Review: Arsenal 3 - Chelsea 1

The.

Damn.

Monkey.

Is.

Dead.

That damn monkey that had clung to our backs all these years. Torturing us with his fingers in our ears, laughing that haughty laugh, and refusing to ever let go. Well, now he's dead. Well and truly eradicated. Euthanised in the most horrific and graphic manner.

What a beautiful day.

The way the game started though, it provided for a not-so-healthy dose of nervous energy and fear that we might just be stepping into yet another obvious Chelski trap, i.e.:

We start well, full of energy, first to most balls, decent passing, all the works, save for a meaningful shot on goal. Chelski sitting back, possibly waiting for the right moment to capitalise on their one chance. Just as the fear began to deepen, and just as I began hoping for us to get into half-time at 0-0, we eventually step it up a further gear.

1-0 Song, and nothing more than what we deserved. Great goal from Song, who never got distracted by what was a blatant foul on Cesc and obvious penalty. Sweet finish, and we're still wondering whether he's meant to be a defensive midfielder.

From then, it's half time, and we start the second like a house of fire. 7-8 minutes on, and it's 3-0. Basically from shockingly abject play by Chelski in their midfield, who had their pockets picked by Theo, RVP and Cesc. It's nice once in a while to see us humiliate them. Theo nearly flubbed his lines on the second goal, but had a thumpingly convincing finish for our third.

Arsenal, though, never really do things the easy way, and what better way to get us on the edge of our seats for the final half hour (what a bloody long half hour!) than to let in our requisite goal. Rather silly, to say the least, and the only blot in a generally decent defensive display all round. I blame Koscielny for that one.

Plaudits then. First to Wenger, for choosing Walcott over Arshavin. Theo was never at his best, but even then, did more than what we've seen from the Russian in a long long time. Kept Arsely Hole honest on the left flank too, I must say.

To RVP as well. Also not at this best, but did enough all round to cause the Chelsea defence.

And Djourou. Put in obviously to deal with the physicality of the Drogba threat, and did it superbly. The frog's obviously not at his best, but any time he plays and does not score is good enough for me.

While we bask in the glory of victory today though - and look forward to more footie in the evening - let us not forget that this would mean nothing without another similarly dedicated display tomorrow at Wigan. And in this, I'm pretty confident.

First, Rosicky, Arshavin, Chamakh, Eboue, Diaby, Squillaci should all be nice and rested, and should put in enough to put it to bed. We will have a degree of revenge to exact, given what happened last season, so let's see.

Second, Djourou looks good for another run out, but we'll have to see which of him or Koscielny needs the rest more.

Third, Fabianski had a good game confidence wise. Nothing really much to do save pick the ball out of the net with Chelski's one shot on target, so he'll be up for a proper test, if it comes.

So at 2000 hrs GMT today, I'll be a Birmingham fan. Come on!

Now let me bask for another 24 hours.

Nobody Ever Wins Before a Match...

It's Christmas Eve. Time to get it over with, and back to the good ole crunch of English football between now and the New Year.

This post, though, goes out to a good friend who's leaving the shores nearest to me right now.

In so doing, he reminded me of something about football, and its beauty, that nobody ever wins a match before it starts; and that by extension, we can all revel in the glory of optimism and being a fan before the cold reality of kick-off and 90 minutes.

He's basically right. But I'd say only 99% right.

Yes, that feeling you get before kick-off can't be beat. You're on top of the world, nervous, twitchy, whatever. It just feels pretty good. You've probably waited a whole week, and it's probably been building for a long long time. Your damn team may still lose, you may then go through 90 minutes, plus another week of depressive hell before getting that little feeling in your stomach again before the next kick-off. We're mad, but we do it.

So that's 99% of the time.

The 1%? Well, if you're an Arsenal fan, you're pretty much familiar with it these days.

It comes before a game with Chelski or Man U (or even Barca, bloody hell). You basically know what's going to happen. You don't really get that feeling anymore. (NB: I was a nervous wreck before the Partizan game, but went into the subsequent Man U game with a half-rueful, half-resigned smile). You're more hope than nerves, and that ain't good.

