occasional crap final ball.

Diaby 4 - Should just go home. Again, he was in the thick of it in letting the goal in. Seriously needs to work on his heading if he's to remain anywhere near the first team. Nearly scored another own goal when he fell asleep defending...a set piece.

Cesc 5 - By his high high standards, a rather nothing performance. Nothing in terms of lifting the team, nothing in terms of creating anything. His tap in was all the work of RVP and the Arsh, and a (crap) Alkmaar player.

Song 8 - My favourite, increasingly. Played his usual committed game, and provided good enough cover for the back, and tried his best going forward.

Arsh 6.5 - Not his best game by his high standards, but still miles ahead of Cesc and Diaby.

RVP 7.5 - One of the better players on the day. With Arsh, the only sources of anything worthwhile. Should've put away a first try early in the first half though.

Before we get too down on ourselves, let's just think for a minute. Barca 1 - Rubin Kazan 2. Pool 1 - Lyon 2. Strange the things that spring to mind...

Funny looking at Barca's group. Everyone's on 4 points, with Inter on 3. It's as open as open ever will be. I'll be keeping out an eye on that. I liked Guardiola's explanation. Basically, shit happens. Wish Le Boss would say that too. Shit happens. Sometimes, it's shit performances. And Pool? Well, I really enjoyed that. And we thought we had a bad result letting in a last-minute goal...

On the subject of Pool, looks like their loss to Lyon was the first time they've lost 4 on the trot since the days of er...Kenny Dalglish no less! What larks. Anyway, now that they've lost 4, guess who they play next - Man U and then Arse in the Carling Cup. Now, the possibilities are endless, but what joy to be had if our little tykes put them to their 6th!

So toodle-oo. I hear Nasri's back. Methinks our boys need some re-energising. Another tricky away game after Europe's never good. Fingers crossed lessons have been learnt. In the meantime, gotta go watch a few nice games tonight, not least Madrid - Milan.

Crunch Time

There are basically two types of crunch times. The first one, which happens quite regularly, is when Theo is involved in any sort of tackle. You can just hear it. Crunch crunch, snap snap, twist twist. Ouch, ouch. This time, after his shoulder, shoulder, back, it's his knee. Medial ligaments.

According to Le Boss, he'll now be out 3-4 weeks. This is how I usually read 3-4 weeks in Theo's world. In 3-4 weeks, he'll start training. A week later, with a ball. Then, he may have a slight niggle, so take another week. Then, back to training. One more week later, it's the reserves. One more later, he gets to sit on the bench, and two after that, it's a starting place. Now, taking 3-4 weeks to actually mean 4, that brings us to...10 weeks before we see him starting again. Which is actually what? Christmas? Crunch time!

The second (or maybe third) crunch time has to do with dealing with a less than full team. That's when your title credentials are really tested. And we may soon be nearing that crunch time. Bent Nick's still out. Eduardo's out as usual. Denilson's crocked. I won't be surprised if RVP will need a rest pretty soon. He's had quite a hectic period by his standards, so he's due a break. But with Bent Nick and Ed out, what the hell are we going to do? Carlos Vela? Still jet lagged.

Or maybe...we get Djourou back, and stick TV up front. Ooops. Sorry. Djourou's crocked as well. Oh well. Senderos then. Hey! On that score, Senderos could play up front too, the Swiss goal machine!

So looking forward to Alkmaar on Tuesday then. And the squad looks awful thin. For some reason, poor Philippe ain't there either! It's Silvestre instead. Crunch time, I say again.

Okay, enough of this depressing injurious talk. Let's talk about balls instead. Yes, beach balls. Big red Liverpool beach balls. If being a Pool fan ain't depressing enough as is, they now have to deal with the legal implications of being a round object. There's all sort of talk now about how the (poor) ref cocked up by allowing the goal. There are some, and there's proably nothing worse than an ex-ref TV pundit, who claim that:

''Talk about an outside influence - the ball went in off the beach ball and completely deceived the Liverpool goalkeeper. I am absolutely amazed that for a referee at that level of football, that between him, his assistant, the fourth official, they didn't see what had happened and give the correct decision.''

