Review: Stoke 1 - Arsenal 3

A massive, massive victory, and it's a damn travesty that there's no Arsenal fan out there who can really go to bed happy tonight. Wenger's already said it, that "I cannot even enjoy the win tonight because it is so sad to see that." It's hard to be an Arsenal fan sometimes, to see not only the injuries that have befallen the likes of Eduardo and now Ramsey, but more than that - the reactions of the other players on the pitch. Vermaelen, Cesc, Bent Nick, just about everybody. The same looks that we had to witness at Birmingham.

As far as the game went then - it was almost surreal when we went behind in less than 10 minutes to yet another Delap throw. Incredible. I suppose in a way, it was a good thing - we got that out of the way as early as possible. With the Delap goal out of the way, we seemed to step up a gear thereafter. The boys all stepped up, and Bent Nick's header from Cesc's cross for the equaliser was a thing of beauty. Apart from Nick, there's absolutely nobody else on the team who can head the ball he way he does, and nobody who gives us that added dimension. The boy's now scored two in two, and you must feel confident that he's coming into form at just the right time.

For the rest of the first half, we take control, as we do for the second half. Stoke up to their usual "physicality" as the commentators so like to describe it, and we increasingly getting out passing together. Things look comfortable, that is, until that tackle. Sure, Shawcross did not go into it with any intent. Sure, he seemed much more remorseful than Martin Taylor ever was. Sure, he cried as he left the pitch, and sure he doesn't have a mean bone in his body. The fact is, however, when you go into a tackle that way, all you need is a spilt-second mis-timing, and you get a badly-broken leg.

Unsurprisingly, the team are shell-shocked. Just how any team can continue after seeing your team-mate's ankle dangling at that sickening angle is beyond me. It all looked like Birmingham all over again, and you had to wonder if we really had it in us. For the next 10 or so minutes, we were indeed at sea. But slowly, you could see that we were making progress, and surely making inroads into Stoke's defence. The penalty we got was perhaps slightly soft, but it was more than deserved. The relief with Cesc's goal, and the celebrations after Vermaelen's third were things of unbridled emotion.

I won't go into the player ratings. It just seems wrong. We had a real team performance today. They all stood up and were counted. This was one time when we could really feel proud to be a fan and supporter.

Elsewhere, the afternoon had started with a marvelous result at the Bridge. Ancelotti v Mancini, and you-know-what got a right spanking. Particularly with the thought that a win would bring us within 3 points, to respond the way we did after going behind was just brilliant.

Things do look good. Chelski and Man U do have a more difficult run-in, and what more, will have to play each other too. You can't but help feel that as much as Manciti are a good bet for 4th, they will quite likely play king-makers as well. They've already blown in wide open with their win. Come April 17th, and they'll first play Man U at home, and then come to the Emirates a week after. Before that, of course - Man U will have to play Pool and Chelski as well. So who knows?

In the meantime, our prayers and thoughts are with Ramsey. We won it for him tonight. Let's just go on and finish the job.

I Liked Alex Manninger

Indeed I did. I'm sitting here watching Juve v Ajax, and can't help wondering to myself: when was the last we had a goalkeeper leave us only for us to regret it? Just about never, really. Not recently anyway. We'd always been pretty good on that front: Lukic, Seaman, Lehmann - we had the best of them, and they moved on or retired at the right times.

But not Manninger. It was unfortunate he never really had a good run in the team the 4-5 years he was at the club, but looking at him right now, I wonder if he would've been a good solid goalkeeper for us right now. I rate him quite highly - much like the Juicy Arse-kaleinens of the world.

Anyway...we have a stirling line up in Almunia, Fabianski, Mannone and Szcecesezeny, so we shouldn't complain.

It's been as interesting a mid-week as Arse-less midweeks can get. Champions League, and it was nice to see Chelski lose. They'll have a 2-1 defeat to chase at home, just like us - and for the neutral, I think ours should be a slightly easier bet. It was kinda heartening to see Fulham beat the UEFA/Europa Cup Champions in Shakhtar Donetsk, which says something about the depth of the Premier League.

Something of more relevance is of course Stoke beating Manciti in the FA Cup, and more importantly, taking 120 minutes to do it. Now let's just hope that (a) they're dead beat on Saturday evening, and (b) they'll take their feet off the pedals with an FA Cup run in mind.

Elsewhere, all sorts of other funny news coming out of Manciti. Our best mate Adebayor has been hit with a FOUR (!) match ban, and this of course comes on top of Paddy's own three-match ban too. Ha. And to think we're the only team so far this season not to have had a red card. Rather poetic, methinks. But dang, this just means Manciti will probably get turned over like a dead rat at lunch-time at the Bridge on Saturday.

On the Arse front then: According to Sagna, destiny's on our side as far as the League is concerned. Asked if we could win it, Sagna figures..."why not? There is destiny and I am sure this is Arsenal's one and I am sure we will celebrate at the end." Hmm. OK. Roger that. Good to know that at least he's confident of some form of celebration in May.

Did anyone that little exchange between the Dutch coach and Arsene? Basically, the same people who thought RVP wasn't really injured thought that he might be able to put on his boots while his ankle was still in plaster in early April, and Arsene basically said *%#!*?! off in the nicest way possible. What is it with the Dutch national team anyway??

Speaking on the walking injured - looks like the Arsh is getting a longer rest than he thought he might get. Wasn't it the man himself who thought he might have been back for the game v Sunderland? Anyhows, he's getting a little longer breather, which might not be a bad thing for him.

