A really really very strange (but still nice) evening it was.
Arsenal, determined not to get out of 2nd gear for about 60-70 minutes of the game;
Shakhtar, determined not to do anything besides pass the ball sideways just outside their box;
Arsenal, probably affected by the sheer abject-ness of it all, struggled to get any real pace into the game; and
Shakhtar, who were so bad and lacking in anything that I thought some shady underworld Asian-Ukrainian betting syndicate might have something to do with it.
I mean, it's totally poetic that our first goal should come from nothing, following zero attempts at goal, and from an absolute howler from the goalie. Don't teams normally score against US like that? Weeeirrd, man.
Totally strange too, that the dude who would score, and then set up the second would be Song. Who was probably on paper, the worst performing player in a red shirt last night. Stray passes, slip ups, even his goal was the result of a deflected, slipped up, stray attempt. Real twilight zone stuff.
It gets better. Even the third, which killed off the game, was another gift-wrapped wonder.
The Shockin' Donutz must've figured that besides their goalie dropping a howler, the next easiest way to give us a goal would be to just haul someone down in the box - after the ref had just warned them not to do it.
I mean, even when we didn't really want to score, we scored. Cue Chamakh. Nice little floated ball over the top from Nasri, one on one with their goalie, and the dude decides...nah...I must be offiside. Let me check. Ooops. I'm not. Ah, I'll just kick it against their keeper. Ooops. It went in.
So that's three out of the five goals. And the sixth? To make it 5-1? Just to make it really really out of this world? Eduardo. With a terrific ball out wide, and a real Eduardo-esque left-footed finish. The stadium cheered, everybody laughed, and all I could say was: Shit. A clean sheet would've been nice.
Thank god then, for Nasri and especially Wilshere's goals. Those were nice, Arsenal goals. On any other night, and against some real Premiership opponents, this would probably have been a 2-2 draw or a West Brom, but hey - we got Shockin' Donutz, and I'm not complaining.
As for the player ratings:
Fabianski 7 - Hey. He even looked pretty confident. Weird eh? And for once, he could laugh at the other dude on the the side of the pitch.
Eboue 7 - Not bad too. Not that he had much to do, actually. But oh well. He did do a good job giving Nasri a piggy-back after his goal.
Squid 6 - Oh you poor damp squib. What kind of attempt was that in dealing with the cross that led to Ed's goal? Did you mean it? That was weak man. Tevez'd kick you in the bollocks if you tried that on Sunday. So much for full concentration for 90 minutes. Even at 5-0.
Djourou 7.5 - An easy night out, had little to deal with, did it well, and "earned" us that penalty. If Koscielny was back, I'd say we go Koscielny-Djourou.
Clichy 7 - Not bad too, but I'm beginning to think it's getting weird having to assess defenders for their work going forward.
Wilshere 8 - Yum. Methinks he's better than Cesc at 18. What say? I think he's got a lower centre of gravity, is probably faster, definitely stronger, just as visionary, and can (probably) tackle.
Song 6.5 - Looked the part tonight. As a bleached bozo the clown. Never really punished for all the stray passes et al. Wake up boy. Manciti won't be as kind.
Cesc 7 - Did as well as anyone could expect him to. He get 0.5 points more for doing that "mama" thing on his shirt after scoring. That got Mrs Arsewiper's attention, and for that, you get your 7/10.
Nasri 8 - My MOTM. He's been immense every time he's on the pitch, and last night was no different. It was almost un-French, how he could run and run and run, and still be creative.
Rosicky 7.5 - A different league from the Arshavin shows we've been seeing. Thought he should start, and he showed why he should on Sunday as well. (NB: Arshavin would eventually come on, and again remind us why Rosicky should start).
Chamakh 7 - The offside look-see was rather dumb. But arrogance can sometimes breed dumb-ness, so I'll half forgive him.
So there we are. Tuesday game, Sunday kick off, and let's hope Manciti gets a harder run out on Thursday. In two weeks' time, it's Shockin' Donutz at home. Just a scrappy, 1-0 win will do. Don't expect them to be so donuty this time.
Elsewhere, I'm just dying to get in Rooneygate. It's even more twilight zonish than anyone could care imagine. More later, but a word now for some friends out there:
Hey. You deserve it. What would you expect from an ugly, fat, bald, in-bred...whatever? You buy a piece of #$!%, you expect it to smell after a while.
But look on the bright side. He's leaving.
Now, Man U can get back to being a vaguely respectable club with (some) class.
Ciao.
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