You see, outside influences have to be removed, play stopped, etc etc etc.

Mr ex-ref goes on:

''An outside influence is any outside influence. It is anything other than the 22 maximum players on the field and the referee. If it hits the referee and goes in, he's part of the game. If a spectator comes on the pitch and kicks the ball, the game must be stopped."

''It's a basic law of the game - one that fortunately doesn't come into practice too much - but it's a basic law of the game that a referee would learn on his initial refereeing cause, not when you're an established Premier League referee."

Yes, Mr Smartypants. But how about balloons? Wasn't there something along those lines last season? Huh? So if it hits balloons, the goal's allowed. Beach balls, on the other hand, are a different matter altogether.

Going by Mr Smartypants' standards, anything is anything. So, here's a new trick for you goalkeepers to consider. Stick a little marble in your socks or gloves. Anytime you let a goal in, let it fall out onto the pitch. Then, you can claim either of the following, depending on the situation: (a) the ball deflected off the outside influence, or (b) you slipped on the outside influence. Either case, any outside influence is an outside influence, and it shouldn't have been on the pitch.

Bollocks I say. The goal was good. Balloon, beach ball, what? The ref is supposed to consult a lawyer in that 2 seconds before awarding the goal? Not sure if it's the internet, but we seem to be getting more and more hints of footballing stupidity these days. Can't see why Bozo Reina didn't just get rid of it in the first place. Probably thought it was...just...a...ballooooon. Or maybe he tried stamping on it, and failed, and couldn't figure out what to do next.

The argument basically goes that the outside influence being there, the game should've been stopped. But the thing is: would this still be the case if there was NO deflection? Would there be any ref out there who would have disallowed the goal if there was no deflection? The fact is, it should've been removed BEFORE the goal was scored. Once it wasn't, and once the goal was scored, the deed was done. Deflection or otherwise.

The sad reality, however, is that Mr Ref with the ball has been sent off to footballing Siberia. Poor chap. Got screwed over, basically by a mad tabloid media. Seeing what happened with Eduardo and Divegate, I can sympathise. If it were Tamworth v Salisbury City (no offence!) with the ball cannoning off a dead crow in the Conference, nobody would've given a flying crap.

Actually, I have a question. What was that Liverpool beach ball doing in Sunderland. If it was Anfield, I could understand it. Probably got it at the shop in the stadium. But...did someone bring a goddamn beach ball all the way from Liverpool to Sunderland only to use it to unwittingly screw up his team's title chances? Hmm. Perhaps.

Finally then. Let's talk a little about Birmingham. Le Boss is royally pissed about the chants made out by them fans at the game, about there being only one Martin Taylor. Really, such losers that they are, who really cares. May you rot in Championship hell for the rest of your sad lives. Carson Yeung or otherwise. I think the best thing their new owner can hope to do for such a loser-ish club is to put some nice dim sum on their executive lunch menus. Otherwise, they're stuck in loserdom. I suppose when you've got a crap team to support, the little joys in life would include chanting about a player who had his leg badly broken, and more importantly, had never done a thing to offend.

Of course, fans can be losers, but you'd hope that managers aren't. Of course, Alex McLeish claims he heard nothing - just like managers claim temporary blindness when it comes to protecting their players. But let's just say this: it's probably one thing to protect your players, all 20-something of them, but to claim deafness and protect a couple thousand (or hundred) losers, well, that's their prerogative. Pfff.

Review: Arsenal 3 - Birmingham 1

First, it's great having something to write about after a long long long international break.

Second, this post goes out to a rather impatient Arsewiping reader. You know who you are. I suppose his impatience is due either to (a) his being rather bored on a Saturday night, or (b) this being a rather scintillating, edge-of-your-seat type of blog. Whatever the case, I now being to write.

