Thursday, August 12, 2010

Dispatches from the Edge

At last. Internet access. Reliable internet access. I've been away from this for two weeks, trekking in the remotest regions of England, at times, cut off from the all news related to football, the Premier League, even Arsenal.

Alas, I come back, two weeks later. And what? Still no goalkeeper. Nothing in the form of worthy transfer gossip. Zip. Three days to go to Liverpool, and all we have to talk about is Cesc coming in to London for his photo shoot, Wenger saying he will be short for the first game of the season, and him flying off again to Mexico for one of many meaningless mid-week international friendlies. It's completely f-ed up, pardon me. All the talk about him having a post-World Cup break, needing a rest, and then he flies off half-way round the world for an international friendly. Anyway.

Oh yes, there was the matter of his little statement on Barca and all that.

The way I read it, it sucks. Way sucks, and can only be seen as a precursor to an inevitable departure next summer. I mean, let's look at this systematically.

"Firstly I would like to apologise to all the Arsenal fans for not speaking sooner about my future but I have not known what I was going to do until this moment."

What? Screw me. He didn't know what he was going to do till now? Well, looks like Puyol and Co. were spot on then. Ah well. Now we know right?

"I cannot deny that joining a club like Barcelona was not an attractive move for me. This was the club where I learnt my football, it is my home town where my friends and family are and a club where I have always dreamed of playing. There are not many players in this world who would not want to play for Barcelona."

Not sure about you, but methinks the double negative was used wrongly in the first sentence. Gotta feel sorry for Arsenal's Spanish translators.

"I have had many conversations with Arsène Wenger both in person and over the phone over the last few months and although the content of those conversations will remain private, the conclusion is that Barcelona have had two formal offers rejected by Arsenal."

Two formal offers? Well, I only thought there was one. Indeed then, one wonders why it wasn't taken. Probably not nearly high enough, damn bankrupt cheapskates.

"I am a professional and I fully understand that it is Arsenal's prerogative not to sell me."

Still no mention of him actually wanting to stay. It's just the club's prerogative. No mention to of his being club captain.

"I owe a lot to the Club, manager and the fans and I will respect their decision and will now concentrate on the new season ahead with Arsenal."

See? It was the club's decision that he stay. Not his. No thanks dude. Makes me feel really happy now.

"I can assure all the fans that now the negotiations have ended I will be 100 percent focused on playing for Arsenal."

The "negotiations" finished long long ago. But you only came out now? Yes, yes. Your last sentence keeping your Barca option way open really reassures me. Thanks.

"I am an Arsenal player and as soon as I step out on to the pitch, that is the only club I will be thinking about."

Uh huh. How about when you step off it, in between games, at half time, when your team needs a right kick up the arse. Where will your head be?

"I am looking forward to the start of the season and putting this speculation behind me."

Thanks, and may this be the last season Arse fans have to be put through this demeaningful, shameful exercise in literally making us beg. I mean, let's face it. What would you prefer: finish fourth, and have our pride intact, or third and be stepped all over by Barca, our captain...

Whatever the case, let's be clear: Cesc himself ain't ever going to be the defining condition to us winning the league or not. So why put ourselves through this?

Wonder if the club shop could do up some statistics in Excel - just totting up how many new #4 Cesc shirts they've sold so far. That should be interesting. (Which reminds me, I've got meself a RVP #10 one - that should last me longer than the other).

Final point then: it seems this has all become a strict, professional, commerical exchange: Cesc sitting put for one more year of his contract only because we are loath to sell. So let's take it from there. We pay you good money, you put in the performances. No love given, none lost. Come next summer, we get good money, and take the team forward. RVP for Captain.

With nothing to report on transfers, all sorts of depressing news with Cesc, I suppose the only things I can add relate to the Arsewiper's recent tour of the Emirates a few days ago. Mighty fun that was. Photos forthcoming, but let's just say that heading into the changing room, walking through the players tunnel into the dugouts...that's was really sweet.

Got some good news too. The Arsewiper will be reporting from Anfield on Sunday. Yessiree, we got our tickets. Can't wait. And then Old Trafford on Monday. At last, the season has begun.

Cheerio. Not sure if anything's going to happen in the next two days. Mark Schwarzer running away from home perhaps?

No comments: