The Right Final (updated!)

I am endeavouring from today, to stop talking about (i) Ade until he actually goes, (ii) Nasri until he finally arrives, and (iii) any transfer speculation that does not involve the first female signing in the history of the EPL - since everyone else has been linked to us.

BREAKING NEWS (yeah, right): Ade's staying put, actually. News just breaking that he's broken his silence. Some quotes from the man himself:

"I was born in Togo so I never cared about playing for money, my happiness was to play to enjoy myself. That's what I've been doing until now.

"You can see people changing clubs because of money, because they want a change of atmosphere or to get their names in the big leagues. I just play football to enjoy myself. I play because I love it."

Haha. Now what does that mean? Is he saying something about (money) Flamini and (change of atmosphere) Hleb? But it's really bollocks. He probably was given some good money, so he's now happy. But seriously, if this is going to be the start of an annual friggin' summer dance, then I'm really not a happy camper. Hint to Ade: see how quickly the Clichy nonsense was resolved: less than 24 hours.

On to Spain's mauling of the Russians. I suppose I was 75% right in that everything did only happen in the last half hour (or so), but I suppose extra time was never a possibility. haha.

Before I get into Cesc's performance, I think I know why the Russians so sucked. Some idiot Russian with lots of money promised each player (before the game) two women for every goal scored. Two classic "d'oh!" quotes:

“For each goal I’ll present two beautiful chicks. Watch the guys react.”

And Arshavin: “There are a number of bachelors in our team. This is a great incentive.”

So just how did they react? Like a bunch of virgins unable to handle the stress of knowing what fun lay ahead of them? And what kind of incentive was that for Arshavin? Like he couldn't afford it himself? Losers. Good thing Casillas pulled off a wonder save at the end. God help the poor girls promised to Bilyatdinov, who would probably have shared them with the rest of the sorry team. But this all begs the question: shouldn't Guus Hiddink get something too? It's not like he's ever going to be able to score (on the pitch).

I'm so glad Arshavin ain't comin to the Emirates. If there's anything worse than Arsewiping, it's a cheapo Arseshavin' who can't afford his own women. (It's too early, so pardon my feeble attempts).

On the other hand, you gotta love this Sun headline: "Joy of Cesc". Joy of Cesc indeed. What a performance he put in last night. If this means Cesc gets to start in the final, then I must say the boy couldn't have timed his peak more perfectly. The first little chip to Guiza for the second goal, and the pass to Silva for the second. Kinda reminded me of a team called Arsenal. (Tip on pronouncing "Dani Guiza": Get a rubber band. Tie it round your tongue as tight as possible. Hold your breath. Then say it. Works really well).

But seriously, even with Villa not injured, I'm not sure how Aragones can justify keeping Cesc on the bench for the final. My bet would be for Cesc and Iniesta to start. If Villa can't make the team, then perhaps Xavi. It must be said that Torres was far from impressive. Guiza (see pronunciation tip) should start in his place.

In the end though, I think we have the right final. For all the Dutch pretensions, French nonsense, over-expectations of the Portugese, Czech disappointment, Russian and Turkish hope, and the Croat collapse, the right teams have ultimately made it to the final. Spain for their simply beautiful football, the Germans for their painful, dogged consistency and determination. I hope they won't (as they are liable to do) simply strangle the life out of the Spaniards on Sunday. All other things being equal, I see nothing else other than Spain finally winning.

Finally, today marks 50 more days to kick off. Yup, 50 more days to our first game against West Brom. Watch the countdown clock!