More worrying is Billy's injury. I suppose Sol ain't too bad an option for Stoke. We need someone to give that Ricardo Fuller a right fist in the kidneys, so why not Sol? Wonder how the team has been training for the game this weekend. Shouldn't be too difficult. Just get Clichy to stand on the edgeof the penalty box and hurl in those throws straight at Sol and gang. We should get the hang of it after a bit. If not, there's always the option of trodding on Rory Delap's fingers. Otherwise, we are for all intents and purposes "injury-free". This basically means we have 60% available. I'll put some money on an Arse win, but won't at all be surprised if something much more disappointing were to transpire.

A Rather Late Arsewipe

So yes, I'm late. Yes, I did not watch the game. Yes, all I got was the extended highlights on MOTD, and yes, watched it a few more other times online.

So what did I think? (a) a routine win is always good; (b) goals from Bent Nick are always welcome; (c) it's always good to see the likes of Eboue, Ramsey and Walcott putting in a good day's work; (d) a clean sheet is like the best bloody thing since sliced bread these days; (e) Man U losing is extra appealing; and (f) our 6-1 win against Everton on Day 1 after their performances against Chelski and Man U feels really really good right now.

We've got another week of rest now. Which is great. Since Man U and Chelski will now endeavour to entertain us mid-week: with Man U taking on West Ham at Old Trafford, which should be interesting (I'm going for a 2-1 away win), and Chelski taking on Inter. Mighty nice. The weekend should be interesting too. Chelski take on Manciti at home, which will be interesting only to see if Manciti succeed in snuffing the life out of Chelski. But then again, they were so crap together with Pool on Sunday that you never know if all you'll get is a weak 3-0 capitulation. Since Man U have the extremely important task of taking on Villa in the Carling Cup as well, our game v Stoke takes on even greater significance.

As for our game then. I know we were absolute crap against Chelski and Man U both at home and away. I know we were equally crap at Stoke in the FA Cup. But in my mind, games such as the one we'll have on Saturday are what will make or break us. First, a win - and we'll move above Man U. Second - it's precisely these games that we will need to step up to the plate for. Stoke will be confident enough after their showing against us in the FA Cup. And it's never going to be easy. 3 points, and I'll be super chuffed.

Meanwhile, Bent Nick has some rather intelligent mentions. Apart from realising that he's gonna have to deliver, he's also sharp enough to remember that "last season, United didn't win against any of the big four and they won the league, so it shows anything can happen."

Of course, dear Watson. Anything can happen, and it's all the more frustrating that we've basically shot ourselves in the foot with our four performances against the Big 2. Just two points from the 12, and we'd be ahead of Man U and three behind Chelski. Anyways...

Nothing much else going on. Wonder if Fabianski's going to get that "virus" that's going to rule him out for 8 years...

Breaking News: Fabianski Makes First Public Apology

The Arsewiper has obtained the following transcript of a closed-door apology that Arsenal goalkeeper Lukasz Fabianski has made to his team-mates and a select group of fans. Fabianski made these comments in Arsenal board room today. No cameras were allowed.

***********************

Fabianski: Good morning, and thank you for joining me. Many of you in this room are my friends. Many of you in this room know me. Many of you have cheered for me or you've worked with me or you've supported me.

Now every one of you has good reason to be critical of me. I want to say to each of you, simply and directly, I am deeply sorry for the pathetic, unforgivable and undescribable performance I put against Porto.

I know people want to find out how I could be so pathetic and so lousy. People want to know how I could have done these things to my manager Arsene and to my team-mates. And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say.

Arsene and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my performance. As Arsene pointed out to me, my real apology to him will not come in the form of words; it will come from my performance over time. We have a lot to discuss; however, what we say to each other will remain between the two of us.

I am also aware of the pain my performance has caused to those of you in this room. I have let you down, and I have let down my fans. For many of you, especially my friends, my performance has been a personal disappointment. To those of you who work for me, I have let you down personally and professionally. My performance has caused considerable worry to my sponsors.

But still, I know I have bitterly disappointed all of you. I have made you question who I am and how I could have done the things I did. I am embarrassed that I have put you in this position.

For all that I have done, I am so sorry.

I have a lot to atone for, but there is one issue I really want to discuss. Some people have speculated that Sol somehow accidentally passed the ball back to me. Sol and Arsene only said that to make it easier for me. They did not mean to fabricate it. Sol would never make such a mistake. There has never been such a mistake among the Arsenal back four. Sol has shown enormous grace and poise throughout this ordeal. Sol deserves praise, not blame.

The issue involved here was my repeated lousy performances. I was crap. I had nerves. I fucked it up. What I did is not acceptable, and I am the only person to blame.

I was bad. I was utter below standard. I don't get to play by different rules. The same rules - like picking up the ball - apply to everyone apply to me. I brought this shame on myself. I hurt my team, my coaches, my mother, my family, my friends, my fans, and Junior Gunners all around the world who admired me.

I've had a lot of time to think about what I've done. My failures have made me look at myself in a way I never wanted to before. It's now up to me to make amends, and that starts by never repeating the mistakes I've made. It's up to me to start living a life of at least acceptable goalkeeping standards.

I once heard, and I believe it's true, it's not what you achieve in life that matters; it's what you overcome. Achievements on the football field are the only things that matter. Character and decency are secondary.

Parents used to point to me as a role model for their kids. I owe all those families a special apology. I want to say to them that I am truly sorry.

It's hard to admit that I need help, but I do. For 45 days from the end of December to early February, I was working alone with John Lukic for the issues I'm facing. I have a long way to go. But I've taken my first steps in the right direction.

