Cesc, Messi, whatever

For some reason (perhaps it's the game on Wednesday?), there's all sorts of things out there about Cesc, Messi, the whole junior Barca team that had Gerard Pique thrown in as well, about how one fine day Cesc will return to the promised land and finally, the universe will be in balance. The Age of Aquarius will come to an end, and universal peace will descend upon Catalonia - which will then bring upon the second Golden Age in world football. Francesc and Lionel will sprout wings, and join up with the Angels Gabriel, Michael and Malachim.

Who gives a flying ___, you know. Let this be known: I'd always kinda liked Barca. Yeah, they play some good football. Yeah, they've got a footballing philosophy that we can relate to, and yeah they aren't Real Madrid - with all their self-promoting loathsome references to Galacticos. But I've decided I've changed my mind. I shit hate Barca. Their self-promoting loathsome references to footballing nirvana are majorly getting on my nerves. You know what - the day you get Cesc back, fine. We're gonna get by. No one player is ever bigger than a club. We know it, Cesc knows it and Barca - for all the brilliance of Messi - are fast losing the plot. So screw them. I'm rooting for Real now. I'll even watch Cristiano Ronaldo - that's how deep my revulsion for Barca goes right now. Win or lose v Barca, I no longer hold any regard for those shits at the Nou Camp. We're still the better team.

Anyways, there are more important things for us to do. Like look forward to the Birmingham game. It's probably a more difficult game than most Arse fans will admit to. Despite their indifferent form these days (coming after an amazing run of a couple of games undefeated early on), they really have only been beaten twice at home this season. And that was all the way back in September when they lost to Villa and Bolton (??). Since then, they've drawn at home to both Man U and Chelski. Anything we take from here will be great Forget all the nonsense about us playing at St Andrews for the first time since Eduardogate. Just give us three points. I won't even mind 1-0, even if it won't really help a growing goal difference deficit.

I think Alex McLeish has been one of the less grating managers around so far this season, and his comments on the physicality of the game are something anyone with half a brain could live with. Ahead of the game, he's said that "I'll certainly say to my team 'don't stand back and admire then', but there won't be any rough stuff."

Fair play to you then, Sir. Thanks. Good thing Billy will be out massaging his calf. Not sure what he'd do, contemplating that rather familiar centre-circle.

As far as our injury situation goes, there's nothing really new to be said. Bent Nick may just make it back - which is great news, since we all know Eduardo isn't really worth much these days. Give me Nick hopping around on one foot and I'll still take him ahead of Eduardo. At least Nick can still jump and head a ball, no? And he'll probably still be faster than Ed as well.

Alrighty then. Tomorrow's Saturday. At long long last. I can't believe I actually say through that Spurs-Fulham FA game in mid-week. How much more inane can mid-week get?

Toodle-oo.

Hmph

Looks like the Telegraph has done some crystal-ball gazing, following on from my post of couple days past. If the guys over there have got it right, they've got Man U finishing on 87 points, Arse on 84 and Chelski on 81. Hmph.

I'd said that if we won every game on in, we'd be champs. The Telegraph has us drawing v Birmingham and Blackburn - the latter being the one which kills off our chances. We'll see. Wonder why they've seen Blackburn losing to Man U but holding us at home. Strange. But as I said, based on Man U's envisioned 87 points, if we won every game, we'd have 88. I'm not counting chickens here for sure, and I resent the crystal-ball gazers for making me do this...

Elsewhere, we've lost the appeal we put in on Vermaelen's red card. Oh well. At least the FA stuck to the one game ban. Which means the boy will be well rested for Barca. Which means if Wenger wants Vermaelen-Sol for Barca, then Song-Silvestre may start v Birmingham. Oops. Well, if it makes us feel better, that's all sorts of weird shit going on about Billy. Check this out:

"Michel Gaillaud, a sports doctor treating Gallas at his rehabilitation center in France, says the Frenchman started running again last week. Gaillaud says Gallas might kick a ball again this week and may even be ready for the Champions League quarterfinal against Barcelona at Arsenal's Emirates next Wednesday."

Erm. Yeah. A guy who only started RUNNING last week will play against Barca and Messi on Wednesday next week? Right...And RVP will be scoring a hat-trick as well.

All rather quiet on this Tuesday. There isn't even West Ham-Wolves on the telly. That's how desperate I've become. Suppose there should be something tomorrow. In the meantime, though, just started wondering just when Panini are going to release their 2010 World Cup sticker collection?! Woohoo!!

