Oh My God...

Oh man. For the first time in more than 2 weeks, I'm at a loss. There's nothing to do. It's terrible. What's the use of the damn TV, if there's no football on?

I'm beginning to fear for the period between 12 July and 14 August.

Anyways, what better time than now to talk a little bit about the USA.

Yes, the USA! Those who have read this for a little while know that I have a little soft spot for the US team. Those who have spoken to me have looked at me like a complete looney when I said I was rooting for the US this World Cup. Even worse those who look at me when I say one day soon, they're gonna win the World Cup.

I still believe it. Trust me, they're going to win it for the first time before England wins a second - if ever. Think about it - it's just a matter of time, before you get the Michael Jordans, the Tiger Woods, the Michael Phelps', all somehow emerging in one generation of football players.

Look at it this way. For some reason, the US somehow produces really good goalkeepers. Marcus Hahnemann, Tim Howard, Brad Friedel, Brad Guzan, and before them, Kasey Keller. Even Boaz Myhill's decent, and American-born. It's always goalkeepers. But, it's all white guys man. And they say white men can't jump! How is it that they've produced such amazing goalkeepers, without even tapping that source of really good (and I'm sorry to use this) black guys? Can you imagine Michael Jordan as goalkeeper? Man...

And this, not even mentioning the guaranteed supply of good players of Latin American, South American extract. It's all going to work out. All that needs to happen now is: (a) the slow transformation of the soccer-mom, Honda Odyssey, soccer-playing set, and (b) for the US to stop using non-football terms in talking about football.

This is crucial. There is no way in hell they're going to win anything talking nonsense.

First, let's not even talk about "soccer". That's an argument too far gone to win. It's done. We've already lost that battle. Let's just try to change things that can be changed. For starters, then:

"Over-time". There's no such thing. It's called extra-time. Over-time...

"Touch-line". Nope, sorry. Sounds stupid. What are they going to do? Touch-down on the touch-line? Along the same vein, you don't say "the ball rolls into touch".

Things like "2-0-2". We don't understand statistics like that.

"Ties" - as in "the US ties Algeria". Sorry, we don't understand that either. It's called draw. Not as in illustrate. But draw.

"Turnover" - even Bob Bradley uses it! "Turnover in midfield", he said. I can't imagine it. How can any manager give a credible team talk in the changing room at half-time if he uses "turnover"??? "That was a shit turnover!" Don't think Bradley's going to get a coaching job in Europe.

To make a "good play". Not good. Sorry. "That was a good play by David Villa!!" I'm sure he'd be chuffed to have his "play" referred to as a "play".

A "shut-out" by the goalkeeper. Holy smokes. It's called a clean sheet. Shut-out. Please.

US MNT - as in US Men's National Team. I'm sorry, when you say US Men's National Team, it sounds like you're talking gymnastics and floor exercises. Just say: the US. That should be fine.

"Regulation", as in regulation time. Imagine - calling the 90 minutes regulation. As in "Tied 0-0 during regulation..." Gives me the shivers.

I mean, there is no way any coach (even "coach" is slightly off in the footballing sense. There's a fitness coach, yes, but let's not call Bob Bradley a "coach". He's more than that) is going to stand in front of any decent dude of Brazilian or Mexican origin and start using terms like these. Not good for the credibility, sir, not good.

I'm sure there're many more terms out there. But you get the drift. No country's going to win the World Cup with a US MNT. Start working on that first.

Ciao then. It's going to be equally weird tomorrow, I fear.

WC Review: Paraguay & Spain

Not much to say today.

Paraguay: Bluuuurgh.

0-0, penalties, and poor Japan go out. Not much to report is there? Just looked to me that Japan went into the penalty shoot-out looking rather depressed. Oh well. The last Asian hope is out. The Latin American/Central American dominance continues.

As for Spain-Portugal, what a let down too. Damn. I'd even fantasised. Of Cristiano Ronaldo. Yes, scoring, and beating that Barca-infested Spanish team. But no such joy for me, I suppose. Portugal had a pretty good showing the first half, but unfortunately slowly disappeared as the second half wore on. Ronaldo in particular was conspicuous in his absence. Probably got paid off by his real paymasters.

You gotta wonder about Portugal. I mean, Spain had Fernando Torres. He was like, giving Emile Heskey a run for his money. He was that good! The only person who could've scored, and eventually did score, was David Villa. You just had to take care of him, man! Geez.

Not much else to say - except, of course, on "simulation". Mmmm...I love simulation. You get Spain and Portugal, you're sure to get at least one really simulating incident. And there was. Capdevila-Costa. No way in hell anybody could've seen what happened, but Capdevila clutches his face (of course), and Costa gets the red card.

Tell me something. The friggin' ball crosses the line by more than a yard, and nobody sees it. Someone's face apparently gets touched, and from the same 20 yards, the ref sees the damn thing? When all the replays show really, that nothing happened? Brilliant.

A word on Cesc Fabregas. Four games, two appearances as a sub, for a total of 50-odd minutes of football out of 360. Well, who's telling us he'd fit right into Barca then? He'd fit right in just as he's done so far for Spain, looks like.

There wasn't much to occupy me watching Spain-Portugal, so I of course turned to England. Figured the English could do with some blame to spread around. I could think of eight things and people to pin some blame on:

8. Homer Simpson - for inventing "doh!" For making us say it so much!

7. The ball - for being round and bouncing backwards back in play and onto the bar again, instead of into the net. Stoopid ball.

6. The communists - for not hanging around long enough in East Germany. Darn it. Might've been slightly easier with West Germany (if only slightly).

5. FIFA - why do they have to keeping organising these stoopid World Cups? Just furgeddit. Let's just call the Premier League champions World Champions. The Americans do it in baseball, so why can't we?

4. Ghana, Australia, Serbia - for letting Germany qualify from the group stages. Idiots, co-conspirators, all of you!

3. China - for making that damn Jabulani, which we're sure flew just than 0.05 cm higher than Frank Lampard had meant.

2. Marks and Spencers - for making those stupid suits that the team had to wear. We're sure it weirded the team out. Just check it out. Is that freaky or what?

(Not freaky enough? Just look right here. If the team's not setting itself up for failure right there...)

1. Them foreigners! Curse them for coming to the Premier League, making it so successful, stuffing our pockets with ridiculous wages, lowering our standards. I mean, things were fine and dandy in 1966, right? The league was just perfect then. Foreigners? We had George Best.

Alright, before I go. I'm in Switzerland right? And, it's 10.40pm, the game's ended a while ago, and I'm still hearing celebrating going on outside. It's damn irritating. Hell a lot more than I heard when the Swiss beat them. What the hell's happening??

Weird.

WC Review: Holland & Brazil

Our goalkeeper search is over. Maarten Stekelenburg's the man. Though that Slovak keeper's no slouch either - he even saves shots with his face. Pretty cool. That is, until he mucked it up with the second Sneijder goal.

That said, the story of missed chances and decent goalkeeping was the story of Holland's 2-1 win over Slovakia. On both sides. Holland should've killed the game off early in the second half, while the Slovaks had even better chances to get to 1-1. Stekelenburg pulling off two stunning saves in the space of 5 minutes or so. While it hung in the balance, you always felt there was always one more goal in it -it just wasn't clear whether it'd be Dutch or Slovak. Great for the neutral, but terrible for fans of either side.

In the end, the Dutch did seal it late, but indicative of the problems they're going to have to work out, they conceded a silly penalty with the last kick of the game. They're so going to have to work on their defending, and after that, their finishing, if they're going to get beyond the quarters.

With chaps like RVP and Sneijder having a mediocre to below-average day at the office, thank god for Arjen Robben. His impact was clear from his cameo against Cameroon, and his goal again evidence of his value to yet another unconvincing Dutch display.

Funny ain't they, the Dutch? They've basically plodded through 4 games and 4 wins without as much as hitting third gear. I suppose you could look at this positively - in that the best is yet to come, or negatively, in that they really haven't been tested yet. Brazil are next. So who knows what we're going to see. In any case, they really need to up the standards of just about everything, if we're going to be seeing more orange in this World Cup

Isn't the whole World Cup experience wonderful? You get to watch Holland play on Monday afternoon, Brazil on Monday evening, and by Friday afternoon, you get to watch them play each other. Just wonderful.

Oh yeah, speaking of Brazil. They got through. Surprise!!! 3-0. Surprise!!!

As easy a Round of 16 game as you'd ever find. (Wait. Let me side-track here. I don't like terming this the 2nd Round or Round of 16. Let's stick to the French. Huitieme. Makes sense. Then quatrieme as in quarters. Sounds more stylish anyway, for the wannabe Arsewiper).

The first half hour is rather mundane. Chile looking quite good actually, and Brazil looking rather sleepy. In fact, Chile probably had the better shots at goal, and I'm already getting to switch off the TV and take my shower. The anticipation was that things would only heat up in the last bits of the game. Don't get any funny ideas.

So. In the space of 4-5 minutes after that, Brazil puts the game to bed with some ruthless finishing. Absolutely ruthless. The stuff you'd only normally see once in a blue moon. Or more recently, when Germany put England away. So it's 2-0 by minute 35, and then I go take a shower.

No point watching anymore, until I get alerted by the neighbourhood vuvuzelas to Robinho's third. Hmm. Nice goal. Thank you.

All rather run-of-the-mill stuff from Brazil. Let's hope we see a better test for them on Friday.

Looking round the papers, it's clear that this is when the fun starts, with England, the media, the soul-seaching, the hand-wringing, the self-flagellation, the angsting and what not.