Maybe that's exactly what happens when our 11 take to the pitch too. They go in with that "ah, shit, we know what's gonna happen" look in their eyes, and thoughts in their heads. That's what our Captain Cesc knows, and probably what the boss knows as well.

They have one last chance to make it right on Monday. It's our first home game against the likes of Man U, Chelski, Manciti and even Liverpool and Villa this season. We've already choked and died against the lesser lights of West Brom and Newcastle. Flub our lines again...

Anyway. We can only hope. We don't get paid the wages they do. So they should bloody well go out there and take care of the business.

But I'm not getting that nervous feeling though...

A Preview Preview

It's only Thursday. The game's on Monday. And I'm struggling to find anything useful to say on the football front. So why not do a preview preview?

We've now played 17. Lost 5 already. And for those who've forgotten: it's Chelski, West Brom, Newcastle, Spurs and Man U. Funny thing. Draw those three stupid games at home - in themselves already bad results - and we'd be top of the table right now.

So the picture's crystal clear. No matter what else happens with Man U, we either win Monday or we can forget about the league. Having already lost 5, there is no way we're going to get anywhere without some kind of amazing run of games. And it will have to start with a win against Chelski.

In terms of our starting line-up, apart from Vinyl Vermaelen, we basically have our starting 14-15 ready and raring to go. No excuses, nothing. Will Cesc finally stand up? Will Arshavin finally put in an honest day's work? And will Nasri shrug off Man U as a one-off?

Honestly, who knows? I surely don't. We can only hope, and that really is all we can do. Sadly. Just as sad that as fans, we're left also hoping that Chelski continue with their indifferent form, rather than focusing on what a good day's work our own players can put in. They've had two weeks to sit on their hands and think about it, so let's see.

Elsewhere, Mario Ballotelli (who?) has won some award, and in so doing has taken a "I don't know who Jack Wilshere is" dig. Jack has said he doesn't care, and Cesc has his two-pennies worth in response. But honestly. Does anyone really care what a Mario Ballotelli has to say?

Crikey. For one, not many over at Eastlands can really be proud of what their team's like right now, and two, Ballotelli's probably bottom of the pile too, so puh-leeze. Nobody cares. Except for the British tabloid press, hungry for something to chew on other than heroic Heathrow.

On the subject of Vinyl Vermaelen, we're basically at crunch point with the Belgian. He's training again, and if it cocks up again, it's probably out for the season. Wenger:

"Thomas has been out for a long time and we are hopeful he will come back in January. He's had a few setbacks and the decider on whether he plays a part this season is now because he is practising again."

Hopefully, if he does tweak his achilles again stepping on an acorn, it will also prove to be the decider on whether we actually bring in another defender in January. Fingers crossed. Everybody - don't go near the man, and keep an eye out where he steps.

Funny thing when Wenger was looking ahead to the Chelski game. Spoke about Drogba, and this is what he said:

"He is a player I like and rate highly. You are not especially pleased he is back against you, but on the other hand we play Chelsea with their real strengths and if we beat them, it will have even more value."

Actually, if I may say so, sir. I'd rather us not play Drogba, rather us play a shit Chelski, playing like shit, than play Chelsea "with their real strengths". What "more value"? We get 4 points? Sunderland played marvellous just as Chelski were crap that evening at Stamford Bridge. 3-0. What I'd give for that same Chelski on Monday. Not the Chelski and Drogba who have basically disappeared since they beat us at the Bridge.

Knowing them though - they'll find the perfect time to wake up and win a game, finally. Prizes for guessing when?

How to Win the Champions League

I was just thinking about this the other day, as a distraction from the weather.

The one key ingredient to having any sniff of a chance in the Champions League, and especially in the knock-out rounds, is defending. Obvious, you would say. But not just any sort of defending - the sort of defending that makes your home your fortress, that makes your defence the stuff of legends. Keep a clean sheet at home, and you're more than half-way through a job well done.

So I cast my mind back to our run to the final in 2006. My, was that a thing of beauty. How many goals did we conceded enroute to the final? Two. Yes. Two. In twelve games. And what did that entail? A record 10 successive clean sheets too.