Now We Know...

Mrs Arsewiper happened to catch a couple of bits of the Arse-West Ham game over the weekend, and all she said afte Cesc had scored his penalty was: "Why has he grown a beard?"

I admit I did notice it, but I can safely say that that was not one of my major preoccupations while sitting through the 90 minutes. I said I didn't know. It was probably one of those passing Spanish fad things. You know Cesc. There's been the longish-hair with the hair-band thingy, the slightly mohawkish look, the closer shave, whatever.

But now we know. The dude had a pimple. On his neck. Must've been an awfully big, ugly, painful one:

"I also had a little bit of an infection on my face as well. I could not really train too much. So I took it a little bit easy. It was my throat. That is why I have grown my beard - if I shaved you could see the lump. At the beginning it was tough but at the end I was strong."

I was wondering about the quote for a while. I mean, if it was a throat infection so bad that it could show - shit - he'd be out of action for more than a couple of weeks. Then I figured it out. It was just a damn painful pimple. Not his throat, the silly boy. On his neck! One that even affected his training (?!?). But he got over his pimple. He was strong. He the man, I say.

Gianfranco Zola has had some nice things to say of us too, it seems:

“When we played Chelsea last week they probably didn’t play with the same quality or intensity as Arsenal. Arsenal are terrible, if you leave them a little bit of space because they punish you.

Arsenal, along with Barcelona, are the team who are playing the best football in Europe probably. They are very good to watch."

Thanks, but I'll take this with a pinch of salt. Probably his way of saying: hell, we got beat by 10-man Arsenal, only because they're shit good, better than Chelski and way up there with Barca. Sorry dude, don't think that's going to help you with your job. Liked you as a player, like you as a person, but methinks you ain't been a good enough manager (so far).

Finally, then. Gonna close with a funny story from the French league. All revolves around that very exciting prospect of Bordeaux v Lyon in the quarters. You see, UEFA Champions League games are usually played in midweek, right? Well, it looks like the weekend before their match, "someone", i.e. Lyon, will play on Friday, while "someone else", i.e. Bordeaux will play on Saturday. So what Bordeaux have done is ask that the Lyon game be moved to Saturday:

"So today Bordeaux asks the LFP to re-establish the equilibrium between the two clubs by making Lyon play on Saturday, March 27. Bordeaux, who have excellent relations with Lyon, don't doubt their sportsmanship and their understanding in this approach and count on the support of the LFP.''

Equilibrium. Indeed. Hear ye, hear ye. All those who agree with equilibrium, rise.

I just hope the LFP takes a look at this, snorts, does that French "pfffff....vaht can I do uh?" and chucks the request in the bin. Start on this, and all hell breaks loose with every other European league. Good thing UEFA has already ignored it.

For those with the propensity to remember: remember our tie at Old Trafford lst season, where we were absolutely hammered and got away with only goal conceded? Well, remember too that we played on Sunday prior to the Wednesday game, while Man U played on Saturday. So what's with equilibrium? Who said life was fair? Or equilibriumated? Maybe it was because we were dis-equilibriumised? I think I've found the answer...

I'm Walking on Sunshine...nearly

Remember that song? Katrina and the Waves, if I remember right. Sure to given you a nice happy feeling every time, just like that one I got when Blackburn gave it good to Chelski today. Sweet. Everyone would've thought the game was done and dusted with Fidier Frogba got this early goal, but hey - I'll bet nobody counted on a super Blackburn performance in the second half.

Earlier in the day, Pool unsurprisingly flopped after taking a great early lead. Let's list the ways to describe it: weak, flaccid, disappointing, anti-climatic and well, typical. So much early promise, but alas. Though I must say: the penalty decision against Mascherano was harsh, and quite a lousy decision. But we're used to that ourselves.

The situation as is: Arse in second, 2 points behind Man U, and Chelski a further 2 behind. The games are fast running down. Seven left to go. It may sound like not too many - and indeed there aren't that many - but let's just look at Man U's remaining games:

1. Bolton away

2. Chelski home

3. Blackburn away

4. Manciti away

5. Spurs home

6. Sunderland away

7. Stoke home

Now, we already know that there's no way that both Man U and Chelski will finish with maximum points from all their games. So that's already stat one to look out for. There's Bolton, Blackburn and Manciti all away too. If they come away with 9 points there, they'd have done really well. Of course, I fully expect Spurs to capitulate, so we can expect them to finish with 9 points from their last three games. The games to really look out for then, will be the first four of the list above.