But worry not. It's only temporary. Come EURO 2012, we'll go through it all again, and the usual collective amnesia will set in. All England will be happy again and looking forward to winning the darn thing. With or without that damn Fabio Capello.

In the meantime, one of the more amusing things to do now is to do the "Should He Wear An England Shirt Again" deal. The Sun has gone and done one.

I have to say I agree with it almost 100%. The verdict there is that of those who started, only Gerrard, Cole and Rooney should don the Three Lions again. Of the three, I can only be so definitive re Gerrard. For sure, the man has shown that he of all the Golden Generation has the bollocks to stand up. We'll just have to see if he can make it to Brazil 2014. What he'll need is a big-money move away from the EPL in the meantime. At 34, he'd still be the only person able to deliver for England.

Cole? Shit. I say no. And especially for 2012 and 2014, you gotta look to Kieran Gibbs.

Rooney? To be nice, I'll put this in at 50-50. 24 years old, and he already looks past his international prime. Off the pace, morose, moody, and far from the leader he should be at his prime. 28, and he'll probably be on the verge of a Gazza-esque breakdown on the international stage.

At this point, the only difference between France and England is that France for all that you can say, still have the luxury of chucking out the entire team, saving one or two, and still have decent players out there able to pick it up. England? No such lucks, chappies. I like this last line in just one of many depressing pieces out there:

"Each time the mantra is that we need to be honest about the true state and standing of the England football team and we never are."

Righty-ho. Never are, never will be. And oh yeah - it's not just the England football team. It's English football players. Full stop.

So, what's the next step? Oh yeah. Let's do a "Who and What Do We Blame" exercise. I'd like that. More soon.

Ciao then. But before that, a little P.S. below.

Note to FIFA: You know how I said yesterday you'd take the next logical step and ban replays on your screens at matches? Erm. Shit. I was being sarcastic. Didn't think you'd take something so ridiculous seriously. Sorry...

But, in which case, maybe the next next logical step would be to ban all video transmitting devices that can be brought into the stadium: mobile phones, IPods, IPhones, you know, all sorts of normal stuff? Wouldn't want these pesky fans having access to anything incendiary would we? Let alone those naughty players, or those people on the bench looking at replays. Tsk tsk.

WC Review: Germany/Argentina

England-Germany.

What a game! What a tragi-comedy! Not even the ole bard Shakespeare could've dreamt this one up! England. The Ing-ger-land - crashes to its heaviest-ever World Cup defeat to ye olde enemy, Germany. In the round of 16, no less, when the word before the first kick was made was that semi-finals were the bare minimum.

Ha!

If the poetry behind the defeat was tragic enough, the defending behind the four goals even better. First goal - school-boy stuff. Second too. The third and fourth, caught pants down on the counter-attack following from a free-kick in the German half.

For sure, England did play well, for about 5 minutes from the time Upson scored - rather unexpectedly and against the run of play - till Lampard's goal was missed. What better way to make that defeat even more tragic, than to have a totally legitimate and dreadfully obvious goal missed.

There'll be lots lots and lots said, and there'll be lots more - but the decision on the goal by Lampard was just hilarious. Yes, the referee was culpable; yes, the linesman was an insult to the blind; yes, with the standards of refereeing we've seen this World Cup, it doesn't come as too much of a surprise. But you know who and what look stupidest of all? FIFA, Sepp Blatter and their intransigence over goal-line technology and replays.

Just classic. Millions (if not billions) watching FIFA's World Cup, and this, their headline match of the matches so far, and it's cocked up. Plain and simple. They've cocked up elsewhere before, no doubt, but this has to be the funniest (given my England sentiments) and the most public. (But wait, more was to come in the Argentina game!)

As for England's performance, well, what can be said? First, Rooney was at his best. At doing nothing and looking frustrated. Second, the defence - would've made Wigan Athletic look tidy any day. Third, how can England go through four games of a World Cup, and score just three goals? Gerrard, Defoe and Upson. Upson! Wherefore art thou, ye predators of the English Premier League? You know it's bad when the BBC's own commentators start cannibalising the EPL's best and brightest.

What went wrong? I'd start with these same pundits - for playing it all up in the media hype. Look at it all objectively, and anyone would know that England really, just don't have the pedigree nor the bollocks to deal with games of these magnitude.

As for Argies-Mexico, what can you say? Mexico start off way the better team for the first half hour or so. Argentina can't quite get in it. Then, the goal. Pathetic officiating again. Clear off-side, but the poor Mexicans are let down. I mean, it's almost bizarre. Stadiums now having big screens. These big screens televise instant replays, well, instantly. And, no...everyone has a look, but the referee and his linesman can't. Same thing as in the England game. What can you do. Good luck to all of us waiting for FIFA to stop sitting on their hands. Methinks they're gonna take the next logical step and either (a) ban those giant screens or (b) ban having replays on the screens.

Anyhows, first a crappy mistake from the officials, and then another comical mistake from the Mexicans themselves. Quite unfortunate. Played well for most of the half, but two down at half time. Of course, what better way to vent their frustrations than to get into a little fisticuffs with the Argentinians on the way to the tunnel.

As much as the first two goals were dodgy for different reasons, the third from Tevez was a thing of beauty in itself. Ouch ouch ouch. That would've hurt the net a tad. Game over, and who would begrudge the Mexicans a peachy goal of their own to make it 3-1.

Having watched both England and Argentina at their best today, you can't help but wonder. How is it that one team struggles in qualifying, only to turn up a different team when it really matters. And the other - breezes through qualifying only to turn up a different team too, when it really matters. The answer? Quite simply, is that the first team really, can only be inspired by the pressure, the attention, the enormity of the occasion. And the other, only whithers up, and shrinks. Ah well. Nothing new there.

So, we're just going to have to watch that Argentina keeps it up and hasn't already peaked too early. Next up, though: Argentina v Germany. Now that, is going to be really yummy! Funny isn't it? You get one quarter-final like that, and another with Uruguay v Ghana. I suppose that's what makes it all so riveting.

Finally, something else that I saw in both games today - the matching outfits. And I'm not talking about the jerseys on the pitch. I'm talking here the managers/coaches. What's the deal here? Joachim Low and his sidekick looking decidedly gay, if not daft - as I've mentioned before, and Diego Maradona and his clique looking decidedly Soprano-ish. Not sure what it's for. Strange.

On to Holland then! Hop Holland!

WC Review: Uruguay/Ghana

First off, I expected a little bit more from South Korea. It was a funny game. Uruguay started off the for more impressive, South Korea their usual selves, defensively confused, but still full of energy. Suarez's goal was classic. Totally comical Korean defending, cheeky ball across from Veron, and easy enough tap in with the entire Korean defence just looking on.

From then on, far large parts of the game, Uruguay simply could not build on their lead, much as Korea continued with their uninspired defending. But, as the game wore on, with Uruguay still only one goal to the good, and the Koreans still running their hearts out, you figured something could happen.

And it did. A Bolton player scored too. Lee Chung-yong. Always liked him; too bad he's at Bolton. Pretty sure he'll move in due course though. Anyways, at 1-1, you had to fancy Korea. Still full of energy, and somehow, managing to cut out the defensive shennigans.

But alas. The only thing that would separate the teams at this point was Suarez, and his deciding goal was admittedly deserving.

Looks like Japan will have to restore some Asian pride against Latin American opponents in Paraguay next week.

Oh yeah - one final thing on the game. Was it me, or did anyone else out there also notice two things: (a) the crap crowd - looked like the stadium was half-full, and (b) the crap pitch. The stadium's going to be hosting two more games it seems. Good luck to them.

Before I get to the US-Ghana game itself, let me just have a quick word on the ITV commentary. Peter Drury just irritates me. This time, it was the repeated references to "America". America this, America that. Not sure if the most successful continent thus far in the World Cup would be pleased, but it irritates me, simple enough. Twit.

As for the score, yes. Ghana won. And what a sad night for the US. A strange game it was, in the end. Ghana started off much brighter, and the US - much like Korea - seemed lost in the excitement, and gave away a crappy goal early early early in the game. Much like Korea, again, as the game progressed, the US seemed to get back into it, and they eventually equalised through - who else, Landon Donovan. At that point, you really would've put money on the US to seal the deed. Ghana were on the back foot, and seemed already willing to play for extra time.

You sorta figured out why then. Again, scording early in extra time through more defensive uncertainty. That, unfortunately, was that. The US just did not have enough quality through the team to see them through.

The US team stands on three people: Donovan, Dempsey and Bradley. And there's only so far them three can bring you if the rest of the team don't deliver. I mean, Donovan takes the corners, the free kicks, the penalties, and scores the goals. Case in point: Jozy Altidore.

Has anyone seen as useless a striker as Jozy Altidore? He is such an immense waste of space. I mean, it's bad enough the US are light on that front, but to have Altidore? Holy smokes, he's absolutely abysmal. It's not like he's Mr Invisible. He's pretty involved, but everything he touches seems to end up in nothing. Surreal that it took Bob Bradley 90 minutes to take him off. What a joke.

Oh well. One team I'm watching for is out. All eyes on Holland then.

In the near term, of course, them eyes, are already looking ahead to tomorrow and the crunch match of crunch matches: England v Germany. As can be expected, everyone's pumped up in the England camp, and the media of course, has been more than happy to chip in.

Captain Stevie G's upbeat, and in particular on Waybe Rooney:

"It is only a matter of time before Wayne scores in this tournament and hopefully that is tomorrow."

Hopefully. If not, there's always tomorrow. Or the day after. Take your time, dude. It's just a matter of time. What a crack up.