Thinking about it now makes my head ache. We're through the group stages, and we've aready let in two to the bottomest of bottom teams - Partizan Belgrade - who couldn't score squat against any other team. The nett result of conceding stupid goals against Shakhtar and Braga? A date with Barca.

Just thinking about it - and the clean sheets we kept against Madrid (twice), Juve (twice) and Villareal (twice) - and you start getting the shivers when you consider coming up against Barca again. How the world has changed. We entertained Madrid at home, travelled to Turin, and went to Villareal knowing that a clean sheet would put us through, and that was exactly what we did on all three occasions.

Of course, it's not just a case of our defenders - but the entire balance of the team.

Ah, but I'm flogging dead horses here, so I'll just stop. You get the drift.

OK elsewhere: First, Denilson on the way out? Reports here and there about him going to Wolfsburg or even Barca. Ha ha. That'd be a good one. Can't afford the 2010 Model X2, v. 2.2, settle for the 2008 No-Frills model. Shit. You could still take Cesc, you know? What? Not enough dinero from your new shirt deals??

Second, looks like ole Jack Wilshere's got himself the real makings of an All-England hero now. You know what I blame? All these British teenagers drinking too much, behaving like louts, getting pregnant at 13? I blame the damn weather. Stupid weather. 2 inches of snow, and the entire country goes chaotic for the rest of the year...

That's why Barca's so good. No snow there.

Does this not make you just a little sick?

Comments are out there from our captain - something to the effect that we're "scared of losing" against the bigger guns. Basically, that we choke when it matters. Read all the various reports on his remarks, and no matter how you see it, it dawns on you quite quickly that he's hit the nail on the head.

But that really doesn't quit convey the entire nauseating feeling that I have right now. And you know why? Here's why.

For those of us who remember, all those lovely (not-so-recent) victories over the likes of Chelski and Man U:

Arsenal 1 - 0 Chelski (16 Dec 2007)

Arsenal 2 - 1 Man U (16 Nov 2008)

Arsenal 2 - 1 Man U (21 Jan 2007)

Even that 2-2 draw at home with Man U, when Gallas scored the last-gasp equaliser.

Despite these fixtures all being firmly part of the past, and for now, consigned to fantasy in the future, you know what they have in common?

Yup - you guessed it. All fixtures from the pre-Fabregas Captaincy days. Let's say, it was the Before-Cesc (BC) period. Better than talk about the lack of bollocks from the current team, let's start comparing statistics with the BC days.

It's probably a tad stark to put everything on the shoulders of the man/boy, but hey - that's what being captain is about, and that's what happens when you spend your summer flirting in warmer climes. So when Fabregas starts talking in the collective "we", there are just a few out there (including me) who would prefer that he start with the Man in the Mirror. (By the way, the Man in the Mirror looked decidedly the most scared at Old Trafford last week).

As I've said in previous posts, let's just take this season, as with more recent seasons, as part of a rather lengthy transition, a flirtation with a vaguely presumptive period of glorious youth. This is the tail-end of that transition, thankfully, with recent purchases giving some hint: Vermaelen, Koscielny, Squillaci, etc.

By July, with Fabregas gone, someone else will have to take up the arm-band, the balance will shift once more, and hopefully then - it shifts yet more in the direction of strength, confidence and constructive aggression. For now, this final transition year may just bring us the Carling Cup.

For that, I give thanks.

In the meantime, it's 7 more days to football.

But damn. It's Chelski.

Do I smell fear?

You Get What You Get What You Get

In our case, we get Barca. Probably the team out there which needs a cheat sheet the least.

Anyhows, no point getting all philosophical about it, or getting all downbeat, or even getting all excited. It's still 180 minutes of football, and so long as we don't get whipped like Real, I'm happy. I mean - let's get serious here.

We're in the Carling Cup semi-finals against Ipswich Town, and who can tell me the Champions League is more important than the Carling huh? Huh? Huh? Who? The Carling Cup's the most friggin' sought-after trophy out there, and by the time we play Barca at home, we could jolly well be Carling Cup Champions of the World. I'll be happy.