As I proceed, I understand people have questions. I understand the press wants to ask me for the details and the other times I was crap. I understand people want to know whether Arsene will keep me. Please know that as far as I'm concerned, every one of these questions and answers is a matter between Arsene and me. These are issues between a manager and a player.

I recognize I have brought this on myself, and I know above all I am the one who needs to change. I owe it to my team-mates and fans to become a better goalkeeper. I owe it to those who devote their lives to Arsenal to become a better goalkeeper. That's where my focus will be.

I have a lot of work to do, and I intend to dedicate myself to doing it. Part of following this path for me is Buddhism, which my mother taught me at a young age. People probably don't realize it, but I was raised a Buddhist, and I actively practiced my faith from childhood until I drifted away from it in recent years. Buddhism teaches that a craving for things outside ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security. It teaches me to stop following every impulse and to learn restraint. Obviously I lost track of what I was taught.

As I move forward, I will continue to receive help because I've learned that's how people really do change. Starting tomorrow, I will leave for more training and more therapy. I would like to thank my friends at Arsenal and the players on the field last week for understanding why I'm making these remarks today.

In therapy I've learned the importance of looking at my spiritual life and keeping in balance with my professional life. I need to regain my balance and be centered so I can save the things that are most important to me, my team-mates and my club.

That also means relying on others for help. I've learned to seek support from my peers in therapy, and I hope someday to return that support to others who are seeking help. I do plan to return to football one day, I just don't know when that day will be.

I don't rule out that it will be this year. When I do return, I need to make my performances more appropriate for the level of the game. In recent days I have received many thousands of emails, letters and phone calls from people conveying all sorts of threats. To everyone who has reached out to me and my family, thank you. Your encouragement means the world to Arsene and me.

I want to thank the board, Arsene, and the players for their patience and understanding while I work on my goalkeeping. I look forward to seeing my fellow players on the field.

Finally, there are many people in this room, and there are many people at home who believed in me. Today I want to ask for your help. I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again.

Thank you.

Nightmares

I've had a few in my life. Had a few terrible nights recently too, after that game against Man U, Chelski, and now last night.

Yes, Fabianski must've had an even worse night, but screw it. He's let us down too many times in too few starts. It's not just a case of "not good enough". That would suggest there's some "good" in the "good enough". Pardon my French but it's simply fucked up, and just how Wenger has allowed the goalkeeping situation to remain so fucked up is just beyond me. The whole rant against the decision for the second goal is all just smoke and mirrors. Why smoke and mirrors, one may ask? Well....

“I have complete faith in Fabianski. He has shown that he has talent."


“In some games he has shown that he lacks a little bit of experience as well. For example against Chelsea. But that day he did not make a typical goalkeeper’s mistake."

I suppose the two last night were typical goalkeeper's mistakes.

“So overall, for me, he is a very talented goalkeeper. Don’t forget that one of the greatest keepers ever seen in England was David Seaman. If you watched him at 22 or 23 then he would make some mistakes. It is part of the learning process. I believe Lukasz is a very intelligent goalkeeper so he will have learned from those mistakes.”


Now why do I get this sinking feeling that I'm beginning to associate Wenger with a particular cartoon character? Consider also this, when he spoke of our other world-class goalie:

"Manuel Almunia has a finger injury, and the hand is quite useful for goalkeepers. He had already a twisted finger and he made it worse and I didn’t want to take a gamble on it."

Nah, methinks the hand's over-rated. Fabianski's got two fucked-up hands, and see what we're left with? Almunia with a finger injury, Fabianski with no brain, and Vito Mannone. Oh god, bring back Vito. It really could not get worse, so why not?

As it stands then, Cesc has come out with a naturally honest reaction, calling it a "schoolboy" showing.

"Fahk thees sheet. I can play for Barca, and I don't think Valdes will be doing thees sheet. Even if you take out his eyes, no such sheet. When I was 12 years old, we didn't do thees sheet. So why I stay here and watch thees sheet? For what? For what? For Arsene? Fahk thees sheet, I'm taking the next plane to Barca. This club is for children, I tell you."

If I were him, I'd leave. Unless Wenger spends some serious cash in July, there's no where in hell Cesc will stay for this...

Having watched Milan and Man United on Tuesday, I'm left with just one simple observation:

Man U play like crap away from home in Europe - against reasonably good opponents - and somehow come up with a 3-2 victory. Arsenal play pretty well away from home in Europe - against generally crap opponents - and we somehow come up with a 2-1 loss. That, my friends, is why we get whipped by them when it counts.

In the meantime, let's get ready for Sunderland. Yeah right.

Review: Porto 2 - Arsenal 1

It's probably quite sad that defensively, nothing really surprises me anymore about our team. Given all the missing players in the team, we played as well as we could have expected for the first 50 minutes of the game. That is, of course, minus our goalkeeper.

His first howler was shocking even for something in the depths of the lowest levels of the English league system. But here, in the first minutes of the Champions League, was so pathetic it only reflects on the boss himself, and how he has placed his team in such a position as far as goalkeepers go. A mis-placed cross, nothing spectacular, straight at Fabianski, nothing near the goal, and he bundles it into the goal. So it was shock to the system, and I must say we reacted pretty well, better than I'd expected. The equaliser was more then we deserved, and who else to get it than Sol himself.

After that, and especially after the re-start, we dominated while Porto looked increasingly deflated and outclassed. Then, the piece de resistance. Fabianski had already been guilty of not opening his damn mouth and giving his defenders some degree of confidence. But in this instance, a harmless ball through the middle, Sol gets in front of it, and toe pokes it back to Fabianski with a Porto player lurking. He could've taken two touches and booted it straight out, but proceeds to pick it up. Sad sad sad sign of a goalkeeper who must at that time must have been shivering in his balls.