You know speaking of the media, for some reason, I happened to look at Die Zeit, just to get an idea of how the respectable German media might be hyping this up at this time. Here's a sentence from one such story:

Thomas Müller bezeichnete die Engländer als "geilen Gegner" und der Bundestrainer Joachim Löw urteilte: "Das ist ein besonderes Spiel."

Okay. What the shit does that mean, I hear you say. This is what Google tells me:

Thomas Müller described the Englishman as "horny opponents" and the national coach Joachim Loew pronounced: "This is a special game . The Duel lives on in history. " How right he was.

Looks like Müller's got it spot on. Horny opponents alright, but horny bastards more accurately! Special attention on the likes of Terry, Cole, Rooney then...

Alright. G'night. My thoughts are with Bill Clinton - it was nice to see him cheering the USA on.

WC Review: Brazil/Portugal & Spain/Chile

Oh sigh. What a let down. What a damp squib.

First, the Brazil-Portugal game played out as all the cynics would've expected. It was a shame the tie had to take place right at the end, when in all reality both would have no need to do anything other than show up. I mean, Brazil even trotted out Julio Baptista - not sure if there might be a weaker statement of intent.

Anyhows, nothing happened, and I spent much of the game thinking about "simulations". I like that word. Really do. It's used all the time, except when normal people talk. "What the shit are you doing? Simulating??!! Huh?? Tell me, was that a bloody simulation, you damn simulator??!! That's disgusting simulation!"

Anyway, I digress. We all know what simulation is in FIFA-speak. But, having watched Tiago simulate in the penalty box first half of the game, and then rightly get a yellow card, I was left wondering why there's no similar sanction for anyone who simulates injury (especially facial injury) in a blatant attempt to get someone sent off. If a guy clutches his face in writhing agony one second, then gets up the next with nary a stratch, would that not be simulation - if ever there's better illustration of what the damn word means??

Ahhh....not going to overly "simulate" myself over this.

There was some minute prospect of excitement in the other game - where the Ivory Coast had to chuck in as many goals as the North Koreans would allow. Two goals in 20-odd minutes gave us some hope of excitement. But no, damp squib there too. 3-0. Oh well. The only thing of note would be that North Korea can go home proud. One goal, against Brazil no less.

On to the evening's games. Better prospects for excitement, surely. Not. Let me get Switzerland out of the way first.

Switzerland. Conquerors of mighty Spain. Top of the table after one game. 3 points, 1 goal. But that's how it would ever after two more games. What a let down. Even I was celebrating, expectant and even somehow vaguely proud to be in Switzerland to witness it all.

Considered getting a Swiss shirt. Thank god Puma did a shit job and I thought better. Considered getting one of those air-blasting siren thingys, so Arsewiper Jr could do more than honk the car horn in celebrating a further Swiss goal or even a Swiss win. Alas, we didn't even get to see another goal. Thankfully then, didn't buy the siren thingy. May just do so still, for Holland.

So, having beaten Spain, they couldn't muster anything against Chile, and certainly not the two they needed against Honduras. Any team that can't beat Honduras when they really need, forget about Spain, I suppose won't deserve to be in the last 16. How sad.

Note to Hitzfeld: practice scoring goals!!! (Note to self: Easier said than done, when your leading man upfront is a 35 year-old N'Kufo).

Spain-Chile. Chile started well enough, making Spain look all ragged and nervous. Pretty nice, I thought. Would be nice to see Spain squirm. And then it happened. The Chileans pressed a little button.

First, goalkeeping nightmare. Dude runs out for little reason, clears (or passes) the ball nicely to Villa, who finishes nicely from 40 yards or so. Goal out of the blue.

The thuggish Chileans then start to pile up the yellows, and soon enough, in the build up to Iniesta's second, the master thug Marco Estrada gets himself sent off. Game over. Even if they got a second, both sides figured rightly by half time that no way in hell Switzerland were going to score, and both were happy with things.

So now. Spain v Portugal. Yummy. Spain look ordinary when Villa's not involved (i.e. the first 20 minutes of the game), so Portugal will have much to be optimistic about. I mean, if Torres starts, Portugal are guaranteed at least one Spanish player who won't/can't score. Can't get better than that.

Chile v Brazil now too. Hmmm...I wonder...just how are Chile going to deal with Brazil. Difficult one that. Thankfully, they're running out of players with the yellows they've picked up. Thugs!

What a dull dull night. So what else is happening? Let's see...

Oh dear. Oh me. Oh my. Just as French politicians were forced to weigh in on the French debacle, so too have their Italian counterparts. Trust the Italians to be just as dramatic. Some guy blaming it on "luxury immigrants", being "paid millions, have legs made of jelly and are short of breath."

Wonder which immigrants on the pitch he was referring to. Didn't see any myself.

What more, according to the kind signore, "Italy's premature elimination is merely the result of an insane sports policy which has seen the league, the cup and the Champions League being won by teams who do not have a single Italian."

You know, much has been said about this too, in the context of the English Premier League. I've always tried to figure out the logic. By this, I suppose the end argument would be that the national team should be populated by the all best players from their own national league, right? And that the best domestic teams should be the place where the best nationals play at?

Let's look at Brazil. Starting line-up in their game against the Ivory Coast and current teams:

Cesar: Inter

Juan: Roma

Lucio: Inter

Michel Bastos: Lyon

Maicon: Inter

Felipe Melo: Juventus

Gilberto Silva: Panathinaikos

Luis Fabiano: Sevilla

Kaka: Real Madrid

Robinho: Man City? Santos? Whatever.

Elano: Galatasaray

Robinho notwithstanding, who still is a Man City player, none play in Brazilian league. So, would not one make the conclusion from this that the Brazilian league is populated by its lesser lights? If so...

You know what the real problem is? Not that the Italian league is over-populated by foreign players. Not that Milan has more foreigners than Italians. But that none of the Italian starting team currently play outside Italy. If I'm not wrong.

Shortest answer, though, is quite simple: You suck. France sucked. The French league is filled with French players, no? So what that does that mean? Should they not have done better than Italy? Geez.

To end on a nice happy note: our own Cesc has given the US a kindly look:

"The best moment for me at the World Cup so far was that nail biting end when the USA scored in the last minute against Algeria." Righty-ho. I agree, good sir.

"They have spirit too - they came from two goals down against Slovenia to get a draw and scored in injury time against Algeria to go through." Exactement!

"So I can see them reaching the semi-finals and then who knows what might happen." Who knows, who knows.

Let's see tomorrow!

WC Review: Paraguay/Slovakia & Holland/Japan

Looks like Italy has gone and done a France. Well, done a France with at least a tad more heart, and none of the girly catfighting. Of course, even if it was for the last 20 minutes or so, Italy did provide a good deal of entertainment on the pitch, instead of off it.


Who would've thought. Looks like a real passing of the old guard. Slovakia, who until little more than 20 years ago, did not exist (as an international football team). And when they did, often lived in the footballing shadows of their more illustrious brethren. And Italy, most celebrated and most recent of European champions of the world. Sheesh. I suppose when you have a bunch of geriatrics running around with a bunch of young 'uns brought up in a decrepit Serie A, this is what you get.


A word too for New Zealand, who finished above Italy, and at times, threatened to even top the damn group. What a run, what a team, and what a World Cup for them. My hats off, and my deepest respect. Unbeaten too, and this from a team expected to be the whipping boys.


As for the other deciding games - what a show too from Japan. Was it me, or did Japan just score the first goals from free-kicks this World Cup? Not Portugal, Brazil or Argentina? I might be wrong, but a funny thought that would be. I suppose that would be perfect fodder for the anti-Jabulani crowd. I suppose they might be right. At least as far as the free-kicks are concerned. But full credit to Honda for a screamer of Ronaldo-esque proportions, and shortly after, another peach from Endo. (Was going to attempt a lame pun on Honda, but thought better).


You gotta feel good for the Japanese. Who on this form, do look good going into their game with Paraguay. In particular, you'll have to keep your eye on Honda. Methinks big-money move is in the works for the man.


I do feel kinda let down by the Danes though. I'd expected a little more, but in the end they simply ran out of steam, after their heroics against Cameroon. Bent Nick could not by himself mitigate against the overall lack of real quality in the team. Ha. But hey - great thing Nick's now getting himself a rest.


Oh yeah - nearly forgot. There was the little matter of the meaningless game between Holland and Cameroon as well. RVP's gotten off the mark - which is as much as could be said of the game. (Of course, the fact that the TV was tuned to Japan-Denmark might have something to do with that). Whatever the case, I'm just pretty chuffed with Holland's (should be) easy next game with Slovakia.


Looking forward, much fun tomorrow with Spain and Switzerland. Let's see if Spain does a France and Italy. Really, the end of the old world in football, eh?


You know, the longest ever match in tennis just ended at Wimbledon today. 70-68 in the 5th set to John Isner. Over Nicholas Mahut. Yes, nobody really knows who they are, but now everyone will. It look more than 11 hours. Can you imagine? Thank god for 90 minutes, extra time, and penalties. I could never imagine. Yes, it was some entertainment. But try imagining England v Algeria at 0-0 for 11 hours.


With that rather somnulent thought, I'm going to bed. Ta.

WC Review: US/England & Germany/Ghana

Oh. My. God. What a finish to Group C. One minute, England are through, top of the table, with a dismal Slovenia undeservedly plodding through to the last 16 on their coat-tails. The US, beset by a mixture of arse luck, some comical finishing and daylight robbery (again!) looked unfortunately on the way out. This was minute 91.

Up stepped Landon Donovan. Of course. Goal. The US go through, top of the table, and Slovenia, having been dismal in not giving England a better game, saw it snatched from their grasp. It's poetic. Slovenia, having just lost a 2-0 lead to the US in the last game, to again get it taken away by the US at the last minute.