Anyway, it's Saturday today - and we're supposed to be looking forward to some football.

But no. The snow has brought life to a standstill in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. What's funniest is that most of the pitches are actually playable, but given how you don't want poor ole spectators trudging through the snow and feeling a bit cold on the stands, the decision was made to call of a couple of games for safety reasons.

Now. Correct me. When we had that little snow episode across Europe a couple of weeks ago, I did happen to watch a couple of Europa League games, and my word: you had people running around while the snow fell, pitches more white than green, lines barely visible and game spectators taking it all in. But that's Europe I suppose. Where the folks of Stuttgart and Berne probably take their "safety" a little bit less seriously than them tea-sippers in the UK.

So it's another 9 days till football again. Just brilliant.

In the meantime, we have news that Ryo Miyaichi will join us in January. Exactly what we need, I tell you. Some Japanese dude straight out of Street Fighter. Xavi, Iniesta, Puyol, Pique, all you SOBs, lock up your kids, he's comin' to get you!

Funny how things turn out eh - one moment he's playing in some Japanese High School tournament, and the next thing you know, he joins up with Arsenal after.

Arsenal Cheat Sheet

Found: an email circulating around the likes of Man U, Chelski, West Brom, Newcastle, Braga and Shakhtar.

Basically, it goes like this.

HOW TO BEAT ARSENAL F.C.

1. You'll score at least one. You can be pretty sure of that, no matter how crap your attack is.

2. Key then, is to defend. Really quite simple.

3. Stick four at the back, two as cover, and have your attacking midfielders run around like the blazes.

4. Give Arsene Wenger a couple of plastic water bottles. The minute he chucks one, you know you're on track. Keep up whatever you're doing.

5. Watch either of: Nasri, Rosicky, Chamakh or Arshavin. You'll never get all four playing well at the same time. After about 15 minutes, you'll know who not to waste your time on. Start with Arshavin. That usually takes care of itself.

6. Get them from minutes 30-60. Try your luck. Around then, they'll give you one even if you didn't really ask.

7. Defend your boxes well. They'll never score from outside the box. Haven't done so this season, probably won't do soon any time soon.

Finally:

8. Give Wenger a good reason. The pitch, barometric pressure, parking around Old Trafford, lousy hotdogs, a dreary gift shop, whatever. He usually likes them pretty much. (Note: logic doesn't really matter. Take the pitch thing. Old Trafford: crap, so they lose. Emirates: brilliant: they still lose often enough).

Hope the email never got round to Tony Pubis and Stoke.

Hey. You know what? If results go our way this weekend, we could still go back on top. What larks then eh? All will be well again.

Bloody naif I am.

Review: Manchester United 1 - Arsenal 0

That same ole sinking feeling.

That we just ain't nearly good enough. Done in by sheer immaturity in our last grudge match against Chelski, done in this time by a simply insipid performance all round.

And you know what? What was the most damning, the most frustrating, the most unsurprising insipid performance? Cesc Fabregas. Brought on the change the game, take on the captain's arm band, and compared to the 18 year-old he replaced, looked a lacklustre copy of a Barca wannabe. More than 20 minutes to make a difference, and I struggle to remember a time when he even came never the opposing box. Nary a telling pass, with them all going sideways. What the hell Wenger was doing calling upon him again, I do not know.

Another shocker: a limp performance from Arshavin. So surprise, surprise, we failed to deliver anything worthy of Carling Cup semi-finalists in the final third. This was Partizan Belgrade redux, except this time, we did have a top notch defence to deal with.

Nasri? Well, the boy is human. Not a bad performance, and struggled at least to make a difference.

Elsewhere, Szczesny did put on a pretty decent performance. Nothing he could've done about the goal, and save a couple of dodgy clearances, showed himself worthy of a couple of games.

All in all, we do find ourselves in a mental funk.

The league's best away record, up against the league's best home record. And guess what, our fragile spines were the ones to give way.

Dammit. It hurts.