1. Pompey away

2. Villa home

3. Man U away

4. Bolton home

5. Spurs away

6. Stoke home

7. Pool away

8. Wigan home

Some interesting ones for sure as well, apart from the obvious. Villa, Spurs and Pool all possible fixtures for some dropped points. Here's my bet then. If we win all our remaining games, we'll be Champions. But touch wood, this is not me counting chickens. Just doing a little bit of statistical wishful thinking. Let's see. What Chelski can do is make it interesting at Fratton Park this mid-week.

Gonna end this Sunday night with a little thought on PSG. Not my fault. Blame Armand Traore. But anyway, I was just wondering. It's tragic enough (and unnecessary enough) for any football fan to be attacked and killed during a game. But, to be attacked and killed by a fellow supporter or group of supporters? Now, that really boggles the mind. Seems there are rival groups of PSG fans. What happens when PSG wins? Just how do these rival groups celebrate? Hmmm.

But anyhooos. I love my Arse. There is no other team anywhere close on this planet.

Review: Arsenal 2 - West Ham 0

I'd said 7-0, but I'll take 2-0 with 10 men. It was more efficient than extravagant, more sweat than swagger, and despite the best efforts of Martin Atkinson to muck it all all up, we showed what it would take to be Champions.

After our perfect start with Denilson's well-taken goal on 5 minutes, we seemed to shift back into 3rd gear, and looked content and comfortable with a slower, less urgent pace to the game. Of course, everything changed with one stupid decision. It was, at best, a 50-50 penalty decision, as Vermaelen went in to challenge on Guillermo Franco (side note: Who can forget his crying when we won at Villareal in 2006!). It was far from clear cut, and a penalty decision would've been penalty enough. But no, Mr Atkinson proceeds to send TV off. Just perfect. Cruising one moment, staring disaster right up the arse the next. Just perfect, and quite typical of some of things that we've done (and been done to) this season. But up steps Almunia for his first and only meaningful contribution to the game, with an excellent stop from the quite irritating Diamanti.

That was at the end of the first half, and the second, well...was how should I say this? Well orchestrated. Efficient, but with 10 men, unable to be as extravagant as we would like. Though West Ham never really threatened, you felt we would need the second. All in all, though - I have to say I was probably more satisfied with our second-half performance than our first. Song especially stood out - first at the back in midfield, then doing a sterling job in TV's place. Eboue was always threatening, and particularly when our midfield was light, bypassed it all with a couple of good runs into the West Ham area. Our penalty was sweet too. We've got to make those cheeky, chipped shots onto someone's arm a specialty. Much like what Rory Delap has done with his throw.

Not the 7-0 we wanted, but the 3 points we needed. Job done. Top of the table. Now let's see Pool take care of Man U. (Yeah, right).

Player ratings:

Almunia 7.5 - Fine penalty save. Came into the office, did the one thing he needed to do, and kept the rest easy.

Clichy 7 - Nothing spectacular, nothing disastrous either. Down to 10 men, you felt his more creative side was sadly curtailed.

Sol 7 - Another good good show. Who would've thought he would have so many 90 minute-games under his belt. With TV gone, provided enough stability at the back with Song.

TV - Can't say very much. Slightly unfortunate with the sending off, and up till then had not really been troubled.

Eboue 8 - My co-Man of the Match. Great in defence. Solid going up, and even in the middle. Seemed to be everywhere. This was Eboue at his best. Probably drew more fouls than any other Arse player (even Cesc).

Song 8 - The other Man of the Match. I don't think there's anyone in the team that can do what he does. We'll need him fit for the Champions League on this form. Strong at the back, measured going forward. Monster Man, I'll call him.

Nasri 7 - Slightly muted with Cesc's return. At times threatened to do brilliant things again, but faded late into the second half. May need a rest with Birmingham.

Denilson 7 - Gave us the perfect start, and for the rest of the game, did what was needed. Has shown the knack of showing up every now and then with crucial goals.

Cesc 7 - Not his best by far. Seemed slightly off the pace, and wasted more than one corner and free kick. We can forgive him that, given his time away, but still managed to show his class with a cool penalty.

Arsh 5.5 - The laggard of the lot. Seems desperately in need of a rest. With Barca coming up, the boss may do well to give Rosicky and Walcott a good run in. Looked tired and lacking in ideas.