You gotta love the game, you gotta love the World Cup.

As for the games, there was a painful feeling of a conspiracy theory against the US for most of their tie. 20th minute, and a pathetic off-side decision against Clint Dempsey. No way in hell was it offside, clear as daylight. Two legitimate goals ruled out in two consecutive games. Shit, that must've hurt. Even more so, with Dempsey hitting the bar in the 56th minute.

That said, the US were just as culpabale of misses themselves. With Jozy Altidore in particular (my earlier remarks on him being a Hull (!) reject still refer) blasting over from 6 yards.

It was, ultimately, wholly deserved. And I must say I celebrated along with the rest of the US team after the game.

England. Well, they're through. Wonder how many out there are again looking towards the final. I suppose looking at the final performances of Slovenia and Algeria, it would have taken an equally dismal overall display by England not to have gotten through themselves. Thank god for them they aren't France.

But there will be worries still. For one, Rooney may not have been Mr Invisible this time round, but his finishing at times was laughable, having missed more than one clear-cut chance. Lampard? Well, he did a Lampard on the international stage impersonation again, i.e. conspicuous in his absence.

So all will be well again in jolly ole England, at least for a couple of days, until they meet Germany!

What larks - England would finish 2nd in what was supposed to be an easy group, and as a result, having to face the only enemy. It will be fun to watch. What I'd give to see it go to penalties!

As for the US, reward in the form of a most winnable tie against Ghana.

The games that brought both Germany and Ghana through were pretty much standard boiler-plate 0-0s until the last 15 minutes or so, when Australia scored one, then another, and suddenly, with Ozil having scored for Germany, there looked the remote possibility of even Australia going through. It was quite amazing stuff. With the whole goal difference story playing out, one more for Germany and Australia would've sealed it, but alas, there was to be no such fairy tale for the footballeroos.

But full marks to them. Excellent show in finishing third after the first demolition by Germany.

Apart from a most decent day of football (mainly in the earlier ties), it occurred to me today that the World Cup is probably the biggest meat market out there today. Of course. everyone's out there trying to play their best, and especially for the lesser known, it's their opportunity to put in a performance worthy of a big-money transfer to the Premier League, La Liga, and wherever else as well.

And where there's a market, there will be "middlemen". In this case, they're called agents. You can just see it, in every dingy street corner, these agents hanging out, scoping out clientele:

"Psst, sir. You want footballer? I have many footballers." "Come, come see. I have photos . You want young? Experienced? Defenders? Strikers? Brazilian? Danish? I have everything. Every price. Come, come..."

"I give you good discount. Best price. Just for today, you buy one French, you get two free. C'mon. You want Patrice Evra? No problem. For you, special price, and I give you Malouda and Anelka for free. Good deal. You cannot find anywhere else."

"No good? Okay, okay, I throw in Govou. Govou! He is not so bad. And I give you free. Free. Come, good deal, no? Usually, I ask $29.99, but price only go down a little bit. I still give you free. Come, buy Evra, you get three free now!"

"Okay, okay. I give you whole French team for $19.99. But no Lloris. Him, I cannot sell. $19.99, okay? Good price. Please!"

On another street corner...

"Hey, you shit, you said you give me Cesc. I see no Cesc. What the #!&%! is happening, man!?"

"I'm sorry. It's very difficult, sir. Them people not even giving me a price. After I give you Villa, you don't have so much money any more, no? It's difficult, man!"

"Shut the $&*#! up. I ask you for an excuse? We had a deal. You give me Cesc by August, or I cut off your huevos, you understand??!"

So we're nearly two weeks done. Time flies. And the fun has finally started.

More tomorrow.

WC Review: Uruguay/Mexico & Argentina/South Korea

First things first. France. Are expectedly out of the World Cup, but what a way to go. Without a whimper, but with the loudest crashes in probably all World Cup history. Bottom of an imminently winnable group, yes, but the whole disgraceful exit made it infinitely worse. I'm just glad we've seen the last of time. Bonne chance to all French supporters out there.

The sending off of Gourcuff was admittedly harsh, and served yet again to highlight the woeful overall standards of refereeing. How on earth it was a straight red when you see similar challenges day-in-day-out go unpunished is beyond. That said, France were already starting to look their mediocrest best by then, and having gone 1-0 down, looked absolutely beat.

So good riddance.

As far as the Mexico-Uruguay match, it did not end in the draw that everyone thought would happen, but the result was still the same. Both through. And rightly so, on the overall performances from the hosts and France.

Mexico will now face Argentina, who ran out expected 2-0 winners over Greece, and Uruguay take on South Korea, who despite a few scares, managed to draw 2-2 with Nigeria. I think I was fortunate to have sat through the game. Nigeria again looked again in the early stages, just as they did against Greece. Then, implosion again and they go 2-1 down. Even then, Yakubu had the miss of the World Cup in missing a tap in from all of 5 yards max. Hilarious.

All in all, I'd say the right 4 four teams have gotten through, but apart from Argentina, not the most convincing 4. Argentina should emerge from all 4 with relative ease.

You know, when it comes to France, you really have to wonder what people in, around and associated with the camp must be thinking. I mean, let's take the Arsenal team. You have Gael there, Diaby, Sagna, and elsewhere, you have Bent Nick, RVP, Eboue, Song all looking in and wondering what the hell is going on...I can just imagine the texting and SMS-ing go on...

RVP-Gael Clichy, 22 Jun 10, 11:01 am

yo, G, congrats on startg. but WTF is goin on with u guys man? its a f-ing joke. get real.

Gael Clichy-RVP, 22 Jun 10, 11.02am

f me. dunno. its pat, gallas, evn th. merde. gotta go. they chkg our phones now. all this leakg u know? gd luck, since i wont see u till london. :)

RVP-Gael Clichy, 22 Jun 10, 11:03am

thx. gd luck 2. best to abou.

RVP-Gael Clichy, 22 Jun 10, 7:12pm

oh shit. u guys suck! see u in trg.

Gael Clichy-RVP, 22 Jun 10, 7.13pm

yes, i know. but did u c? @ least i wore a shirt that fit! not like all of dem.

RVP-Gael Clichy, 22 Jun 10, 7.15pm

ya, i saw. u d coolest. no doubt. stay cool. c ya later.

Gael Clichy-RVP, 22 Jun 10, 7.16pm

thx. c u soon. hope boss signs some1 soon.

RVP-Gael Clichy, 22 Jun 10, 7.16pm

damn if we know, right? ;) c ya.

Anyway...

Tomorrow's D-Day then, eh? England. I can't wait. If they get through, you can bet your bottom dollar the media and the players are going to go ballistic again about their chances of winning it. If they don't, it's going to be all self-loathing. Just hilarious. Whatever it is, it's going to be fun. In the meantime, USA! USA! USA! USA!

WC Review: Portugal, Switzerland and Spain

Hm. Portugal scored seven then. I'd hoped for, and bet on a draw. Makes me look kinda stupid then, eh? Oh well. Thought the North Koreans could be counted on for another massively organised performance, but que sera sera. Poor dudes. Gotta feel sorry for them. Basically folded after the second goal. But, but, but...even if they lost, even if they crumbled, they still put in a good, professional performance bereft of pathetic rolling around, theatrics, yelling, etc. For that, they've already got my vote as winners this World Cup.

As for Portugal, I still think they've peaked a tad too early. Well, at least that's my biased point of view. It'll be interesting to see what happens when they play Brazil, though things in Group G look rather academic in all seriousness.

The second game led me to think: there must be something about the nervous systems of professional footballers. Except for those coming from North Korea. And exacerbated by the thin South African air. Everything seems to be linked to facial nerves, you know. You touch a guy on his neck, he clutches his face. You touch a guy on his shoulder, he clutches his face. Squeeze a guy's bollocks and I half suspect he'd clutch his face. Every damn body part's linked to their face. What is up with these people, man?

You know who I blame? Besides silly adults behaving like children, that is. Crap referees. And there've been more than a couple this World Cup. In fact, there've been too many, and they've basically killed off several games with stupid decisions, and no decisions on other occasions.

The latest crap decision came of course in that Chile-Switzerland game. In my book, an unncessary sending off for Behrami, when a yellow might have been sufficient punishment for swinging arms that were as accidental as they were benign. But a straight red? Only killed off the game as an attacking option for the Swiss.

To top it all off, there's another silly swinging arm/Swiss face-clutching incident later in the second half, and what does Chile get? A yellow. Now what the hell is that? A red there might have been doubly stupid, but at least the ref could claim to be consistently stupid. To only give a yellow only showed that the first was a mistake.

I'm sorry, but apart from the US-Slovenia game, this had to be the worst refereeing I've seen so far.

As far as the game was concerned, well, Switzerland were Switzerland, and had to be doubly so after the sending off. Resolute defending can only get you so far, I suppose, and it was a matter of time (including the 90 against Spain) before they let in a goal. Gotta feel sorry for them, and they really should've equalised at the death through Derdiyok.

As much as the ref in the game sucked, I enjoyed our Japanese friend in the next game as much as I did when he saw to the France-Uruguay time. Good man.


Yuichi Nishimura. My bet for the final. Is it coincidence that he is probably only one of three professional referees? Anyway...


Spain 2-0 Honduras. A pretty weird score-line all in all, given Spain's dominance and Honduras' dismal display. The same Spanish afflictions of over-extravagance and wastefulness were on display, this time mitigated at least by two brilliant Villa goals. Leave it to Torres and Ramos, and Spain would probably have drawn 0-0.