So we've lost five now. Versus Man U's zero. Are we going to be champions? No sir. Man U could probably still afford to go on a rampaging losing streak, and they'd still have room to spare. Scary thing is, they haven't been THAT good, and still, teams like ours have not been able to beat them.

I mean - they had Wayne Rooney, the lousiest, sulkiest, most divisive piece of penalty-missing crap in the league, and still, we could not beat them. Sir Alex must've figured he needed some good charitable karma in leaving Berbatov on the bench, so thanks for that.

Groundhog Day it is. Losing to the top teams again. Ah well.

At least we've got the Carling Cup to look forward to. In the meantime, here's a note to the boss:

1. For fuck's sakes. Once and for all. Leave Cesc out of the squad. He's not been fit, he's not had his head on, he's not been at it since August. Bringing him back unfit, well, that really just screws things up. Give me Wilshere any day of the week.

2. Arshavin. I dunno really. Theo had a weak game too. But I suppose he's the lesser evil. Give the Russian some time on the bench. That'll keep the rabid English nationalists something to crow about too.

3. Brains. The team needs a collective lobotomy. We just need to get that yucky piece of mediocrity out of our system.

For once in a long long time, I actually thought we had a good chance of beating Man U. Bloody naif I am. What was I thinking?

Review: Arsenal 3 - Nazitrap Egardleb 1

I was nervous before kick-off, petrified when it started, and downright morose when I began witnessing the first 20 or so minutes of our so-called do-or-die match up.

It was abject. Lethargic. And I was struggling to see how a team with zero points, 1 goal and nothing to play for other than pride seemed to be just that tad more into the game than the Arsenal at home. Maybe it was how the team was set up. Maybe it was having RVP roaming around the flanks or behind Chamakh to no great consequence. Maybe it was Arshavin having a horrid game, or Gibbs once again showing us that he's of that made-of-candy floss ilk. Whatever.

Then it happened. A gift. We needed it, and thank god for our partisan friends. Silly penalty to give away, and RVP smashes home the penalty. No way did we deserve a lead at half time, but hey, I'll take it.

Second half, and we reach the bewitching minutes. Those from around 50-55. Remember Spurs? Villa? Anyways, first try, and goal. To Partizan. They who've scored zilch in their four other games with Braga and Shakhtar. As I said...we were always going to be charitable. We were charitable in Belgrade, so why not here. The only two goals the Serbs have scored this season in Europe, and we were the kind beneficiaries.

I mean, we've let in two goals from Partizan. Both from a guy who calls himself Cleo, for chrissakes! Oooooooo..."Cleo" scored, did he??

1-1. Nice. At this point, it's still 0-0 in the Shakhtar-Braga game, and the commentators are all doom and gloom about how a goal in either tie in the wrong direction would just kill us off. It's also at this point that I begin praying for a Shakhtar, coz there was no way I could see us getting one with the same dudes on the pitch.

So thank god for the substitution. Arshavin has been alternating between sublime and ridiculous, so good thing the boss took him off early. Walcott on, and already that slight difference.

And what a goal. Nifty volley, and thank god for the boy. A couple of minutes later, and Nasri wraps it up. Wonder goal too, complete with a dizzy shimmy before smashing it in with his left foot.

At this point, it's all well in the kingdom, and we really start thinking of the Real-Barca-Bayern-Schalke formula. I tell you. I have a feeling. It's gonna be...Schalke.

Anyways, the press is going to go all crazy about our defence as usual. Yes. Don't have to be a genius there. About drawing the big teams. Yes, all our fault. But hey. We played crap for about 80 minutes, and showed that with just a good 10-minute spell, we were good enough for the tie. So who knows. If we keep it to just letting in 1 or 2 to Barca during a crap spell, we may just have a chance.

Next up. Man U on Monday. Yum. For once, it being away has given me a nice warm feeling in me belly. This could just be it. A win at Old Trafford. I can just see it. Man U crambling under their own pressure at home, admitting to the inevitability of a first league defeat, and us revelling in the pressure-less environment away from the Emirates.

So let's just go do it.

Sneak Peak

Sitting on my hands, fearing the worst for tonight's game, and you know, what better way to get over it than to just look ahead.