Bent Nick 7 - Out and about as usual, and looked to have a goal in him. Until he had to be taken off - tactical, it looked it. Diaby coming on in his place did change the game quite a bit, shaking things up in midfield.

Looking forward then, it does look like we will have TV suspended. Now that utterly sucks. Believe it or not, that was our first red card of the season, and you'll hardly see a softer, more meaningless red card this season. It was a pathetic refereeing decision, and we can only be glad that the next game's v Birmingham, and hopefully Silvestre/Campbell can take care of things.

Before we play again on Saturday next week though, Chelski will play their two games in hand - both away, at Blackurn and Pompey. Blackburn could be tricky, and I'll be watching to see that Fat Sam does us an unlikely favour. Same too at Fratton Park. The boys there will have nothing left to play for than pride, and given their performance against Hull this afternoon, I won't write them off just yet. (Of course, they could screw the whole thing over but fielding their entire second string with the FA Cup in mind. What's the FA gonna do? Deduct them more points?)

Alright then. Saturday's out of the way. An interesting game or two tomorrow, and a few telling ones in midweek too. Nothing that involves us, so hopefully everyone gets a good rest up before the action comes thick and fast in two weeks time.

The Draw: It had to be Barcelona

To be honest, I couldn't be happier. Yes, in the run-up, I'd hoped for the likes of Lyon or Bordeaux or CSKA, something "easier"...but after a bit of contemplation, I think I'd very much prefer Barca. Here's why.

First, if we are to get through to the semis, there is no other team out there that I'd rather us beat than Barca. What an incredible lift that would give us. Toe-to-toe with the likes of Iniesta, Xavi and Messi, and our boys come through.

Second, if we are to lose to any other team at this stage, there is no other team out there that I'd rather us lose to. Most worthy Champions they have been, and there would be no shame in going out with a fight.

Third, if we are to go out of the Champions League, might as well be now. You get no extra prizes for getting to the semis or finals, and it frees us up in the final crucial last games of the league.

So on to March 31st then. I can hardly wait. Yes, we have the disadvantage of playing our home game first, but at least we've got a home game v Wolves right before the return leg at the Nou Camp. We've had bigger nights in Europe, Barca in 2006 of course being the case in point. But this has got to be the biggest game that we will have hosted at the Emirates so for. Sure beats slogging it out with the likes of Benfica in the Europa League. We've haven't even got there, but I'm already might proud of our boys for giving themselves the opportunity.

Elsewhere, Man U's luck continues, and they should be happiest with the draw. Yes, Bayern might be tricky, and I surely hope so, but in the semis they've got the rub of the grain with either Lyon or Bordeaux. At some point, I wonder if UEFA will start looking at how the draw plays out. Yes, the wonders of the open draw will always throw up things like Arse v Barca in the quarters, and you'll get other teams sneaking in with relatively easier run-ins. You've gotta accept that, but I just wonder what kind of viewership figures you're going to be getting for the French domestic duel.

Now, for the first time in Arsewiping history, we have the privilege of having a Special Arsewiping Friend/Correspondent (or Special AFC) report direct from UEFA in Nyon, Switzerland. Our Special AFC caught up with David Miles, Arsenal Secretary, who offered us a few remarks, noting in particular, with reference to our last meeting in 2006, the fact that we've got a "great new team, with a great spirit". Yes, things have changed since 2006, with ole Thierry now on the other side, but Miles thought we'd be up for it. (But of course, Dear Sir!)

Miles suggested too that Thierry would get a nice little welcome to the Emirates, and I wouldn't begrudge him that. Finally, of course, he recognises that both teams play with a "similar attacking style" - which should no doubt throw up a fantastic game of football.

I say shame it had to be in the quarters, but que sera sera. I'd rather watch it over two legs than one, and have them over at the Emirates too.

The tie just brings up so many possible side stories. Of course, there's the whole "revenge" thing, but that doesn't really rattle my chain. Take Sol though. Sol - the man who scored our goal in Paris. Sol - the man who a year ago was probably closer to Barca through his Playstation. Now, the old man will have Lionel Messi - no doubt the world's greatest player right now - snapping at his old heels and fat thighs. All we need now is for Sol to suddenly become our own London version of Lucio.