Take it from an Arsenal observer. This tippy-tappy stuff is a joy to behold, but all it takes is a Germany to get one over you. A remotely top-level team (i.e. Switzerland) could just punish you. So, yes, a brilliant display from Spain, but the wastefulness has to be a worry. Missed penalty even. Sheesh.


Last games in the group will be interesting. Switzerland must be expected to beat Honduras on tonight's evidence, and Spain will have to work on their finishing against a more credible Chile. It should be fun.


Elsewhere, I was just looking through all the comments coming out of Arsenal after England's first draw against the US, and it's funny to see what Le Boss said:

"But I believe England will qualify easily. I can't imagine that they won't go through. In a World Cup, a draw in the first game is not a bad result."

He couldn't imagine it. Same as not being able to imagine a group of adults throwing a hissy fit and boycotting training? Just as we could not imagine John Terry (Mr ex-Captain, Mr I-Slept-With-My-Best Mate's-Girlfriend) trying the same trick at inciting revolution? The weird and wonderful eh?

I mean (and I hope this is the end of it), let's face it. It's okay to suck. It's okay to play badly. It's okay to choke under pressure. It's okay not to have talent. It's all okay. Footballers are human.

But footballers are also adults, and it's therefore NOT okay to throw hissy fits, not okay to get all worked up after two bad results, not okay to forget that unfortunately, you're supposed to be role models of sorts. God forbid the day my son has a footballer for a role model for anything other than footballing skills.

So I say to the French FA: recall the whole bunch of losers. They have no right to be on that pitch against the hosts. Seems I'm on the right page as the French Sports Minister. Words used: morale disaster; no longer heroes for our children; destroyed the dreams of our countrymen; tarnished the image of France.

Exactement, Madame le Ministre. But judging from the scale of the issues at hand, not sure where she's going to start, really.

To the English FA: keep a close eye on that, and reign in that twit of an ex-Captain.

Let me close with a quote:

"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone."

Or more accurately, the French and English training camps...

WC: Paraguay, New Zealand, Brazil

Early afternoon fare today was kinda crap. Unlike Denmark and Cameroon, who at least served up some unexpectedly interesting stuff, the likes of Paraguay and Slovakia simply served up a dud. Yes, it was 2-0 to Paraguay, but that just summed up all that happened. Really pedestrian stuff, littered with amateurish stuff.

All was made up for though, with New Zealand. Simply outstanding! Forget the one-worded Portugese names, the Kiwis have got Ryan Nelsen. If it weren't for the fact that he's like semi-geriatric, I'd say sign him up! Of course, there's the little issue of him playing for...of all people...Blackburn Rovers, so that sucks. It wasn't just Nelsen. I kind liked that Winston Reid dude too. An overall remarkable defending job they put it. They put in 101%, and that has been a rare commodity thus far as far as the bigger lights are concerned.

Let's get something straight though. Italy weren't exactly hot stuff, and have laboured though their first two games. But I won't be putting them in the same category as the likes of England. At least the Italians showed some desire, some interest, and provided some general idea of talent. They should get through all in all, and then who knows. They may just do a 1982 on us, and go further than we think.

As for Brazil - Ivory Coast, what can one say? As far as the game was concerned, a rather dull, ponderous first half was barely salvaged by a pretty Luis Fabiano goal. The Ivorians were bad, and Brazil hardly much better apart from the work leading up to the goal. Mercy be to God, the second half was much better.

Funny thing though. We've already seen some weird, crappy refereeing this past week, and the decision (or lack thereof) that led to Fabiano's second goal takes the cake. The man handled to ball twice. TWICE, in the lead up to the goal. So the (French) ref doesn't see both instances. Or so we think. For some reason, TV cameras zoom onto the ref running back to the centre circle, all smiles with Fabiano (who else?), pointing to his arm (yes!), then smiles again, and points to his chest. What the hell was said? Wonder what the Ivorian FA's gonna make of it too. Geez.

So it's 2-0, then three following good work - at last - from Kaka who dishes the goal out for Elano on a plate. Fidier Frogba makes it 3-1, but it's rather academic.

Final point on the game. It brought out the most irritating and sickening of professional football. The niggly tackles, sly elbows, over-the-top theatrics, the works. In short, it was pathetic. Shame on the Brazilians - Kaka no less, in getting sent off, and shame on the Ivorians too. Get on with the damn football, why don't you. (I love it when I get to sound all high and mighty!).

Off the pitch, you just can't get enough of the news from the French team, looks like. I suppose that's going to be one of the few downsides of having them eliminated at the Group Stage. No more bitching, whining, etc etc.

Anelka has been sent back, Captain Patrice is talking about traitors in the dressing room leaking information to the media, purging them from the team, etc, all cloak and dagger stuff, and the team is now refusing to train, coaches resigning on the spot, etc. Really nice.

Is it me or is it all Mean Girls sorta crap? Can't really see a better cast than the current French team for a sequal. You've got them all, Domenech, Gallas, Henry, Evra, Anelka, Gourcuff, Malouda - it's just full of them! Look out for it: Mean Girls II: EURO 2012.

It's all a travesty, I say. I mean, pardonnez moi, but it really is a #$&%! joke! It must be sad enough being French today, and cheering on your national team, so I shan't rub it in. Just wonder what Paddy Vieira thinks, with him sitting in on ITV's studios watching this rubbish. Good for him he didn't make the squad.

Oh yeah, speaking of drama, Invisible Man has since apologised for his remarks to England fans in South Africa. Blame it all on the heat of the moment, disappointment, whatever. All I can say to you poor ole England fans: you reap what you sow, and you've been sowing that Wayne Rooney for the longest time.

"Why do you build me up, Buttercup, baby

Just to let me down, and mess me around..."

It's really funny isn't it? Twilight Zone-ish. One moment, ole Fabio is also the messiah, sent to deliver the World Cup to England (or England to the World Cup), and two weeks later, he's on the verge of resignation following all sorts of pseudo-French talk of dressing room disharmony. I'm sure the Brazilians, and most of all Diego Maradona are sniggering and tittering themselves to sleep every night in South Africa. What perfect way to keep to their little task of really trying to win the damn thing.

I've also been watching some of the England highlights so far, and I must say, this is about as exciting (and entertaining) an England match is ever going to get. That Lego England goalie looks a tad more convincing than Rob Green, in fact. Classic:

So there we have it. More fun to come tomorrow in the form of North Korea, Switzerland and Spain. Woo hoo!

WC Review: Holland, Australia, Denmark

Holland 1 - Japan 0. Not the most convincing of displays, but they got the job done. Which is much much more than can be said about Spain, England, Germany, the works. Getting through the group stages has always about doing just what's necessary, not peaking too quickly, and not getting too many people booked and suspended. I think Holland got that done just right.

One other thing I have to say about the Dutch team. Isn't it nice once in a while to see the players run in as the first starting team in numbers 1-11? (Granted, #11 Robben was out, and #23 van der Vaart was on). Don't know about you, but it's a nice throw back to the earlier days, when things were that much simpler!

As for Australia, what can you say? You gotta feel for them. 1-0 up after 10, 11 minutes, and looking solid against an unambitious Ghana. As has happened a few times so far in these World Cups, everything changes with a bit of arse luck. The ball is whacked straight at Harry Kewell, there's little he could do in getting out of the ball's way. Ball makes contact with hand, on the line, preventing the goal, and it's a red card. Penalty converted, 1-1, 10 men, and you start to feel like the worst is yet to come.

To the footballeroos' credit, they hung in there, hung in there, and could even have snatched a victory. As the table is now set up, though, it looks like boys will be headed back down under soon enough. Of course, there is the possibility of them beating Serbia, and then Ghana beating Germany on the final day to get through. On tonight's performance, I don't see how Ghana can get anything. But you never know, I suppose.

The last game of the day - Denmark - Cameroon, was, in all reality, not really meant to be the marquee game. But hell, it turned out to be a real cracker! The first half was all defensive mistakes, great chances, only for the half to end at 1-1 after Bent Nick scored Arsenal's first World Cup goal to equalise after a comical first Eto'o goal. Nice undertones of Arsenal all through that goal, methinks!

The second half was, well, more of the same - chances galore, missed chances, action all over the place (more so for Cameroon), and a peachy goal for Rommedahl which sealed it. Just brilliant, and I'm chuffed for Denmark.

It's a nice little day for Holland, now having qualified, and sets up the final day of Japan-Denmark really nicely. Winner takes all. How nice. As for Holland, while there will surely be the temptation to field the second team, there is still the #1 place to play for. Actually, looking at the goal difference, even losing would probably be enough for top spot. What a nice position to be in! AND, not having really played that well too. Sweet.

As for Cameroon...what can you say? Proper finishing on the day, and they would've done enough. It was incredible the chances they had. All in all, they're now the first team to be eliminated from the World Cup. Who would've thought. Good thing is that: (a) Song's gonna get some rest, and (b) no more having to watch two Spurs players in the same team!

Note to Paul le Guen: work on the bloody finishing, man.

Other things elsewhere as well. I must say. Even if the French were beyond crap, I am rather thankful that the most detestable of the lot did give me the privilege of learning a new French phrase:

"Va te faire enculer, sale fils de pute!"

Mmmmm. Yummy. It's translated by soccernet.com as "go screw yourself, you dirty son of a whore!" But c'mon - who out there will not say that the French version just sounds so poetic. Beautiful even. The English does not do it justice. Doesn't really flow off the tongue, to say the least. I can only think of Chinese/Hokkien being as poetic with such a profanity. But, for lack of anything else, thanks, Nicolas!

Now you can bugger off and go be vaguely happy once again with the other bunch of foul-mouthed cretins at Stamford Bridge. (If he does get an early ticket home - wonder if he pays his own way back?). I can never fathom it - turning up like a foul-mouthed, ill-disciplined brat while playing for your country. Why show up even? He could've done a Wayne Bridge and screwed ole Domenech over without going through the trouble of flying to South Africa.