First, it's become rather simple. If we get through, and barring any freak result in the Shakhtar-Donetsk tie, we'll finish 2nd and we'll have only four possible teams to choose from: Schalke, Barca, Real Madrid and Bayern.

I'm rather non-plussed. If it's Barca, fine. If you look at all the second places teams, and the obvious weaknesses there, we can only screw and blame ourselves for not finishing top of the group. We're going to have to face Barca at some point, so why not now.

As for the others. No biggie. Toss-ups wth Bayern and Madrid, and Schalke should be the plum tie.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. We may just be looking ahead to a Europa League draw as well, so I'd better just stop here.

As we sit on top of the league with that rather Nasri-licious victory over Fulham, there's been much talk about whether we deserve to be there, whether we will be there, and ultimately, about our defence. No defence is possible as it relates to our entire defensive mentality, so it's one big mea culpa. It's all here in black and white. I'll only say this though: everyone's getting leaky, and what we'll just need to do is tighten up mentally when it matters most. And that's a couple of goals every handful of games. It's as much as matter of mental fragility, and god knows, mental problems are enduring, but easily solved with a good run of games.

If we're going to be be traumatised by that Spurs defeat, by god, we should. Never forget, but move on, we must. (Speaking of fragile, wonder how fragile Madrid is now, actually).

Alright. Ta ta. Partizan'll probably score at least one goal, so let's just hope it comes when we're leading 9-0 with 10 seconds remaining. I think we should be able to get through that. Has anyone seen the current odds though??? 1/12 Arse win, 10/1 for the draw, and 25/1 for a Partizan win.

Huh. Who knows. Good money there for the neutral on a draw!

(Update: after some further thought, I'm now ultra-confident for tonight. For the simple reason: Cesc is out, Nasri and Arshavin will be on fire as a direct consequence, and RVP should be a damn solid starting captain. More on my Cesc Theory later).

IPSWICH!

Would you believe it!

The Arsewiper asked, and the Arsewiper got. Ipswich 1-0 West Brom, and then we get paired with them. Just sweet. With West Ham and Birmingham fighting it out for the next place in the final, you've got to admit it: It's now or never. We've got a taste of the luck of Chelski in the draw, and this is going to be something we realistically should see through. While Ipswich and Roy Keane will no doubt be up for it, over two legs, there should be no excuses if we don't do the deed. It'll be nice watching the Arsenal over at Portman Road. The memories...

Elsewhere, I wonder if Ray Parlour's heard of plagiarism. Sayeth he:

"I do think they need a Tony Adams – a leader at the back."

"I just think is there a centre-half out there like a Tony Adams who can really drive that team on because trust me when I played there and you wasn't doing your job you got told straight away and I think that's what they're missing at the moment."

Goddamit! I said it first. Me! Me! Me! Bloody Einstein. But he does raise something which I forgot:

"I think it's one of these times where if he thinks Vermaelen can do the job give him the skipper's armband and say to him 'these are skipper's we use to have, Tony Adams, Patrick Vieira, who used to drive the team on, can you do that' and see if he can do it."

I was wondering why I forgot Vermaelen. I was thinking and thinking, and then I realised. Oh yeah. Right. No point having a captain who doesn't play and can't play, right? He the man with the mysterious one-day Achilles injury that's taking 6 months to heal. Can't imagine him standing up to Mr Just-give-me-a-painkilling-jab John Terry.

Anyway, Parlour may have been the Romford Pele, but he's still a plagiarist.

In the meantime, Wenger's not going to be signing anyone this January, betting of course, that Vermaelen will be ready to start (a running start, maybe) on 1 January 2011.

Okay. Sure.

I'm Zen Master, let's not forget.

Review: Arsenal 2 - Wigan 0

Abject weather, dismal away team and bloody lousy Carlos Vela contrived to make this something of a tie to forget. Great result though. We're through to the semis, and even better result with West Ham giving Man U that 4-0 hiding. How the world turns. 7-1 one day, and then losing 4-0 to the League's bottom team. And that's with the likes of Giggs, Fletcher, and whasisname Chicharito Dorito in the squad.