What happens after that wouldn't even have happened in the kick-abouts with the kiddies. I won't blame Sol. If I were him, I would've spent that key 2 seconds pummeling Fabianski just to get him substituted. But we give yet another goal away to Porto with Sol distraught and Fabianski handing the ball back to Porto. If it wasn't Arse, I'd have died laughing.

After that, with the players totally deflated, asking for a second was probably too much. So we take a 2-1 deficit to the Emirates, and if we do go out then it must be deserved. Sad, but deserved for a team so lacking in any semblance of defensive and goalkeeping quality. (And I say again - for that, I blame Wenger).

I feel especially bad for Sol. Had a great showing all things concerned, and it was unfortunate that he was guilty by association for the second goal.

As for Fabianski, well. We have Almunia. Hurray. Wenger must feel like shit now for slipping Almunia the boarding pass to Timbuktu instead of Oporto. Yes, he's young, but judging from the two goals, he deserves to be nowhere near an Arsenal shirt for the rest of his life.

Let's just do the player ratings - which apart from Fabianski, has to be seen in the light of the overall deflation suffered after the second goal. I also kinda feel sorry for the defenders. It must so suck to have Fabianski behind you. Do I pass it back? Do I boot it out? Why doesn't he say anything? What the F????

Fabianski -2 - Yes, that's right. Negative. Two. Homer Simpson would've had two fewer "d'oh!" moments.

Clichy 5.5 - Again, scarily leaking down the left.

Campbell 7 - My man of the match. Has lost some pace, but his tackling and timing are still impeccable. The Hulk ran into him a few times, and bounced off The Thing.

Vermaelen 6.5 - Not his best. A few dodgy clearances, mis-timed passes.

Sagna 6 - Tried his best, and kept it quiet more or less.

Denilson 5 - Absent as usual.

Diaby 6.5 - Not his best, but had a few good contributions.

Cesc 6.5 - Far from his best, and did nothing to lift the team. We still had lots of time after the second to get something that we deserved, but that would have needed some serious leadership. [NB: How can someone linked with Barca stomach such a dismal goalkeeping performance and stay?]

Nasri 7 - Had some good moments too, but seemed the most affected...

Rosicky 7 - Good showing too, and had a dead-certain penalty turned down.

Bent Nick 7 - Good showing too, and why Wenger replaced him with Vela, only he can know.

Finally, a word on the ref. Yes, he's the idiot who gave the Henry goal away. But this must also count as one of the worst performances I've seen in a long time. Yes, he gave some decisions our way, and some not. But overall, he was just lost. As far as the second Porto goal goes, yes, they were free to take it, but it was probably our fault for thinking that he'd have to pull play back and look to the whistle. If he doesn't have to whistle for the free-kick in the box, then why the different treatment for any other one outside?

Anyways, just for the heck of it, we've decided to shoot ourselves in the foot, and taken the other off for good measure as well. We'll play Porto in 3 weeks without our feet, so let's see whether we can get anything from it. Thank god for Sol Campbell the goal machine.

Don't Make Me Angry...

You won't like me when I'm angry...

So said one Bruce Banner, aka the Incredible Hulk. As we head towards Wednesday and Porto, the one thing to break the boredom of a weekend without Arse is all the news going about concerning Hulk, Porto and why he's just gonna bust our arses. Funny, as how I seem to recall us being linked to a possible signing of the Hulk himself a while back, so I wonder if he's really going to be angry with us that the fictitious deal fell through. Hmmm....I can just see, a meaty tackle from Mohawk Billy, Hulk falls to the ground. The camera zooms in on a prone Hulk. He's covering his face in pain. Then suddenly, he takes his hands off and zoom in further onto his face and those eyes...staring straight at the camera, and greenish-yellow. Martin Tyler then says to Andy Gray: "Andy, did you see that??!! My god, Hulk's..."

Anyhows, cabin fever has no doubt set in.

There's absolutely nothing happening. Even the news of Arsh missing the game is a nearly a week old. Thankfully, nothing else has emerged about Bent Nick hurting his toe during a routine clipping.

I suppose the fun has been elsewhere, as our friends below us in the table attempted to take care of FA Cup business. Shiver me timbers, but it's all turned out really funny. Spurs, Manciti and Villa now all have unnecessary replays to take care of. But all the better. If that's their main chance of silverware this season, then that's the price to pay. And I'm all the happier for it. What a waste of time the FA Cup has become. Here're my suggestions for the FA Cup, if it wants to remain relevant:

(a) Increase the prize money. Equivalent to a Cristiano Ronaldo at the very least.

(b) Get some seeding in play. I don't see the attraction in having a Man United - Chelski 4th round tie. Or Arse beating Liverpool in the 4th round, then losing to Man United in the next.

(c) Guarantee a Champions League place for the winner (ha!).

(d) Get rid of the Carling Cup.

Looking ahead to the game, Porto will of course be somewhat confident going in, but it helps to take a look at their group games. They won all four of their games against a dismal Atletico and a team called Apoel Nicosia. Hmmm. Good for them, and Chelski did manage to do the double, although just narrowly by 1-0 margins on both occasions. Just so long as we get the away goal on Wednesday, I think we should be in relatively good shape. I can see their game place already: get Hulk right in the faces of Cesc, clobber the boy, and run straight into Almunia.

Thankfully, we'll have some relevant football tomorrow evening. Enough of this FA Cup nonsense. This is where the real action's at. AC Milan v Man United, and Lyon v Madrid. Yum. What I'd give to see Becks celebrate a goal by squeezing his crotch at Gary Neville, and getting the finger in return. Ah, I can only wish.