Finally, a prediction for the winner of the World Cup. No, why not for the four semi-finalists. After having witnessed more tight-shirted types in Cameroon, I'm putting my money down that none of the four semi-finalists will be so attired. These tight shirts are just for the poser wannabes. See: France. Pffft. And now Cameroon.

More tomorrow. A few juicy ties out there. And I'm talking New Zealand!

WC Review: Germany, the US and England

Let's do this chronologically. First, Germany. This World Cup's just starting to throw up a few surprises eh? I mean, is there some kind of Franco-German-Spanish thing going on where they contrive to do the lemming thing and throw themselves off cliffs? Well, okay. The French are in a total league of their own in this regard, having already crashed onto the craggy rocks under the cliff. Germany? Well, somehow, they managed to let this slip. Missed penalty, missed chances, silly red card, the works. This is probably just a little slip, all in all, but it's funny how for the next 24 hours, Australia seems back in the thick of things!

More important than the slip itself, can someone, anyone, please tell the Germans and Joachim Low that the matching outfits with his assistant, especially with the jumper/t-shirt ensemble, just doesn't work! I'm caught on TV with my male "assistant" wearing the same matching outfits, my wife's gonna rightly walk out on me man! I'd have have thought the Germans of all people would've known better! But you never know, I suppose. Low must've had such a smashing time matching wardrobes with Klinsmann in 2006...

So it'll go to the last day in Group D. Who would've thought. All Australia need to do now is beat Ghana, and then it'll REALLY get interesting. Go Socceroos!! Actually, it should be Footballeroos.

As some may know, I have a little soft spot for the poor little rich men of the US of A. But when they went down 2-0, I was like...oh well, they looked naive enough, just not quite there, if they could get turned over so easily by the Slovenians in the first half. This was Slovenia! There are twice as many people in Alabama than there are Slovenians. So there we were half time, kinda downbeat, and recognising the reality.

But lo and behold. Who else. Landon Donovan. Then an excellent goal by Michael Bradley, and suddenly, the impossible was on the cards. It happened, actually. Only for the most pathetic refereeing decision so far this World Cup. Perfect goal, disallowed, for reasons even god wouldn't know. 2-2 then, and with a certain other result last night, things look kinda interesting for Group C.

Group C: Made interesting by England. They're kinda intent on doing a pretty accurate French impersonation eh? I mean, I'm sure there'll be all sorts of headlines in the good ole English tabloids , ranging from anger, disappointment, disbelief, the usual hand-wringing, but I wonder if there'll be one that just says: "Oh well, let's not kid ourselves. We did expect this didn't we?" The nice people of England, their media and all (not to mention the sniggering bet shops) have in the last months whipped them up into a frenzy, only for reality to bite. Hard. I'm sorry, I've got to snigger as well.

As with their last game against the US, Pride of the Nation, Hope of a Generation Wayne Rooney did his best Mr Invisible impersonation, Frank Lampard looked on the verge of tears on those few occasions the camera zoomed in on him and Steve Gerrard looked the only one intent on putting in a good show (if only to get himself a good post-Pool contract). But we should look on the bright side. David James put in a good show - clean sheet man! Even looked convincing. If David James stands out in your team, you know you're in deep shit though.

You've got to love England and their supporters. All frenzied, all whipped up, all expectant, and after 90 minutes, you have them booing (rightly) and Rooney whining about them booing. Priceless. I mean, booing would be the least I would do. You pay through your teeth to get to South Africa, follow these twits around for a week or so, and then to have them potter about and let down a nation? Booing? Make Rooney pay for his airfare and accommodation and he might understand. Twit. Utter Twit.

With the so-called bigger lights slipping up of late, Spain, Germany, France...okay, not France, now England, you've got to watch out for my own favourites - Holland.

Can't wait. More later then. Ciao.

Exclusive Interview: Xavi Hernandez

Ashburton Arsewiping's Arsewiper had the opportunity to sit down with Spanish dynamo, heartbeat of the team, the best friggin' thing since paella, Xavi Hernandez, the day after the Spanish capitulation to Switzerland. The exclusive interview follows:

================================================

Arsewiper: Xavi, how are you feeling? What are your thoughts on the game?

Xavi Hernandez (XH): It is full of pain, you know? I don't like to looth. Loothing is always very painful. But loothing to Switzerland is...how you say...many more painful.

Arsewiper: Why?

XH: Why? Why you must ask why? If you looth to Brathil, is okay, you know? But Switzerland? Is very difficult. When I am little boy, in escuela, I no learn many things, yes. But I also no learn about this country suiza, you know? What is suiza? When I see this word "Swiss", I am thinking, it is only brand for cuchillos, you know? Is very difficult. It is not football team.

Arsewiper: Er...okay. But now you know where Switzerland is right? They are a real football team!

XH: Yes, yes, of course. It is country near Turkey, no. They have many players with name like Derdiyok and Yakin, yes? Mmmm...

But they also have many player with other name, no? Sorry, I am, how you say...confundido?

Arsewiper: Confused?

XH: Yes, yes. Gràcies

Arsewiper: Xavi, you know we write about Arsenal right?

XH: Yes, when I see that word "arth", I know it is Arthanal.

Arsewiper: We have to ask you, you're always talking about Cesc Fabregas. We've been hearing many things coming out of Barcelona about Cesc. Butwe want the truth. What do you really think about Cesc?

XH: Oh, we all like Cesc very very much. We love him. All of us in Bartha, we love him, very very much. I know he is in Arthanal now, but he is from Bartha, you know? He must come back.

Arsewiper: Why?

XH: I tell you why. There is this song, no? How you say? If you love somebody...set them free?

Arsewiper: What?

XH: Yes, you must let him come back to Bartha?

Arsewiper: Why?

XH: Because we love him. Very much.

Arsewiper: How much?

XH: Very very much. It is special you know?

Arsewiper: Tell me.

XH: Okay, I tell you. Only to help you understand, okay? You will not say this in the diario, no?

Arsewiper: I am not diario.

XH: Okay. You see. We like him so much. Sometime, when we play together with Spain, it is special. I like best the time in the...how do you say...room for changing? After the game?

Arsewiper: Yes............

XH: Yes, when we see him, you know...Andres, Carles, Sergio and me of course...when we see him in the...

Arsewiper: Changing room?

XH: Yes, we get really happy. You understand? Very happy. Excitado? Yes?

Arsewiper: No, I don't understand.

XH: Is like in Barca, after football game, when we are in the...changing room, especially in the bathing tub? We are all nus, and is very nice. We are always wishing Cesc is there with us.

Arsewiper: Okay...

XH: You want to listen to more? Really, Cesc is in our blood - the Barca blood, and we are also in Cesc. He must come to us. Since he is young boy, since we are all little boys, we have been playing with each other...

Arsewiper: Okay, really, thank you. Thank you, Xavi. Thank you. I think we'd had enough of Cesc. So who's going to win the World Cup?

XH: Who is going to win? Of course Espanya! Is always me, Andres, Carles, we win everything. Even in the Lliga de Campions, we are winning. We are Campions! Always!

Arsewiper: Er, Xavi, I think you lost to Inter in the semi-finals.

XH: No, no, is not possible. We win. We always winning. We are Barca. There is only winning for Barca. Loothing is not possible.

Arsewiper: Okay, thank you, Xavi. Thank you for your time.

XH: My pleasure. Thank you. But really, we are not loothing, is not possible. You remember, okay?

Arsewiper: Okay.

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious, as is their purported goal of bringing Cesc Fabregas to Barcelona. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, stupid or not, is purely coincidental.

WC Review: France, Argentina, Greece (?)

Before we get to the World Cup, a little bit of important Arse news first. As we all know by now, the new fixture list for the 2010/11 season has just been released. Cracker of an opening game, I tell you - Liverpool v Arsenal.

Not a bad time to play them at all, I'd say. The club's in a shambles, Torres will be shattered by an ineffective World Cup, Cesc will be well rested after being used for only half an hour for all of Spain's 3 World Cup games, and we'll have Marouane Chamakh scoring on his Arsenal debut. Nice!

As far as the other fixtures go, we'll have a tricky first home game against new boys Blackpool after that. Playing the new boys so soon can potentially be a banana skin, what with them on a high, and subject to the usual adrenaline-induced super-performances. But we'll see. I'm glad we'll get Chelski out the way sooner rather than later this time - with both ties out of the way by Christmas or so.

All in all, it's a nice balanced fixture list. None of that concentration of key games right at the end. We can possibly get a good start, and should hopefully be in a nice place by the time we play Man U at home (!) on 30 April.

Now I'm going to have to look into my travel-related arrangements in August...

Speaking of which, wonder if I should start making May plans for a Champions League final at Wembley. Knowing the English FA, they'll probably have a U2 concert on the pitch 3 days before the game, and a rugby game the week before. Looks like the Champions League final's going to be played on a muddy-cow patch with extra lines on. Or of course, they can just put on another pathetic new patch of grass as always.

Elsewhere, I've also been trawling the internet for photos (don't get any funny ideas)...photos of any of Xavi, Iniesta, Puyol, etc etc, after the Switzerland game. Anything - with their gobs in tears, shock, the works. Crying would be best of course, though I suspect those would not exist. Would love to have something like that brighten up this rather drab-looking blog. Anyone out there with a clue?