There's of course the Thierry story too - and some in Barca will no doubt talk about about Cesc the Catalan returning to the Camp Nou. Well. As I said, let's just see what happens in the middle of the park on 31 March 2010. You may want him back, but not before he does the deed to you first. Then there are those who speak of a possible Inter-Barca replay should Barca get through. But screw that I say - what about the Wenger-Mourinho match up?

As is evident, there's too much to digest. Let's get tomorrow out of the way - and bring on Messi!

D-Day

As in draw day. Is tomorrow. Fingers crossed. You can be sure that the Arsewiper will be first to report on the draw. Yeah, right. Or at least, the first to report on Arsewiping reactions.

Funny how the award-winning official Arse website has a little piece entitled, "Who could we face in the Champions League?" Easy one to answer that. Seven other teams apart from...Arsenal FC. And who might we face in the semis, should we get there? Er, three other teams apart from...Arsenal FC. Brilliant. It's going to be a real toss-up, so here's to Man U v Barca first out of the hat.

Elsewhere on arsenal.com is Traore realising just how stupid he sounded. The boy's annoyed..."Yes I am annoyed, because I spoke with good intention but it hasn't come out that way. I said I would maybe like to play there eventually because I grew up supporting PSG, but nowhere near the summer." So what he really means is that he'll probably only want to RETIRE there, y'know, in the footsteps of Makelele, Giuly... Oh well. Whatever. He never really inspired despite being given the chance with the simultaneous injuries to Clichy and Gibbs, so who knows where he's going to retire. It's always going to be dodgy with any sort of Traore. Or Armand.

I'm really sorry for this, but the night has been quiet. And I've just realised that Fulham now lead Juve 3-1. That's just freaky man. How far Juve have fallen. This I have to see, so in case I don't return, more at 1230pm CET.

That Nice Warm Fuzzy Feeling

So it's a Wednesday night on an Arse-less midweek. But that hasn't stopped me from getting a nice dose of the above. Chelski v Inter was sweet. Those who'd read my earlier posting on the Champions League draw would've seen my sentiments on the potential that the tie held. And did it deliver in the sweetest way.

Chelski are out. Without as much of a whimper I must add. They needed to score one. Just one. But didn't manage a shot on target all night. I know a lot has been said about how the win was down to Mourinho's tactical genius - but for long stretches of the game, I was wondering if the many misses from Eto'o (whose name evoked numerous Homer Simpson-esque cries last night) and that crap Milito was going to come back to haunt them and us. But alas, thank god, no.

Chelski are out. Our nemesis. The stuff of post-traumatic stress syndrome. I mean, after the Champions League quarters in 2004...who could take more of Chelski in Europe? 1-1 at Stamford Bridge, cruising, one-up at Highbury...then all screwed over by a late Wayne Bridge goal.

That's just the Champions League. Have had enough of Chelski in recent years. Carling Cup final, FA Cup semis, twice this season, there's only so much screwing over anyone can take.

AND! It's not like they're friggin' Barcelona. They were crap yesterday, have been crap post-Mourinho, and still...

But, that's the end of them this season. No more Chelski. In the league or the Champions League. The line up as I sit here and wait for Barca and Bordeaux to get on with it is: Arse, Man U, Lyon, CSKA, Inter and Bayern. Must say: Barca will be happy. I'm happy. Put aside Man U and whatever happens, I'm pretty chuffed at our prospects. Wouldn't mind Stuttgart making things interesting, and wonder when was the last time France had two teams in the quarters.

Nothing else interesting happening.

Apart from Pompey getting deducted 9 points. I think Hull should be deducted 9 too, for only getting rid of that twat now.

Apart from Armand Traore showing us just how ambitious he is by stating his life-long goal of playing for PSG. Thank god he was born in Paris, or he'd be craving to play for Dunkerque.

Apart from John Terry, Captain Fantastic, running over a staff member leaving Stamford Bridge. What is it with his man?

And of course, apart from Cesc and Song coming back for West Ham at the weekend. Woohoo! 7-0! 7-0! 7-0!

Alright then. Kick-off beckons.

Another late Arsewipe...

It's Monday. All that I've seen of Saturday so far were the three goals, and highlights from Match of the Day.

I was actually following the game via my phone - you know, refreshing the damn ESPNSoccernet match page every 5 minutes while trying not to appear rude during dinner...Anyway, there I am refreshing the damn thing, and as FT drew ever closer, I started composing within my head what this entry would say, e.g. "We tried, but it was not to be", "We gave it good go, but alas..."