Time for Some Positive Energy

It's been a painful enough week and a bit, so methinks it's about time we took full use of the victory over Pool to inject some positive energy into our arse dealings.

So, it's mid-February. We've already played Pool twice (6 points), Villa twice (4 points), Man U twice (0 points) and of course, Chelski twice (0 points). I would add to that run the two games with Everton (4 points). Given that Everton have already taken 4 points of Chelski, I think this is something we can be relatively proud of. All in all, most of the tougher games are already amazingly out of the way. Sure, we've still got Spurs away, and Manciti at home, but that really is about that. Even better, we've also got that always tricky tie of Burnley at Turf Moor out of the way too, and we know they're a much weaker proposition away.

Put it another way, apart from Spurs and Manciti (and maybe Birmingham), all our remaining games are against teams currently in the bottom half. And this, is some cause for guarded optimism too...

Take away the defeats to the top two, and the only other times we've lost so far are to Sunderland away, and Manciti away. Both are games we should be realistically aiming to reverse in the home fixtures, and gives some clue as to how much tighter we are this season (in the league) in games against the "lesser teams".

So we've got to win all our remaining games. Certainly seems do-able, if we put our foot to the pedal. Stick in a couple of draws (max. 2), and I think it should still be a mightily scary. Of the 12 remaining games, 10 wins and 2 draws = 32 points, and a total of 84 points. And Wenger has said that 83 might just be enough. Go figure.

Since we're really trying to drum up the positive vibes here, let's talk about the Champions League too. Here's how we can win it. First, here're the fixtures:

Milan - Man U
Madrid - Lyon
Bayern - Fiorentina
Arse - Porto
Bordeaux - Olympiakos
Barca - Stuttgart
Sevilla - CSKA
Chelski - Inter

Now, we seem to be getting into a little bit of luck in our run, so let's say Inter nicks the tie with Chelski, and the rest of the ties go to so-called "form". Which means the final 8 will have: Man U,
Madrid, Bayern, Arse, Bordeaux, Barca, Sevilla, Inter. Now, in another stroke of luck, let's have Man U drawn to play Barca (and lose of course!). Arse can get any of Madrid, Bayern, Bordeaux, Sevilla or Inter. No problems, though Bayern/Bordeaux/Sevilla preferred. From there, my good friends, we get a do-able run-in without our English friends and scourges on our existence. I can just see it happening. It will be much fun watching next mid-week.

Back in the real world, the word is that the Arsh will miss the Porto game. I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing at all. It's clear he more than anybody else needs a rest, and why not an enforced rest? If we have both Nasri and Rosicky fit, I think we have (currently) more likely goalscorers in both. He seems okay to be back for Sunderland, so that suits me just fine.

Unlike us, Porto will also have a game this weekend, so we'll hopefully get to Portugal with slightly fresher legs. Maybe Sol should start in Porto as well. God knows Billy deserves a rest. Or Vermaelen, he would played with a right shiner on Wednesday.

That's about it then. It's nice that we've got a break this weekend, while the likes of Chelski, Manciti and Villa see to their cup commitments. Would've been nice if Man U and Pool still had games to play though. But never mind, this is exactly why going out of the damn FA Cup was a blessing in disguise.

Review: Arsenal 1 - Liverpool 0

For the first time, I type these words on my review before the first kick of the game. Just to get it off my chest: even if we lose, I'll still love my Arse. They've gone through a shit period, and I may love Wenger a lot less, if at all, but I still love my Arse. But it's scary, we lose, and Manciti win their two games in hand, and we'll fall behind them. Geez. If ever there's anything to scare the bejeezus out of you. But on to kick off...

Okay. This is now real time, and a real review. We got our 3 points. Chelski lost, Man U struggled to get their one point, and Wolves did the deed on Spurs. How nice. I won't say we're back in the title race, but let's just say that we've kept it at least interesting for the next couple of weeks, and given us some breathing space over 4th place.

As for the game itself. An utterly forgettable, incredibly pathetic, shockingly inept first half performance. If it were not for Pool's own retardedness, I'd have torn my hear off in the shower at half time. I supppose this is what happens to a team that had its pride torn to shreds and buggered over the course of two pathetic capitulations in a week.

What there was plenty of: stray passes, lazy runs.
What there was little of: passion, belief and confidence.

I suppose what was most shocking throughout the 90 minutes was Cesc's performance. This was the time for a Captain to stand up and lead by example, and unfortunately, I could say that together with Arshavin, Cesc was the worst performer on the night. I'm not sure he had even one telling pass to show for. It was all rather sad. But lo and behold, who would be the fiture to stand up and lead by example? Mohawk Billy himself. His tackle on an Ngog straight on goal capped a solid performance all round. I should also note that Bent Nick made a fine account of himself, and unlike a few others, put in a good effort, and put himself about.

Much as the first half sucked, we at least put together a string of passes in the second. No surprise then that our goal involved three of our better performers on the night: Bent Nick, Rosicky (notwithstanding an inconceivably horrific fumble while straight on goal) and Diaby. Enough of that tippy-tappy in front of goal. This was a nice, straight forward cross and header.

All in all, we played crap, Pool were worse and we got our three points. Hopefully, this will be the start of a good confidence-building run. We've got a bit of a rest till Porto, and after that in the league we have Sunderland at home, Stoke away (oops, watch this one!) and Burnley at home. Let's keep it easy, shall we? The other front-runners will have their fair share of tricky ties, so the least we should do is pick up the "easier" 3 points and go from there.

