The Return of the Arsewiper?

Alright. Now where was I? Okay, it’s been like 2 months. But here’s the deal. The Arsewiper now writes from Switzerland, so forgive the delay. It’s also been a super bloody damn depressing couple of weeks (okay, it ‘s been like that for 5 months now) even thinking about Arse, so I haven’t been like…really inspired to say anything about nothing. Nothing – that’s about as good a description of our performances. Nothing. Zip.

I must say, however, that a few things did take my eye. One of them would be Spurs, believe it or not, and good ‘ole Robbie Keane. Now let’s see…I think I did write about the Pool transfer when it first happened.

Hate to say…no, I love saying it, but stupid idiots at Pool. The money they spend on half a season of Robbie Keane, they could have like...bought...Craig Bellamy. Goddamn. Maybe it was just Rafa getting sick of his stupid infantile machine-gun type stupid goal celebrations – not that there were that many of them in the first place. I think he just did it too much at training.

So, Harry Redknapp and his gang of stupidos at White Hart Lane are beginning to look like some low rate pawn shop. Selling things off, buying them back, scumming a few million quid off the likes of stupid Pompey and Pool while they’re at it. Maybe they should sell Bentley back to us for £2.50. Wouldn’t mind having him suck the mud off Arshavin’s studs in the locker room.

Anyways, the second reason why I thought about writing was of course…Arshavin. Now, if that wasn’t the most ridiculous transfer saga in our proud history. That must be the problem with dealing with these Russians. I think we should just be glad they didn’t set some thugs off on Arsene and put a slug through his left eye. Never mind what we had to pay. Just give them the damn money and run, I say. So as tonic to all the depressing stuff going on – eg, how every goal has been made/scored by RVP this entire month – we at least have something else to think about now. (Speaking about that stat, what the #@$! Is Adebayor doing man? And what was Le Boss thinking about sitting him on the bench against West Ham? Bloody hell).

What’s the worst that could happen with the Arshavin transfer? Let’s see. He gets a serious case of Rosicky-itis. Or Acute Chronic Eboue-ism. What the hell, so what. It’s just £15 million, and more money than that has been wasted on transfers. I can’t believe £15 million is a club record. But in any case, there have been strange reactions to the last-minute transfer. There’s some news here of how some idiot called Martin O’Neill’s like a bit upset over the Premier League bending the rules for Arse. Well, he can go suck Arshavin’s studs too. Does he not have better thing to think about? Like what to have for dinner? What Agbonlahor’s name means…well, if there’s any sign of insecurity, then this must be it. Bitchy about some stupid transfer. Methinks we’ll still finish above Villa, if only because we always do – in alphabetical listings.

Final gripe of the night: Why the shit did the game on Tuesday have to be postponed? Because of some SNOW?? SNOW?? Did anyone see how much snow there actually was at the Emirates? Holy shit. That kind of snow melts with a couple of nice farts. And they had to actually postpone an FA Cup game because of that? What was it? 1 inch? 2? Trust the idiots. It snows Sunday, Monday, and by then, with the mass hysteria over some sprinkling, they decide to postpone a game on Tuesday. Arshavin must be beside himself: “Свыше в России, мы уничтожить нашу backsides с таким снегом!!!!” (ie, over in Russia, we wipe our arses with such snow)

So more on news from this part of Switzerland. First, I do get some English football. Not all of it, but a little bit, and the occasional live Arse game. You know, it’s actually not too bad NOT having to watch Arse live these days. I can just pretend it never happened. Like the last West Ham game. Tonight though, I get to watch Everton v Pool since it’s on ITV. And on Sunday, do I get to watch the game with Spurs? Nooooo….what’s on live in this part of the world with Sky? FSV Mainz 05 - TSV 1860 München. And with German commentary too. Just brilliant. Too bad you can’t get a razor blade to you’re your wrists while you’re at it. Unfortunately then, the Arsewiper ain’t gonna be able to give his take on too many Arse games in any detail. Which may be a blessing. One blessing I do count is that the last live game I sat through was the win at Hull.

So I’m back. This post goes to supporters in Kuala Lumpur and New Delhi. Mmmmm….the Arsewiper’s kinda international, looks like.