Puke...

Things are building up to Saturday of course. Y'know, I only really appreciated these lunch time kick-offs when I was watching from GMT+8. But now, at GMT +1 on a Saturday, it's gonna be hard to explain to Mrs Arsewiper that we're killing the entire Saturday (the only day that this particular country decides to be alive during the weekend) with a game early in the afternoon.

So I'll give it a miss. But watch it delayed. For all Arsewiping fans out there, please refrain from your messages lamenting misses, etc etc. I'll get to it when I get home. And if I really can't wait (which is the most likely case), I'll just check via my mobile. Thanks in advance!

Now on to more serious stuff.

First, if your breakfast hasn't yet been properly digested, wait 2 minutes before going further. We've already seen Robbie Keane's words dripping from his anal sphincter, but just for fun:

"In the last four or five years Arsenal always managed to get ahead of us but if you look now it is even. It will be judged at the end of the season but if you look at the bench we have, it is probably a bit stronger than their bench.”

Alright then. All I can suggest is that you go to a neutral third party to consider views to the contrary. Of course, on their day, Spurs can do a thing or two. Like beat Pool. And no doubt, they're possibly better now than in years past. But please, let's get some perspective. I'm not going to say we're going to kick their butts for sure on Saturday, coz I'm smarter than Robbie Keane (doesn't say much), but just looking at their record, I'll just let the punters make their own judgement.

Elsewhere, 'arry Redknapp's talking up the great David Bentley. He of numeruos testicles. Seriously: "There's no doubt Bentley has balls - plenty of 'em". Shite. Wonder who sponsors the Spurs jock-staps. Must be good if Bentley can run as he does with plenty of balls.

Enough about Spurs. Let's just see on Saturday, and after that, May 2010.

As for our squad, well, looks like poor Fabianski has fallen prey to the suspicious "chest infection aka thigh injury". He seemed perfectly fine to me Wednesday, so it must have been a virus. Which goalkeepers sometimes get. Which can be quite contagious. Especially between goalkeepers. Sometimes most contagious when certain other goalkeepers start recovering.

So perhaps Almunia will start on Saturday, and then Wednesday, and after that, depending on his recovery, he may succumb to the same virus again, this time affecting another part of his anatomy. Which is fine, since this virus will then have resolved itself in Fabianski. Who may then come back, but of course depending on whether the virus has manifested itself in Mannone.

But which leads to another problem - that these viruses only seem to affect Arse goalkeepers. Which may mean we'll need goalkeeping reinforcements in January. Right?

Going back to Spurs then. Random check on the bookies, and the most likely outcomes are:

Arse 1-0: 6 to 1; 1-1 and Arse 2-1: 7-1, and finally, Spurs 1-0 and Arse 3-0 are equally likely at 10-1. Looks good for Arse you think? 5-0 and 5-1 look good at 66-1, so maybe a couple of bucks on those then.

C'mon you Reds!

I'll just end with something for a little Friday chuckle. Special guest for today is none other than Liverpool ace Dirk Kuyt (pronounced coit, as in coitus). Here's his take on new Anfield messiah Alberto Aquilani:

“Alberto tries to be involved in training and outside the pitch. He tried to play cards with us before the Arsenal game and he has attempted to pick up the language."

He TRIED...he really TRIED...to...PLAY CARDS! With the boys, BEFORE the Arsenal game. AND! He attempted to pick up the language.

Well, shiver me timbers, I think we've got a live one here! Here's a little advice: try starting him on Top Trumps. Then, he can start learning both the language, and all the stats on key players as well!