Player ratings:

Almunia 6.5 - Had little to do, save a few punches, and a finger-tip save from Ngog. At last, a clean sheet when it matters.

Eboue 6.5 - Does what Eboue does best. Run, show some effort, even if every now and then, his final ball falls short. But he did well enough both in defence and later in midfield when Sagna came on.

Vermaelen 6.5 - Not his best, but showed some drive at least.

Gallas 7.5 - Thank god for a strong performance in defence. Should've done better from a set piece header early in the first half though. For lack of a captain's performance, stepped in and did it right.

Clichy 6 - Still shaky. If not for Gibbs' being crocked for the next 8 years, he'd surely be on the bench.

Diaby 7 - At times, particularly in defence, showed what his tippy-tappy can do when it works. Great header too.

Song 6.5 - Not bad. Helped keep some defensive shape, but had a few dodgy moments with clumsy tackles.

Cesc 5 - Absent. He was not our captain last night.

Nasri 6.5 - For the short time that he was on, put himself about too. Let's hope his concussion isn't as bad as it sounds.

[Rosicky 6.5 - Ah, but for that ugly miss...]

Arshavin 4 - He's been off it, and looks to need a rest quite badly. But then again, we've got nobody better, right boss?

Bent Nick 6.5 - An encouraging 80-odd minutes. Looks like he's shaping up fine for a return to form.

Final note on Walcott. There was one moment in the 90th minute or something when he found himself alone at the corner flag with a couple of Pool players around him. Had time to spare, and the opportunity to keep the ball in the corner and kill some time, or at least try to win a corner. But what does he do? Whips a mindless ball into the box with nobody there. Of course, the boss goes ballistic as Pool set off on another attack. If that is not a sign of someone totally lacking in confidence, I don't know what is. Totally unacceptable. Poor poor boy.

All in all, a much-needed respite. Let's rest up (esp. Arsh), and let's take care of Porto.

Review: Chelsea 2 - Arsenal 0

Die another day, I'd said, and indeed.

We died. After just 8 minutes. It just shows. It took just 8 minutes. The rest, as they say, was irrelevant. It was largely same ole, same ole, so there really is no point going into any sort of review. Set piece, caught on the counter-attack like a hot knife through butter. Surprise surprise.

The larger question has to be where we go from here. Slide further into oblivion, or pick ourselves up like men and take care of Liverpool on Wednesday?

Judging by this weekend, with Pool taking care of Everton the way they did, I'd say the chances are the men on Wednesday will be Pool, and not us.

Which leads to an ever larger question: where would we go from there? For this, I'd have to say, once and for all, Wenger has to go. In terms of the team he has built up, they may be good enough to struggle for a top 4 place, but we have been tactically buggered by the bigger teams, and from time to time, even by the so-called lesser teams.

He has no doubt brought us some distance from 1995/06, but the time must surely come for anyone to move on. And this would be it. There is no way in hell we will get anywhere in the Champions League, so why not now? Why not this season? I see no change in the way this team plays, and how it should take on a better balance, a stronger tactical nous. We've simply been outplayed tactically, and for that, there is nobody to take any blame that Wenger himself. He might have been able to blame a few individual performances last week, but this time, he has no such luxury. It falls squarely on his shoulders that:

(a) We have no depth in the squad. From goalkeepers, defenders, midfielders and strikers.

(b) Our play, while a thing to behold when it goes well, is sadly one-dimensional. Don't mention Ancelotti or Ferguson. Even the likes of Pulis and Bruce have found ways to deal with that one dimension.

(c) The players now seem lost and lost for ideas and inspiration on the pitch.

Almunia seems incredibly, to be getting worse from game to game. And I'm sure he'll start on Wednesday. Theo is going nowhere fast, and he'll continue to get protected. Arshavin will continue to struggle, and there will be nothing we can do about it. We played at full strength today, and we were made to look like piddling 3rd division wannabes. Chelsea didn't even need to come out of 3rd gear after half an hour.

I only pray that we hold on to the top 4. But then again, revolutions only happen when crisis calls, and that would probably be the crisis that Wenger has been flirting with for the last 3 years.

Let's see.

A Little Ways More to Go...

There're a few interesting things out there which I thought would help fill in the time till Sunday. Let's get started straight off.

Soccernet's got a great piece on one of the real worries in the team. And that, surprise surprise, is Manuel Almunia. Couldn't have said it any better - as far as goalkeepers go, we're up shit creek, lost our paddles, and just found out we've got an almightly leak. Almunia, Fabianski, Mannone, Szcecescescseszny are all really not (to put it courteously) championship-winning quality. Far from it. Yes, Mannone may be someone to watch for in 2018, and Szcecescescseszny in 2021. But we want to win something now, yesterday, not the Carling Cup in 2022.

Read somewhere too that Almunia - even statistically - which is something even Le Boss cannot argue about - is just about the worse goalkeeper there is. He's made the fewest saves. 17 goalkeepers made more saves, and those who made fewer actually played fewer games. Put it another way. We've already let in 28 goals. Let's not even compare that with Man U and Chelski. Those who have done better include: Birmingham (23), Stoke (26), Liverpool (26), Villa (18) and Spurs (25). Most illustrious. Stoke!! Stoke!! Now, don't give me that crap about us scoring more than enough goals to compensate. What's the shit use of scoring 6 against Everton, when we ship 3 each against Chelski and Man U, and 4 against Citeh?

Wanna hear something even weirder? Quick look at the Actim Indexes: early February, and the top defender in the EPL: Vermaelen. No. 4: Gallas. So we've got 2 of the top 4 players in league, and our defence sucks. Go figure.