At the same time, more than ever, there was still a glimmer of hope, even expectation that I'd see the score change. And lo and behold. The Bent Nick delivered.

The main points that I've come away with:

1. We played kinda crap.

2. But we had the balls. Belief, some would say.

3. Quite unlike seasons past.

4. Things look good. Man U will have tricky ties coming up, and I can't wait.

5. The pitch was awful. What on earth was the EPL doing allowing the game to go ahead with the pitch looking like wet cow dung, and with all those extra lines on? What is Hull up to man? What are we going to have next? Lines for tennis courts, basketball courts and netball? Get a life. I know Hull is probably better known for rugby, but this is not quite right.

6. Stamford Bridge looked like crap too.

7. We need a new system. For teams that have all that money, not to put it into maintaining their pitch...

8. This is what I say. For pitches that aren't quite up to scratch, the ref calls off the game and replays it at the opposing team's grounds next time round.

9. If we could do it year in, year out at Highbury and now at the Emirates, anyone else can. (If they want to that is).

So it's Monday, and the fallout from the KC Stadium is that Phil Brown has been sacked. How absolutely sweet. That we were the ones to deal the final blow, the coup de grace. May we never ever see that Perma-tan and those damn ear-pieces ever again. On that latter point, unfortunately, Fat Sam seems to have taken a long-term liking to them, unfortunately.

We have one more week of rest to go. Hopefully, Cesc will be fit for West Ham. Hopefully, we'll really do some damage in making up the goal difference deficit, and hopefully, Sol rests up and suddenly finds himself that much faster. All in all, as cover for Billy, I'll have to say it's been pretty good so far. God bless his soul and his big fat thighs.

All else seems quiet on the Arse front. The news - even in the venerable BBC - is of Beckham's achilles. This is exactly why I hate England. Don't get me wrong. I kinda like the dude. The last of his generation. Now, all we see are the likes of Lampard, Terry, Cole, Rooney... the epitome off classless-ness.

For now, I'm resting up with Liverpool (blurgh) vs....Pompey (blurgh x2). Hopefully, we'll get some amusement value out of the game.

See ya all.

Review: Arsenal 5 - Porto 0

An injured Arsewiper readily admits to a rather late review. What is it with Arse and injuries? Five minutes before kick-off, and I nearly slice off my finger. But hey, nothing was going to keep me from Arse v Porto...

Even if it meant celebrating the first goal jumping up with one hand stopping the bleeding from the other. (Let it be known than I am typing this with some difficulty minus one finger).

In any case, what sweet pain it all was. But for 10-15 jittery minutes at the start of the second half, we were at our imperious best - some of the passing was scarily good. I mean, we even had Arsh winning a header for our first goal. How more poetic can it get? As far as Bent Nick's hat-trick goes, well, if ever a missed hat-trick can be forgiven, it would be during a game with Burnley. And what better way to make up than getting one in the Champions League three days later. The performances from all across the team were remarkable. From Vermaelen to Sol, Nasri to Rosicky and even Eboue. Not to mention Nick. All on any other day would've been worthy men of the match on their performances.

This then, must rank up their on our most glorious European nights. With Madrid 1-0, Juve 2-0, Inter 5-1...and this without Cesc, RVP and even with a more-than-occasionally slack Arsh. Looks like Stoke really has had an effect, and we can only look forward to Saturday and doing the same to Hull.

To the player ratings:

Almunia 6.5 - Had one save to make, one flying punch, and that was about it.

Clichy 6.5 - A few of his occasions od lax defending, and letting the likes of the Incredibel Hulk get through. Thank god Hulk was more Bruce Banner last night.

Sol 7 - Showed his age on a few occasions, but showed too what we'd been lacking in experience. Good showing from the old man. A few clever challenges, sly nudges - solid defending all round.

TV 7.5 - Took up the slack from Billy's absence. All over the place, and got in the way of most things coming down the middle.

Sagna 7 - Scarily strong for a small-ish dude. Fast as always going forward, and he'll alwayd deliver a better ball than Theo...

Diaby 7 - Kept to his habits of keeping the ball, but had a better-than-average return last night. Not exactly commanding, but effective enough.

Song 6.5 - Not a bad performance, but I've marked him down given higher expectations. Had an average defensive show, and went forward aimlessly on more than one occasion. Needed him more than any other to stabilise things during that first period of the second half.