Third, a rather strange match to review. Not least because I had to watch in on a live stream, and because I also missed our two first goals. Fine. Laugh. I had to dash off for a toilet break around minute 15, and by the time I came back, the score was very nicely at 2-0. The two goals were super, in particular Song's ball to RVP, and RVP's super control and turn for the first goal. Was this to be another Saturday afternoon stroll at the Emirates? Alas. No.

How often have we seen it already this season. Playing well, in control, opposition with little to no possession or threat, and then out of the blue, a soft goal. Diaby with the pathetic effort at a headed clearance that went straight up into the air - which I suppose we should just be glad did not go straight into the goal - Mannone with the flap straight to of all people Lee Bowyer, and the Brum goal. Can't say I was terribly surprised. It's beginning to look a lot like the intentional little mistakes master carpet weavers put into their persian carpets.

So for all the possession, shots on goal, we get into half time only one goal to the good.

Second half then. We don't do too badly, but I must say Birmingham did play quite well at the back and didn't allow us very much. Defended much better than other visitors thus far, and I was really left wondering whether this would end up a gritty hard-fought 2-1 victory. We were presented a gift-wrapped opportunity with a bow around it when the crap ref gave us a free kick for a supposed backpass. Thank you very much, but all we do is have RvP crash one just off the crossbar.

Brum never really posed a threat in attack, and the one time they did, Mannone at least showed some usefulness in palming away a clever pass back across the goal by Liam Ridgewell.

But at long last, a counter attack, and leave it to the Arsh to keep his cool with the calmest and cheekiest of caresses of the ball with this right instep to bring it to 3-1. 3-1 was all in all, a result we largely deserved. It was by no means easy, and given the really easy games we've had at home, this was probably coming anyway. I'll be thankful for the performance, and note that at some point last season, would very easily have come away from such a game with a 1-1 draw.

As for the player ratings:

Mannone 6.5 - Poor guy. With Almunia back and watching, puts in his least convincing display. Had that one howler, and after that, did just enough to keep things tight.

Gibbs 7.5 - Apart from one stray pass, didn't do much wrong. If there's anyone more adventurous in attack that Clichy, it's Gibbs. My word, we'd better watch how far forward he runs, and how often.

TV 7 - A solid performance, but by his high standards, not his best. But give me this day in day out, and I'll be fine.

Billy 7 - Ditto.

Eboue 7 - Not too bad too, and made his usual nice runs on the right. As we all know, just needs to work a little bit more in finessing his final ball.

Diaby 7 - Erm. Not sure really. Again, can't seem to get out of the habit of keeping the ball for that 10 seconds longer than he needs. Gave him some credit for the goal, and more for a sure second if not for a great save from Joe Hart.

Rosicky 7.5 - We've missed him. And thank god he's back, given Mr Made of Glass - and not even Tempered Glass Walcott. In fact, he looks like he never left, both physically and in his vision, touches and all.

Arsh 7.5 - God bless his soul. Full of clever touches, runs, and of course, goals. It's a great feeling to be able to have his sort come off the bench. Just hope he's not too knackered for Tuesday.

Walcott - Sorry. Didn't see much of the boy. I sense trouble on the injuries front for him. Fingers crossed, but who knows, really.

Cesc 7 - Not his most imperious, which was why we seemed to struggle in the second half. But we'll give him a break. He's had enough international football and family issues to deal with.

Song 7.5 - Liking him more and more this season. Does the job. If only he could grow another 2 inches, look a bit more menacing, lose some hair, and he'd be our Vieira.

RVP 7 - Didn't I see him score an identical goal v Blackburn? Nice to see the confidence back.

Nice full highlights are right here, so enjoy; after that, Le Boss's post-match views as well.


