Stop Yanking My Chain!

For those who have read the Arsewiper through the World Cup, you'd have seen what I thought of Maarten Stekelenburg. Now, THAT would be a goalkeeping statement of intent. Not Schwarzer (still better than nothing), but the real thing.

So, having strummed my pain with their fingers, sung my life with their words, and killed me softly with their song, the tabloid media now puts the icing on the cake with the stoopid story that he's really in the running to come over to the Emirates. Why stoopid? Well, it seems he's available for £4 million. I don't think so.

But I do wonder what kind of conversation RVP would've had with Stekelenburg in South Africa. Along the lines of, shit, we have crap goalkeepers man, just c'mon over. Please, pretty please? But we'll see. Take this with a pound of salt, swallowed in one go. Same with stories about Igor Akinfeev too. C'mon. Just stop yanking my chain man.

Someone else who has been talking was the Arsh. Seems he's been giving Akinfeev the pitch. According to Akinfeev:

"Arsenal and Manchester United are two of the very best clubs in the world. If both of them are going to be looking for keepers this summer - or even the next summer - then of course I am interested.

Yes. We are interested. Now. Deal? Deal!

If only life were so simple. Just like in Monopoly. Anyways, the Arsh's pitch was pretty convincing:

"I have spoken with Arshavin about Arsenal and ­London life. He has only had good things to say about the club and the city. He said some very nice things about me going on to be the best goalkeeper in the world - and that he would like me to reach that goal at Arsenal with him."

Precisely. London - good food, great shopping, what more could you ask? Probably a bit warmer than Moscow too.

Away from the Emirates (the stadium, not the United Arab...), all sorts of things happening at Manciti. Well, not much, if you discount spending mad money. They're just totting it up, David Silva, Jermone Boateng, Yaya Toure...

But it has to be (Y) Toure's signing that just prods us over the edge into the unreal. The twilight zone of football transfers. The man's going to be making £200,000 a week. Probably the highest-paid player in the Premier League. And you have to wonder, Yaya Toure, the highest paid player in the league? Shit. The people at Eastlands are just creating an entirely new universe. (Getting visions of blue, ultra-tall aliens running around in the blue of Manciti).

But, but, but. The money never figured in his equations. No, sir. It was just that he had achieved everything, won everything with Barca, so he though: why not go to a club that has won nothing, and make that succeed? £200,000 a week? Really? I didn't see that when I signed the contract. Thought they'd made a mistake with an extra zero. Money never was an issue. Would've signed for free just to play with my bro.

Wonder why these people ever feel it necessary to justify their moves. Oh forgot. Apart from justifying their moves, there's also the feel-good, human-interest, I-was-dirt-poor angle to everything too. Classic.

Speaking of Manciti's spending spree, looks like Fernando Torres is on their list too, of course. Gonna be ready to break all sorts of transfer records. We all know the drill.

For now, new wager: how much on Mancini being the first manager to go next season. For all the money spent, won't be surprised if Mancini gets hung, drawn and quartered after the first three fixtures. Spurs, Pool, and then a lousy draw to Sunderland - death to Mancini. I can just see it.

Righty then. C'est tout. Maybe more tomorrow? We can only hope.