So to the games. And France first and foremost. France. I expected them to be crap. I did. I even put in a bet for a drab draw, but this? That 2-0 loss to Mexico? Shit. That so sucked, it reached new depths of suckiness. Sarkozy should just declare a national day of shame tomorrow and get it over and done with. Crikey. If I were French, you know who I'd want to be? Samir Nasri. One of only two Frenchmen free from the shame of it all. The other? Karim Benzema. Oh, of course, there's Clichy too.

I mean, the only thing that miserable bunch did reasonably well was sing the Marseillaise. There was even a hint of desire and dedication in their singing, right? But shiver me timbers, you throw in a ball and a little bit of running around, it became downright disgraceful. Unfortunately, North Korea had to be drawn with the likes of Brazil. Would've so loved to see them give the spandex-wearing Bleus a real kick up the khyber.

But, but, but, let it be said: you did read on this blog that we should watch for France getting booted out without scoring a single goal in the group stages? We're nearly there!

And South Korea? They let me down man. Put in another bet there too, for them to put up a bit of a fight and go down 1-0. Bu 4-1? That was bad too. The defending was decidedly un-Korean. But I have to say, Argentina were something else. Getting into form like they did at this stage in 2006. We can only wait and see if they keep it up this time.

Speaking of South Korea - there was that story about condom sales sky-rocketing after the Greek win? Sounds right, but a few questions remain: (a) What do they do now, after that limp performance against Argentina? (b) Who were they used with in the first place? Can't imagine men jumping on their poor football widows after making them sit through 90 minutes of football. (c) Can they send some over to their northern brethren? I'm sure they'll find some reason for celebrating - if not already. They've been up to it so far. (d) Says alot about Korean discipline ultimately. Going wild with celebrations, but making sure they pop into the pharmacy for protection...Well done!

Finally, Greece and Nigeria. I wonder whether there's a term in Nigeria akin to "shot yourself in the foot". Best time as ever to invent one if not.

Too tired. Transcribing an exclusive interview with Xavi Hernandez. Stay tuned.

G'night.

WC Review: Spain, Spain, Spain!!

Oh man, oh man, oh man. I have never been so happy losing a bit of money, never been so happy with a team losing, never been so happy in a country that has witnessed something historic.


Spain - the team of half Barca-pains-in-the-arses, the team of beautiful football, of that confidence and arrogance of a team that believes it has already won before the first kick - would lose, to Switzerland. Switzerland, the country which while they love their nati, don't really take their football THAT seriously. Afterall, methinks they take their football less seriously than Xavi takes himself. Wonder how it feels for Xavi, Puyol, Iniesta, Pique, Busquets and Villa to lose to a team that takes ice-hockey, walking, cows and Nespresso more seriously than them. (Question: apart from North Korea, I wonder if there's any other national team out there that boasts more than half of the team from just one club. Answer: Probably none. Conclusion: North Korea still are that much more likeable).


It's just brilliant. I'm going out and buying a Swiss football jersey tomorrow.


So let's look at the stats. Spain: total dominance. Spain: 25 shots on goal. Spain: with all the hot-shot players of a golden generation. Spain: losers. To Switzerland. I just can't get enough!


I mean, this just opens up Group H then. Switzerland on three points with Chile and Honduras to play, should get through with just a win over Honduras. Keep your eye on the ball, and it should be fine. Chile, with a draw against Switzerland and finally against Spain, should get through too. And who doesn't? Spain! I just can't get enough! No clues for who I'm supporting when that Spain-Chile tie comes around.


As far as the Swiss performance was concerned, it was quite amazing. Yes, they did put Italy to the sword in their last friendly, but there was no clue to their defensive stability. But more than that, all I can put it down to is crap finishing. Spain played the beautiful game, right up to the final third, but when it came to it, fired blanks. It was like Arsenal redux in our worst nightmare! Don't you just love it when graft wins over arrogant swaggering?


Why did Spain lose then? Wastefulness? Arse luck? Switzerland's defensive tactics? Perhaps. But you know what I think? Bad karma man! A team is a sum of its parts, and unfortunately, it's almost all Barca. And Barca? They've had it coming for a long long time, thinking they're above the game. See what happened with Inter? Let's hope we see more of today. NB: I was kinda hoping the camera would zoom in on the crying Xavis, Iniestas, Puyols and all, but alas, no such joy.

So what else is there to talk about? Oh yeah, a word on jerseys. What is it about this new thing of ultra tight jerseys? Isn't that like a 70s thing - which had the short shorts to go along as well? (See: Gerd Muller). Anyway, you know what I'm talking about. I kinda thought it was a brand thing initially. Nike, with their normal, conservative, but athletic and traditional look to things - i.e. Holland, Portugal, the US. Then there's Puma, which is the worse culprit when it comes to ultra-tight, nipple-revealing shirts. See: Ivory Coast, Italy, Cameroon...get the drift? When it comes to Adidas, it's a bit of a mixed bag. You have the French, who have perfected the art of looking daft in their shirts two sizes too small, while at the same time, you have the rather decent and spiffy looking Germans.

So what is it? I say it's a national thing - whether everyone takes the size they should wear, or go one down. It's says a lot - France, Italy, Ivory Coast types: nipples, good. Six-pack (or lack thereof): good; and the conservative types opting not. I mean - what more stupid image can there be of Nicolas Anelka skulking, sulking, moping around in a faux swim suit on a football pitch? The French should think about this just as much as Raymond Domenech. Les Blues may think they're doing a Russell Crowe/Gladiator thing, but they're looking more like Zoolander, I'm afraid.

Of course, then there's the England jersey. Wannabe throw back to the 60s' kinda look, I'll say. And we all know where that's coming from. Whatever it takes, I suppose.

There's been a lot said about Australia these days, and their chances of scoring a goal, getting a point, getting past the group stage, whatever. But I think I know what they need to do. Get creative with the names, I say! I mean, really, no offense, but no Brazilian, Spanish, Argentinian or German is going to be anywhere intimidated intimidated by Scott Chipperfield, David Carney, Mike Milligan, Josh Kennedy, Brett Holman, Jason Culina or Luke Wilkshire on the back of the Australian shirt.

Try one of those one word names instead: Celçao, Carlito, Miliesta, Kéké, Holsão, Culinho or Lucas. What's the harm? It works, I tell you. Your chances of winning the World Cup rise quite quite substantially if you have a one-word, Portugese or Spanish sounding name on your shirt.

Ahhh...that's enough for today then. There's the little thing of South Africa-Uruguay in a few minutes. Can't believe we're already six days in. You gotta love the World Cup.

WC Review: New Zealand, Portugal, North Korea

My story of the day. Well, two stories of the day: New Zealand's last-gasp winner, but more than that, North Korea.

What can you say about the North Koreans? Sure, they lost in the end, but that was the most professional, determined and worthy proponents of the values of sportsmanship and "Respect" that I've seen in a long long time. If ever. You know what struck me most about the game? Besides the fact that they managed to snuff out the best of Brazil for 55 minutes through sheer graft? Besides the fact that the World #1 needed a flukey first goal, and let in a scorcher of a consolation? I'll tell you what: the sheer absence of whinging, whining, theatrics, diving, expletives, invisible card-waving - you know what I mean. It was just brilliant, watching a football game and not have to see any of that. I loved it, and hats off to the North Koreans for allowing us that privilege.

One more thing: there was not a single North Korean injury worthy of anyone getting on the ground till minute 67. Just amazing. Of course, the fact that the North Koreans were who they were also brought out the best in Brazil. It was a nice change of sportsmanship, hand-shaking and mutual respect.

The fact that the game came after watching Portugal v Ivory Coast was really quite poetic, where you had the best of Ronaldo, all sorts of diving, expletives - you name it. The fact that the game ended goalless was academic. Neither team wanted to lose, and seemed content to let their games with Brazil decide their fates. Such an approach would of course predicate a win for both over North Korea. No guarantee, I'll say. Can't wait to watch Ronaldo come up against my new North Korean friends.

Finally - New Zealand. You gotta feel really happy for them. First point ever in the World Cup, and what a way to get it. Wonder what the odds were for the All Whites getting a higher points return than Australia, before things started. Whatever the case, well worth a bet right now!!

One for the road. My next bet, and a rather frivolous one (which I can afford now): Spain to win 3-0 against the Swiss. Check it out. Ciao.

WC Review: Germany, Holland, Italy

I know nobody in hell's going to believe, but with Holland's 2-0 win over Denmark, the ole Arsewiper's now 3 for 3 in his bets, keeping up the 100% record. What makes this one much sweeter is that the bet was on the specific 2-0 scoreline. I'm chuffed! So don't believe me. So long as the guy at the counter cashes in my chit.

Elsewhere, last night was pretty sad viewing. Australia were in it for the first 5 minutes or so, but after that, it was simply a case of being in a different league altogether. A different night in their finishing, and Germany could've run away with 6 or 7. A word though, for the Mexican referee. He seemed to have a generally decent game all round, but the decision to send Tim Cahill for his challenge was a total travesty. Absolutely ridiculous, it may have been an iffy yellow, but red was total stupidity. If there's anything worthy of a challenge at arbitration, this would be it.

So Germany were impressive, but that had as much to do with Australia being out of their league than Germany being that great. Sure, as of now, Germany's performance I'd say trumps that of Argentina, but it's early days yet.

As far as Holland went, well, the first half was pretty much yawn-yawn. Denmark defending really well, limiting their ambitions going forward, and everyone at second gear in the mid-day heat. Being behind the Dutch this time round though, I'd have to say the relatively slow start - 2-0 all things considered - ain't necessarily a bad thing. They've come into the finals on incredible form, so to have to take time getting into form is just the thing to get them into the right strides later on.

RVP had some flashes of his usual brilliance, but again, not his best. Methinks the best of Sneijder, RVP and Robben is yet to come.