Watch Arsenal v Birmingham City in Sports Online  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com



Le Boss makes reference to this and no doubt this was a good Saturday for more reasons than what happened at the Emirates. First, Chelski losing 2-1 to Villa in the early kick off. SWEET! Chelski have been crap this season, and it's about time it showed. Too many last minute winners against lesser teams, and at last, their crapness has showed. So we're four points off the pace with a game in hand. Who would've thought. Just brilliant I say.

Elsewhere, Pool get beaten by a balloon. And a red one thrown on by a Pool fan no less. What larks. I've had a look at the goal, and it's hilarious. Bozo Reina actually looks over at the ballon instead of the ball as it heads into the net. Not that the deflection was that massive, but what a twit. Anyways, I'll leave it to the Dubious Goals Committee to decide if that's going to be a Bent goal or a Balloon o.g.

So our esteemed challengers have now lost four. Four. Four. Is their season over then? Who cares. Probably not. But in any case, it all sets up quite nicely for next weekend, when we get Pool v Man U. Perfect opportunity for us to play a little catch up.

On the injury front, Theo's out for 23 years looks like, so fingers crossed Nasri gets back into shape in extra quick time.

Wonder if I'll bother watching Citeh tomorrow. Bluuurrgh.

Review: Arsenal 6 - Blackburn 2

Deja vu. 6-2. Rhymes too.



But what a strange strange game this was. In our attacking play, we basically picked up where we left off against Olympiakos, with a fluency we're scarily becoming assoicated with. But in our defensive third, it was really very scary stuff. In this case, really scary, not the nice kind of scary.



The first goal, courtesy of Bernie Madoff M'Ponzi was typically soft. It was a pathetic goal to give away in the first couple of minutes. Robinson free kick straight into the penalty box, and a looping header straight into the goal. TV who lost the header, and Mannone who was woefully off the line, were to blame.



It was unnecessary, we needed that kick up the arse, given how we'd started with an almost over-confident swagger. And who else to equalise with a screamer than TV himself. Funny how he had a "screw this shit, how dare these crappos from Blackburn score against me" look about his "celebrations". All this within the first 17 minutes or so.



Then another soft soft goal. Lousy Dunn deflected goal as our defence stood off a-not-so-intimidating run into the box by the fatso.



Now that really pissed the guys off, and another 5 absolute gems to come from RVP, Arsh, Cesc, Theo and Bent Nick. My fave must be Nick's. He came on with like 15 minutes left, and seemed 100% intent on capitalising on the Blackburn goal. And what a goal...



If both teams had made good their opportunities, we could've had like a rugby score: 14 - 5; e.g. RVP dawdled when he should've scored right in front of goal, Cesc hitting the bar with a header, Cesc heading straight at Robinson, etc etc. But truth be told, I'd struggle to find 6 prettier Arse goals than we had today. And all by six different players too. Wonder when that last happened.



Defensively, it was really quite bad at times. Scarily lax in the latter third, giving Blackburn too much space to run at us, giving the ball away, and letting them get behind us. Clichy, Diaby and Song all guilty of this at different times. After our nice run of clean sheets, this was really an unacceptable defensive display.



We'd better buck up in that department - lest we get punished again like we did at friggin' Citeh.



As for the player ratings:



Mannone 7 - Generally dependable, save that first silly goal to give away.



Sagna 7 - Nothing much came from the Blackburn left, so Bacary had us pretty much covered there.



Gallas 7.5 - Good solid showing in the middle; never tired.



TV 7.5 - Top scorer still. Incredible. Though I suppose his weak jump in defence for the first goal does hint at his being human.



Clichy 6.5 - Not a terribly convincing display. Let a few dudes get behind him too many times. Needs to work on that.



Song 7.5 - Generally quiet dependable display, but that's what he's getting known for. Allowed Cesc to run the show.



Cesc 8.5 - Ran the show from midfield. Involved in TV's goal, RVP's goal, Arsh's goal and Theo's goal. Add to that a voluptous volley, and hitting the bar with a header...