Nasri 8.5 - Cesc reincarnated. Has a stronger right leg (and left one too!). Pulled the strings, and showed the team how to get it done with his peach of a goal. Even Mrs Arsewiper sat up and watched that goal. Oh yeah, add to that a goal-line clearance too.

Arsh 7 - Good, but could've been much much better. Gave the ball away too many times, though he more than made up for those with his three assists. Just shows what quality is I suppose. Generally a so-so day at the office (with an open-goal miss too), but still has enough in store.

Rosicky 7 -Good energy; trade-mark performance of quiet effectiveness.

Bent Nick 8.5 - Just what he needed: first half, two chances, two goals. Probably had a better game at Burnley getting into position, but this time, he took advantage of his fewer opportunities.

As far as the Champions League goes then, let's not get ahead of ourselves. The draw for the quarters and semis takes place 19 March at 12 noon CET. Deadline Nyon. Fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I'm going to sit back and enjoy the rest of the games which will decide the rest to go with Arse and Bayern. It'd be nice to see Lyon sneak in...

Later.

Review: Arsenal 3 - Burnley 1

Oh, the pain, the pain. Oh why do we subject ourselves to such pain?

This was a Burnley with the worst away record after 14 games in Premier League history. One point. One measly point, and we were made to sweat. I'd said before the game that this was one game where we would need to take the opportunity for a 7-0 drubbing. If Bent Nick had taken his four crystal clear chances, we would have something close to that. Sure, Burnley eventually did not make us pay, but they were mighty close, and against any other team with a semblance of a defence, we would have been made like real idiots after 90 minutes. Any team with aspirations of the title, and any proper striker should really begin to take their chances. One chance, one goal. At worst, two chances, one goal. But no...on this day, with Burnley being as generous with their defence as I've seen of any team in recent years, we fail to take any of our best chances. Our three goals, in fact, probably came from the three least clear-cut chances.

And it wasn't just Bent Nick. I'd add Eduardo too, who looks slower and slower with every bit appearance. Right up till his goal, Arsh looked lost as well.

If we're going to get anything against Porto on Tuesday, we're really going to have to work on that finishing. Burnley never had it in them to bite us in the butt, but I don't there're any other teams in all of Europe who would be as generous.

Player ratings:

Almunia 6 - Just as dodgy on his crosses. Sheesh.

Clichy 6.5 - Some good runs, and a few good defensive displays, but at times still let them by him too easily.

Silvestre 6.5 - Convincing, but this was Burnley. Even then, still had a few suspect moments.

Vermaelen 7 - Thank god for him in the middle.

Eboue 7.5 - A typical (g00d) Ebouesque performance. Nice runs, and a better percentage of good crosses than Theo.

Denilson 5.5 - Lazy and anonymous. Yes, he does have a few neat touches, but he needs to work on the fact that having an opposing player waltz past you isn't quite Premier League stuff.

Cesc 7 - For his first half contribution, was probably our best bet for a goal, any goal.

Diaby 5.5 - On for Cesc, and sadly, not one of his better recent performances.

Nasri 7.5 - Excellent. Excellent assist for Cesc's goal, and seemed our best bet for a goal at the worst of times.

Theo 7 - A worthy showing from the boy. Put a few good crosses in, mixed in with the mediocre. The best were wasted, and it was a good thing he decided to save Nick the bother after he'd missed enough chances.

Bent Nick 4.5 - It was just one of those days. 4 chances that would've been put away by the the most mediocre of strikers. He'd better get over this funk on Tuesday. Got himself in good positions, but...absolutely shocking finishing.

Our defending was pathetic v Porto. Last night was our finishing. Porto on Tuesday, and let's make sure we get both right. Even the goal we let in was crap. Diaby was absent. Not sure Sol or Billy would've let that past. Or even Song.

All in all, just as Stoke was a struggle, I suppose we were due for a struggle at home. Good thing we had Burnley. It could've been embarassing, so thank god we got away unscathed.

More later.

The Last of Midweek Internationals

It seems last night's games were the last we'll see of meaningless international friendlies until the end of the season. If so, I'll have to say I'm thrilled.

For lack of anything vaguely competitive to watch, I was left with channel-surfing, from France v Spain to England v Egpyt. Let's just say this: First, as I've always said, France suck. Which is sad. I used to love the French team, but that was before Raymond Domenech. I'll say it again - that he's turned a great bunch of French nationals into a mediocre team of underperforming twats. They were lucky to get into the finals, and safe to say, they'll probably go out at the Group Stages in South Africa. Domenech should be rather thankful. Manager of England, with the kind of resources he has, and he'd be cooling his heels with Steve Maclaren and working on his Dutch-accented French.