Well, it's quite simple actually. Just think: (a) Almunia, (b) Clichy/Traore, and (c) Wenger.

I'm sure there's more to write about there, but then I'd just be scraping the bottom. But for lack of anything else to do, there's the new Arsewiping Poll to take, and thanks to those who have already done it - before it was even advertised. Wow! I'm flattered. Leave a comment to suggest someone else I should put on.

Ta ta then.

Die Another Day

That was a Bond movie, no?

But that's just how I feel right now, thanks to Chelski and Hull. It was in the end, a terrific way to spend a Tuesday evening - watching a cracking mid-week game where our interests were clearly at stake, but without the stress and frustration that has come with recent Arse games. Hull played an amazingly competent game, and Chelski looked decidedly unspectacular. They were probably saving themselves for Sunday. It was almost perverse. I celebrated a Hull goal, cheered Stephen Hunt on, found myself impressed with Amr Zaki's energy, and secretly wished we had Boaz Myhill.

Fine. It was quite clearly perverse. Not "almost". But hey, who'd refuse any of the above three a place in the starting line-up against Man U?

So a potential 8-point gap is now "only" 6. Which is funny, since Sunday's game will in effect be the so-called 6-pointer.

Around the news cycles then, is the news of us signing someone...after the transfer deadline...a defender...and a 19-year old to boot. Again, just typical. There must be something, someone, anyone, who's out there, somehow, between the age groups of 18 and 35 whom we could sign.

Unfortunately, this seems to be it in terms of news. Just two more days to the weekend. Man U have got Pompey at home. We have Chelski away. Wonder if at the end of the weekend, Man U will be happiest. I only wish.

A Change of Scenery

Alright then. Enough of the doom and gloom. It's going to be a long long week to Sunday, and we'll have enough time to get even more bitter, sarcastic, caustic and generally pissed off.

Of all the things to make me feel better, provide a little bit of mirth and unadulterated sniggers, what better than to take a peek into the private lives of John Terry, his missus, Wayne Bridge, his ex-WAG, the England team and the Man Citeh team.

I know the tabloid press are going wild on the story, but I suppose I could summarise the situation as such:

Cap'n Fantastic and poor Wayne were once best friends.
Best friends at Chelski.
Even hung around together on holidays.
With the family.

Cap'n Fantastic took a fancy to Wayne's
underwear model French WAG.
Had her twice a week for four months.
Presumably after training.

But if it was after training, where was Wayne?
Never mind.
So Wayne is shattered, Cap'n Fantastic begs for forgiveness.

The England team and the FA are now involved,
wondering what to do with the "Cap'n" bit of Cap'n Fantastic.
Over at Eastlands, bozos are wearing "Team Bridge" shirts.
Wonder how many secretly had wished they'd done the same.

Back to real life then, and you do have to wonder: it's damn hilarious, and a right joke that Cap'n Fantastic did the deed. Must be all the crying that endears him to these chicks as a real sensitive new-age kind of man. So next time, when we have Citeh v Chelski, send them on, I say, and let Wayne sort it out with ole JT. If it were the French, say at...PSG, they'd be wondering what the fuss was all about. Happens all the time, and in the showers and locker rooms, I'll bet.

It's gotten to such comic dimensions that Ancelotti has supposedly appealed to his team for focus. I suppose there must be some degree of concern now, with dudes wondering just what was up when JT had to call in sick during training sessions. Definitely need some focus there. I can just imagine Arsely Hole saying: "That's it, boss. I'm NOT going for any damn away game when the Cap'n ain't in the squad!"

On the other hand, of course, Cap'n Fantastic's after-training exercises could go some way in uniting the locker room too, with good 'ole slaps on the back, and man-to-man handshakes with a tinge of jealousy and congratulations for a job well done. Who knows.

Alrighty. Tonight Chelski will play their game in hand. With or without Cap'n Fantastic? But whatever the case, they win against a dismal Hull, and they'll be 8 clear all over again. Looks like I'll be rooting for Hull tonight. Somehow, that gives me yet another loser-ish feeling which I could do without.

The Cold Light of Day

I had a troubled sleep. Like the kind you get with a fever. I kid you not - I did have dreams of the humiliation, and woke up each time wondering if it was all a dream. Should've taken a cue from a fellow sad Arse and sought solace in a sleeping pill. Wonder what kind of sleep Le Boss had.

Anyways - here's a nice little piece summing up the depths of our humiliation. Some of my favourites, which Le Boss would do well in reading and sucking up for his (continental) breakfast include:

* Arsenal are not at the same level as Chelsea and Manchester United. And that discrepancy is particularly apparent in their head-to-head encounters. In the past 12 months, the Gunners have faced their superiors on eight occasions and have not won once. Total score from those matches: 5-18.

* The running theme in all three goals Arsenal conceded was the culpability of Clichy, Almunia and the appalling Denilson. With neat symmetry, all three were at fault for the third. One of the many differences between the two sides was that, whereas Arsenal had three weak links, Manchester United had none. Every one of their players enhanced their reputation.

Oh well. In the cold light of day, it's obvious we ain't in the same league as Chelski and Man U, have not been for the last 5 years, and will probably remain so until Le Boss gets a clue. So long as we keep above Man City, Pool, Villa and Spurs then. For those of you who have noticed then, I'm gonna keep the photo on top of this blog until Arsene shows that Arsene really knows.

Reactions from the players are also coming in after the game. First, the selfish Arsh:

"It is getting even harder to believe that we can win first place after such defeats."

