Why I Hate England

Yes, I do. But first...

Sure as the sun rises, Diaby and RVP limp back from their internationals (Diaby didn't even play!!) with injuries. I tell you - we gotta find a term for a footballing lemon. There isn't a more irritating feeling. It's like getting a really good car, but somehow, every now and then, some stupid problem crops up to just irritate the hell out of you. Could be a small problem, could be a major problem, doesn't matter. It's just irritating.

If it was a really crap player/car, then at least it wouldn't be as irritating. We'd just stick him back in the box and ship it back. (i.e. whatsisname Amaury Fishy-Fish Shop). No, it has to be people who would normally command a first-team slot. Like Diaby, like Rosicky. And...I hate to say this, like RVP.

Oh well, can't say we didn't expect it. My money's on Le Boss buying another couple of lemons ni the summer. Fingers crossed, but looks like Arshavin's even able to play through a foot split in half, so let's just make sure we don't burn out his lungs.

Now - why I hate England. I hate England because I used to absolutely love them. Yes, I was 10. 1982 - my first real World Cup, and who could forget that England team of real men, real characters, real players. That first game against France of all people - and of course, crunch time comes the crunch players: Bryan Robson scores the fastest goal in World Cup history. Who in the England team would you call a crunch player now? Stevie G? Nope. Sorry. Only works in Liverpool Red. The rest of them, I have to say, are just showy whiney dweebs (David James, Arseley Hole, Rio F) or brainless buffoons (Frank Lampard, Wayne Rooney)...you get the drift. (BTW, John Terry falls into both categories).

Compare that to the 82 team that started against France in the first group game, and whipped them 3-1:

Peter Shilton, Mick Mills, Kevin Sansom, Phil Thomson, Terry Butcher, Graham Rix, Bryan Robson, Ray Wilkins, Steve Coppell, Trevor Francis, Paul Mariner

Man oh man. You see? This was team that slapped Michel Platini well and good in that French team. Now? What do we have, Platini making himself a pain in UEFA, and nobody can do anything about it.

Even four years on, we still had the likes of Shilton, Gary Stevens, Sansom, Butcher, Hoddle, Trevor Steven, Beardsley, Lineker...

Now, it's just who?

Emile Heskey. Aaron Lennon. Yay.
Glen Johnson. Joleon Lescott. Makes your loins twitch.

So I hate England. Because they can't handle the flak from their own local tabloids too. Hey, deal with it, is what I say. If you're crap, they'll tell you you're really crap. If your fans fly 5,000 miles to watch an away qualifier and boo, jolly well they've got the right to do so. They've got to find their way back, get back to a depressing job and mope while international week plays out. You? You've got a £80,000 a week wage to go back to. So deal with it.

So I hate England. Because the only thing we hear from them when they travel has to do with their WAGs.

Since Lineker's retirement, the only good thing to happen to the England team was Theo being born.

Tonight then. My fingers are crossed for Ukraine to make John Terry cry again. Probably won't happen, but that would really be nice. For Lampard AND Terry to cry, now that would make international week worthwhile.

Think I'll go home and put on my Spain jersey from EURO 2008. The one with Cesc on the back. They're the real deal now. Hell, they even spit like real men!