As for Spain. They're my bet. Have always been. Can't see how a Best of Barca-Madrid team with Cesc and Torres thrown in can fail.

England then...regular readers of the Arsewiper will know my sentiments on the England team, so let's just say I was beside myself when Egypt took the lead - through the rather aptly-named Zidan(e). But alas, Crouch saves the day for England (which says alot about England). It's nice every now and then to watch a game hoping for a certain team to lose, but watching it on English TV (in this case ITV) has become more and more painful. The sheer biased-ness of the commentary was nauseating. A bad ref's decision in favour of Egypt and the ref and linesmen are berated - and I would add in rather distasteful nationalistic tones - but an even worse decision allowing Crouch's first goal despite obvious offside is shrugged off with nary a "toodle-oo".

Anyway, I digress. I hate England (the team) and have always said so. May they hold hands with their friends from across the pond and get on the same early flight back from South Africa.

As far as the Arse is concerned then, goal-machine Bent Nick continues with another goal, the Arsh plays for Russia (I presume this means he can at least walk), Cesc comes through fine, and Sagna is punished for 90 minutes. He might need a rest, but with Eboue also occupied with a meaningless international, he may have no other option. Carlos Vela will have to get over jet-lag (again!). Most of our other guys played as well, but I'll have final words for Theo.

Poor Theo. He was quite simply, awful. Nothing worse than awful than being awful in an awful team. At least at Arse, there was some redemption. But with England...

I won't go so far as even mention Chris Waddle, but let's just say that it's got nothing to do with "young" anymore. Rather, it's just his damn injuries. Mark my words. He'll start playing well again, we'll see glimpses of it, and lo and behold, he'll get injured.

Finally, finally, finally. Saturday. Burnley. We need a big win. A really big win. It's been too long since we last had one of those 7-0 whippings. We need one now. 4-0 and we'll go above Chelski. 7-0 and we'll take care of our GD with Man U.

Wonder how many of Burnley's best had their week off with internationals...

Speaking of which, consider this last comment from one of their best, Leon Cort. Brother of one Carl Cort:

"We are going to go there and still throw tackles in because it is a physical game and we are fighting for our lives."

Fighting for their lives. Indeed. Make it 8-0 on Saturday, with Leon Cort dying from his combat injuries in the process. What an idiot.

Some Hangover

Not at all alcohol-induced, but rather, caused by the sheer drain of having to think about the reasons for and implications of the Aaron Ramsey injury. There's been too much going on about it, so I'll spare myself the pain. The Arseblog has a good enough take on it, and there's nothing much more anybody can add. There is, however, another angle to this.

First, there is no avoiding it, but we do have to contemplate the effect this will have on the young lad's career. It may be a small redeeming factor that he's still "only 19", and that he should heal better and faster. But let's not forget that Diaby hadn't yet turned 20 either when he had his ankle done in. Apart from Henrik Larsson, I can't think of any top-level player who has experienced such an injury without going through the rest of their season with frequent niggles and never really rediscovering their peak. Think Djibril Cisse, and of course Diaby himself and Eduardo. Our prayers are with him.

So we now have to contemplate the career of one of Britain's rising stars. And what is the British tabloid press still going on about? John Terry, Wayne Bridge, and now Craig Bellamy's views on JT. The sheer imbecility of it all. Of course, it helped that it was another one of England's best young ones who did the deed in Ryan Shawcross. You can only wonder what the reaction would be if the perpetrator had been El-Hadj Diouf, or any such "foreigner" plying his trade in the EPL. We all know the difference between an Eduardo dive, a Ronaldo dive, and a Wayne Rooney dive. But maybe not. After all, Rooney has never, and will never dive.

All in all, looking at things from a pure footballing perspective, it would not be totally insane to see this past weekend as a real turning point in the season. In the space of half an hour, our season could have ended just as it did one spring day in Birmingham. But it didn't. The character that had been missing in games such as Man U at the Emirates suddenly re-emerged when it was needed most. I'm sure the players feel it, and I'm sure the fans feel it too. This could really be it, and even if we narrowly miss out in the end, if we put a good run in, it can only do wonders for our confidence. Both players and fans.

In the meantime, fingers crossed for the mindless internationals coming up. We have Burnley coming up. Let's take care of that, and see to improving on our goal difference too.