Selfish Arsh looks to be a genius Arsh too. Such conclusions should ideally be considered before putting on such a dismal performance, not after. Too late for that, Comrade. But come to think of it, why did he say "it's getting even harder"? Was it so hard? If we'd won, would it be so hard?

Second, from the Captain re the coming game v Chelski:

"We have to beat them to stay in the title race."

Erm, yeah. Good point too. Duh. Just try not getting humiliated. I'd take a 1-0 defeat, and would be chuffed at a drab 0-0 draw. Also:

"We have to be positive. It is very easy to say we lost to United and let our heads go down. We have to be strong."

Its the damn supporters and fans who have to be strong I tell you.

Finally, it's the end of the transfer window, and all we have to show for it are: (a) sending off Jack Wilshere, and (b) re-signing Sol Campbell. Shows the ambition of champions, it does. But I suppose this shows the confidence Le Boss has in his current team.

Yeah. Right. Perhaps tomorrow I will be less sarcastic.

Yeah. Right.

Review: Arsenal 1 - Manchester United 3

I suppose the writing had been on the wall. Unfortunately, it looks as if Le Boss was blind to it. For once in a long long time, we could claim to have something of a first team start the game, except for one player upfront. No excuses there.

And Le Boss for once, was honest in his post-match press conference. His comments will be there for all to see, but the two most pertinent would be:

"I believe we had no cohesion defensively or offensively."

and...

"We need something special now to stay in the race, of course. I am conscious of that."

All I can say is: Exactly. Fucking exactly.

As far as the defence is concerned, I don't see why it should come as any surprise. Think Everton, where we really should have been spanked at home as well. Think Stoke in the FA Cup, and think (again at home) where we let in two pathetic goals to a pathetic Bolton. Man U at home, and really, there could not have been any other result as far as the defense was concerned.

Offensively, well - that's another story. Arshavin in the middle is worth shit, and today, his performance was worth less. Had two golden opportunities to make something of his chances within the first 20 minutes, but spurned them. It may have meant nothing in the 4-2 win over Bolton, but his failure to find the final pass really, is not something Arsenal should be associated with. So we'd known as well that offensively, we've been asking for trouble. And finally, trouble has come back and bitten us on the arse. We knew it was coming, and saw the new year and the transfer window as a no-brainer. If only we could claim that "Arsene knows".

Let's have a look at the stats. Arse shots on goal: 20. On target? 3. Man U shots on goal: 12. On target? 3. And their goals? 3. Exactly 3 from their 3 on target. Tells the tale right there, I say.

So Le Boss will claim that we need no reinforcements, and even at the press conference, he stuck to his guns. Well, so be it. Let's just concentrate on at least keeping a decent run for second then, and forget about Chelski.

It's funny. At some point last season, we could claim to have done the deed against some of the top 4. Hell, we beat the Man U at home, and Chelski away. The problem was in seeing to the so-called "lesser" teams. Well, looks like this time round, we've shown just how easily it can be to get turned over by a Man U without Ronaldo…and on this team, without anything like their best starting line-up.

Let's go to the player ratings then, why don't we:

Almunia 4 - The fact that he can continue in goal goes to show how far our ways with spending on quality have come back to screw one over on us. The first goal - let's not get overboard with the Nani plaudits. Almunia palmed it into his own net. And deep into the second half, one stupid kick nearly made it oh so painfully embarrassing.

Sagna 6 - Well, at least there was little that he could have been blamed for.

Gallas 7 - Seemed to be one of the few who at least had his game on. Tried his darnedest going forward, and together with Vermaelen, seemed our greatest hopes for a goal. What a laugh.

Vermaelen 7 - He scored. One effort, one goal. If only we could say the same of a few others.

Clichy 5 - Just how Nani managed to get through him and another for the first goal was again emblematic of the overall lack of commitment of getting into the crunch.

Song 6 - I was kinda glad to have him back, and his quality showed too. But alas, he alone could not mitigate against the overall lack of any sort of defensive cohesion.

Denilson 3 - Oh Denilson. Did he start? Hmmm. Couldn't really tell.

Cesc 6 - By his own standards, horrific, but compared to the rest, well, he was still the only source of any sort of quality.

Rosicky 6.5 - He tried. He really did, and you at least saw him a few times. Which is more than could be said of…

Nasri 5 - Did he start too?

Arsh 2 - This was on the wall too, this performance. Supremely over-confident and selfish on the ball, and prone to laziness off it.

I suppose as conclusion, I can only say that what hurts is the embarrassment. The embarrassment of having the double done over us by a Man U we know is weaker than teams of seasons past. The embarrassment of knowing that as far as starting line-ups go, we had this one for the taking. The embarrassment of knowing that just a week or so ago, we were top of the table, and people were going ape shit over our title prospects. Chelski win their game in hand midweek, and they'll be 8 points clear all over again, and we'd still have them at Stamford Bridge on Sunday. Oh just how quickly 11 points can come, go and come back again.

This has happened all too often. It's nice to be able to write about crushing victories every now and then, but it's just as necessary to write about evenings like these. It helps me sleep that much better. I hope your sleep will be good too, with the knowledge that our season in the league is just about over.

Looking forward, we will have to ask just when Le Boss will stop and get real. At full strength, and at a long stretch, we might just have a team that could challenge for the top. At anything less than that, and we are woefully off the mark. Does Arsene really know? And if he doesn't, will Cesc know? And if he does, where goes our captain next season. It may not be a bad thing for him to leave - for Le Boss may just follow suit, and perhaps only then will our team go through the real revolution in approach that it so badly needs.

Man U had their 3-0 defeat to Fulham. We've had more than that this season. Shall we bounce next week?

Good night then…I shan't even before.