Diaby 6 - Not sure why Le Boss kept him on for the whole 90. Did nothing to contribute. Dawdled on the ball too often again. Damn. I think it's his hair. Hasn't had one since his brace at Pompey, and that has clearly affected his form.



Arsh 7.5 - Excellent third goal. Had a couple of great runs at the Blackburn defence. Amazing centre of gravity. Never seems to be able to fall over.


Rosicky 7.5 - Hard to believe he's been out for so long. Ran his lungs off, and had a couple of good shots at goal. We've missed his trickery, and thank god he's been able to cover for Nasri. They're almost identical, aren't they?



RVP 8 - Together with Cesc, at the heart of all our best attacking moves. His goal, like TV's, had more than a hint at "take THAT, you idiots!" written all over it. What a finish. Should've done better thought, when he should've headed rather than control the ball on his chest 6 yards from the goal line.



A mention for Theo - what a return. Excellent finish. Must've had a nice time with the Olympiakos reserves.


Great extended highlights here, so enjoy:



Nice little post-game interview Le Boss too:



All in all, a nice Sunday out. Add to that Man U's inept performance and getaway against Sunderland, we've done pretty well for ourselves, eh? Speaking of Man U's lucky draw against Sunderland - strange how it's the first draw from the Big Four this season. Weird. But it just shows. Methinks 4-5 of the gang will be in it for the long haul this season. Minus Spurs.



Now, to the Chelski - Pool game...and oh well. Chelski were ripe for the taking but so were Pool, who were really dismal. Not much of a chance, and they were never in it. Would've preferred a draw, but their loss has allowed us to leap frog them into 4th with a game in hand. But consider the stats on the league table. Played 7, scored 24. 14 at home in 3 games. Simply awesome attacking force. More work to be done elsewhere.


Final little bit of trivia. Of course, the camera work for the game saw a whole lot of attention on Thierry Henry in the stands. I presume it was his little girl with him, but who was the lady friend? English? From London? Does that explain his sudden expressions of intent to return to London? AND, more strangely, what the heck was Paddy Vieira doing at Stamford Bridge? Was he even at the Emirates before?

The Return

A day before Blackburn, and all sorts of things out there paying tribute to Le Boss. Our longest serving manager ever, and most successful ever. Nothing much more I can add to that. You could even say that through Arse, Le Boss has also single-handedly altered the shape of the English Premier League for the better.

At the same time, there's now Thierry Henry saying that he would very much like to return to the Emirates one day.

"I'm trying to finish what I started nearly 15 years ago but we will see. I always said you go back to where you belong. I never stopped saying I love Arsenal and I will one day go back there."

"How? I don't now. Maybe as a water boy. Who knows? I just love the club and eventually one day I will go back for sure. "

He says "for sure". Hmmm. Absolutely? Perhaps he's had a little bit of a Pep Guardiola-esque inspiration to become a super successful young manager. But honestly, I don't really see him as being a really good manager. Remember, he never really had much success as our captain, so I'm not sure he has it in him...between Henry and Bergkamp, I'd go for the latter.

Henry's love for Arse, however, does raise another question. Just why did he leave in the first place? For a Champions League medal? Well, he's got that now. Where to at this point? Was it just to leave London and his messy family life behind? Is that why he's so sure he'll return one day? Or maybe he's saying it simply because he's bought himself an apartment at Highbury Square, and that he'd come back every now and then?

Ah well. Whatever. We'll see.

In the more immediate future, we have Theo and Bent Nick back for Blackburn. Eduardo's crocked (as usual). I suppose the time he's been out, and how much his body has gone through, he'll probably be prone to the more than occasional niggly injury for the rest of his career. Touch wood, but Bent Nick seems rather injury-proof by Arse standards, so he's better start taking his first team chances by the balls.

On to Sunday then. In the meantime, I've just seen Spurs equalise against Bolton, which has potentially spoiled what would have been a great Saturday football wise.