So the Carling Cup does open up for us. West Ham, and either Birmingham/Villa and Ipswich/West Brom to choose from. I'm cheering for Ipswich, and there will be those out there who know why. (Clue: move your eyes slightly to the right, scroll down...). Arsenal-Ipswich in the semis over two legs will be really quite nice.

But I get ahead of myself. Viewed through the lens of a sputtering stream, the game did look suspiciously slow. Szczesny (I've figured out how to spell it. Just Sz. Then Cz. Then esny. Simple) had little to do, and looked composed enough. Djourou looked half bored but capable of dealing with the little that Wigan without Rodallega could offer. RVP was majestic, and RVP would be forgiven for taking Vela aside after the game and giving the boy's bollocks a good hard squeeze.

I mean - that sublime back heel/flick that put Vela through on goal, only for the boy to shift his weight to his right for his only working foot (the left), and then miss the open goal. So, RVP must be a really really nice chap. Decides to do it all over again a while later, same back heel, same Vela on goal, and this time, just to mix it up, he takes a heavy first touch then just crumples to the ground for effect. Nice.

Leave it to Bent Nick to show him how it's done. Even missing the ball's sometimes a good trick. Jump, attempt a header, miss it on purpose, confuse the defender(s) behind you, let the ball skid off a head for a neat OG. THAT's how you score a goal, Carlos!

So we're 1-0 up at half-time, and it doesn't take too long for a second. Bent Nick again. This time from a Vela assist. Methinks he does better when there's no goal to aim at. 2-0, and really, that was that. Given how dismal Wigan were on the night, I could safely say my heart went nowhere near what I went through with Villa.

Any other notables on the night? Yeah. Theo needs more games. Having Theo, Vela, RVP and Vela on the pitch at the same time just seems a tad odd and Djourou/Koscielny actually looks a good pairing.

Bring on Fulham, I say again. But if I may reply to a point made by Arsewiping Reader Kumar. God knows nobody's counting any chickens. One thing I did in my couple of weeks away from this was turn myself into an Arsenal Zen Master. Might we lose or cock up against Fulham? Sure. Why not? Might we turn in a good performance and get them good and proper? Sure. Why not too?

Which reminds me. I was thinking about our European prospects while smiling over our capitulation in Braga. You know, it really isn't so bad to go out of Europe (or at least the Champions League) at this stage. Sure, we only needed 1 point from 3 games to go through, and if we cock it up again against Partizan, then it might be the single-most embarrassing run of games in our recent history.

BUT.

Think about it. We do get to then play in the Europa League man - and god knows, our prospects there are tons better than in the knock-out stages of the Champions League. What good is there in finishing second in our group, getting paired with Barca or Real, getting beaten in the round of 16 and then congratulating ourselves?

Hell, I'd rather us get to the Europa League, and win the damn thing.

So whatever happens in a week's time, I'm good.

Zen Master.

Final word today on El Clasico. What a lousy let down. Shit. Even we did not get as embarrassed. We lost 4-1, and even scored first man! And the special one? Claims they weren't humiliated. Don't know about you all, but that's a freakin' humiliation in my book!

Jose, Jose, Jose. In certain languages, there are sayings that might describe your predicament. Sayings that would describe certain parts of your anatomy getting stuffed in your mouth, thus preventing you from saying just about anything. That should be it.

My favourite part of the game, actually, was this:



Funnee. Funnier was that stupid Victor Valdez running up to get all rough and at-it, like someone had insulted his mother/sister. Self-important bozo. Sounds familiar, that...

Anyway, it would actually be nice to draw Real Madrid should we get through. More handbags with Arsene then eh?

Ciao then. Let's see who gets through from tonight's other quarters.

Oh. Sorry. Lest I forget. Cute little interview with Fabianski right here. Wonder why people still refer to Almunia's elbow injury as an elbow injury. It's not. It's an "elbow injury", just like a "virus". Like getting a call from your boss, and he says: "Don't come in tomorrow, or the day after. You've got a virus. And after that, you'll get an elbow injury."