As for Italy, well, Italy was Italy. Basically showed why really they won't be defending their title. Utterly unconvincing, stirred into action only when really necessary, and otherwise pretty much yawn-inducing.

One thing before we get to the final point. Seems like Captain Patrice Evra has figured out why they're so crap. It's the vuvuzuelas, you see. First, they keep them up at night (wonder what time's lights out for the boys), and secondly, they can't like, communicate with each other on the pitch. Poor things. And I was really wondering what was up with them. Thanks, Patrice.

Another things on the stadiums. Was it me or have there been quite a few sadly empty stadiums? I mean, the game between Japan and Cameroon was already played at one of the smaller stadiums - with the Free State Stadium listed as being 45,000. But shit, it seems something like 31,000 showed up. That's two-thirds full. For a World Cup. Involving an African country. Something not quite right if you asked me. But who am I to say. Arsewiper that I am.

It's been the same for quite a few games. Fingers crossed for some of the so-called lesser marquee games. I hope the likes of New Zealand, Slovakia, Chile, Costa Rica and Honduras get a decent-enough crowd worthy of a World Cup. But hey - as far as the authorities are concerned, as least they'll get the vuvuzuelas right?

Finally (and thanks to Arsewiping reader Kumar for this), if there was any doubt why Adebayor isn't an Arsenal player, this is it. You can sorta understand how the BBC managed to get him as a "pundit"....What a joke.

"You know boy, we've got to get ourselves an African. This is, after all, South Africa. No good having Gary with Alan, Lee and the usual bunch pretending like we're in jolly London, is there??"

"Yes sir, good idea, Sir."

"Well?"

"Er, Didier Drogba, Sir!!"

"Don't be an idiot, boy. He's supposed to be playing! Ivory Coast, remember!?!? Think of someone our viewership could relate to. One of our teams, or the better foreign ones. Come on..."

"Oh, yes, sir. Eboue? Toure? There're two Toures too! Or...Eto'o..."

"They're ALL playing, you fool! Let me help you...let's see..Togo maybe."

"But...what's Togo? Togo where?"

"I've got it. That guy. With the hair, can't really talk properly, but takes payment for just about anything..."

"That would be Emmanuel Adebayor, Sir."

"Exactly. Get him. Just chuck him a couple of quid. Maybe 5. I'm sure he'll take it. He won't be doing anything else anyway."

So the BBC got their hands on Adebayor. What a professional he is. On and off the pitch.

WC Review: England, Korea and Argentina

Before I say anything, let me gloat again that it's now 2 wins in 2 bets for the Arsewiper - thanks to the only draw in the day's three games. Just brilliant. Still 100%, and I haven't really thought about where else to put my money in the next games. Nothing really stands out just yet from the cold-blooded gambling point of view...

Anyways, England. Ah, England. The joys ye bring to those who would like to see ye squirm. What larks, Rob Green! All in all though, one point would not be something that England will say that they did not deserve. Apart from the two goals, you could say that the two teams were pretty evenly match. Says alot about England that Emile Heskey would be their man of the match, who really had a much better first half than second. But then again, for all his good centre-forward play, he was caught off-side on too many occasions, and showed why this striker does most things well except score goals when he shot straight at Tim Howard when straight through on goal.

So while the English commentary team were expectedly gushing about Heskey, they were strangely silent about a totally anonymous Wayne Rooney and Frank Lampard. I suppose that what you call selective commentary aimed at not inflaming an already inflammable and fickle English public and media. That too could be said of their treatment of Rob Green. God bless him. That fumble, and the next save he makes and the commentary team yells out: "Redemption!!" Someone out there remind them about chickens, hatching and counting...

As for the US, a pretty decent performance too, and they do deserve some credit for not folding after Gerrard's early goal. But I must say, the more I see of Clint Dempsey, the more I want to see him in an Arsenal shirt. The man's everywhere! Scores goals, and he's pretty indestructible too. The kind of challenges he went through...damn, put him in a Spanish or Argentinian shirt and he'd be rolling about in deathly spasms. But he just shrugs them off, and gets going again.

Oh yeah, word too for Landon Donovan. As I've said before, give that man an Arsenal shirt too.

While much can be said about the US team, you gotta say that their players upfront kinda suck. Jozy Altidore (Hull City!!) ain't exactly going to be scaring the likes of the world's best centre-halves. A better strikeforce, and they might have won this game...

With Algeria and Slovenia lying in wait, you'd still expect both teams to get through. The question's gotta be who finishes top. No guarantees on England there, methinks.

Elsewhere, Korea did the deed pretty routinely over an utterly dismal Greek team. I mean, that had to be one of the worst performances I've seen in any World Cup of recent memory. Geez. Looks like they're going to be the whipping boys over the next two weeks, so let's see what Argentina does to them. You have to like the Koreans' chances too though. Pretty impressive. One point from Nigeria should see them through now. As for Argentina - what can you say? You so wanted Nigeria to punish them for not putting them away, and on quite a few occasions, it could've happened. For all the talent out there in front in Tevez, Messi, Higuain et al - they didn't go too much really. But there's probably more in them going forward...or hopefully not.

Ciao then. Not the most riveting games on Sunday unfortunately, save for Germans coming up against the Aussies. Should be interesting viewing at least.

WC Review: Uruguay 0 - France 0

The Arsewiper's first bet - on a draw, and a first win. That's a friggin' 100% record man. Check it out! Now for that bet on a draw for England - USA to work out too.

As for the match itself, let's just say player for player, France again showed that they had the talent to win the game easy peasy lemon squeezy. But they had the manager to muck things up, and the cohesion as strong as...well, France. Lloris had little to do, Sagna his usual best, Gallas and Abidal average-ish, Gourcuff decent, Diaby a monster, but thereafter...what horrors. Ribery was nowhere, Anelka was at his sulkiest most irrelevant best, and Govou was indescribably irrelevant. Besides that, there's little of a review to do actually - much ado about nothing, with France barely testing Uruguay's Muslera despite their possession. For all that was on display on the pitch, you had to wonder how the likes of Nasri and Benzema could have been left off the plane.

Diaby. What can you say. It just gives you a certain pride - when you see a team of rather indifferent, some undermotivated professionals making a mockery of their talent - you also see one or two exemplary performances. Diaby showed just what he has been capable of, so here's hoping he'll put in two more games like this. Should do his confidence a world of good in the new season. On that same note - Sagna too.

A few words though, for Uruguay. First, Forlan. Methinks by the next game, he'll click with Suarez, and there should be at least a goal or two between them. Looked the most dangerous forward between both teams, and did a decent job tracking back as well. Second, what can you say about a twit like Lodeiro. Comes on at 65 mins. Gets booked a minute later for something stupid like kicking a ball away or something, and 15 minutes later, gets sent off. Just genius. By that time, though, I knew my bet was won. With France looking increasingly clueless, there didn't seem any chance of them making their possession pay - especially with Uruguay content with the point.

So where to? Can't see France scoring really. And Uruguay looks a decent bet to get through. Played mediocre, but got their point. They should get something against either Mexico or South Africa, so I could just get the predictions right. But we've got a long way to go. Especially France, on that flight back to Paris!

WC Review: South Africa 1 - Mexico 1

First off, this one goes out to all out there at the office. You know who you are.

You know, there's nothing quite like watching a football game with your friends at the office. Better yet if they're all women. You bet. The questions, comments, suggestions - just out of this world, man:

"Do you think they'd be allowed to wear a watch?"

"Er...why the heck would they want to wear a watch?"

"Well, it were me, I'd like really want to know how much time there is left to play..."

Mmmm. Yes.

"Hey, he's a cutie..."

"Hmm. Yes. That's Carlos Vela. Plays for Arsenal too."

"Ahhhh......"

"Oohh...why's his shirt so tight??"

Anyway, you get the drift. Well, at least there was the added commentary, which helped mitigate against those vuvuzuelas and the French commentary. I think I could tolerate the "attention!", "attention!" every other 2 minutes, or the "corNERRRs", but the vuvuzuelas... What can you say. There's been enough said about it, and FIFA have decided they're here to stay. Maybe one option is to use the mute button as we all know, and then turn on the radio. Methinks the radio commentary would probably tune out a little bit more of those damn giant mosquitoes.

As for the match itself. Typical opening match between two not-so-big-favourites. Ultimately content with one point. Mexico clearly should been at least two up by half time; and of course, somewhere along the line after Mexico's relentless pressure, smart-ass Arsewiper tells his lady colleagues at the office: "Just you watch. South Africa's going to score..."

And so they did. Mexico comes out after half time a totally different crap team, and South Africa are made to look that much better. I mean, Tshabalala scored. You gotta love his name, if not the team. Tshabalala! It's just so Shanana. Would've loved listening to the South African commentary at this point... "TSHABALALA! TSHABALALA! TSHABALALA! TSHABALALA!"

Anyhows, Mexico look crapper and crapper as the game goes by, not doing very much with their possession, and off goes Vela for his grandfather, Blanco. Poor geriatric dude. (By now, the added female commentary's on how geriatric Blanco looks compared to Giovani Dos Santos).

So despite the odds, I'm willing Mexico on at this point. Yeah, I don't think on the night South Africa would've deserved the 3 points. And their goal celebrations were, to say the least, just the type of celebrations that would look extra stupid after conceding an equaliser. Guess who equalises then? I actually did a "yay!!", only to realise that it was Rafael Marquez. Damn Barca Marquez. My hex on all things Barca this World Cup didn't last long then, did it?

All in all, a rather ordinary match that was. Not the best standard of play, rather ordinary, slow pitch and some pretty bad defending - see the chance where MPHELA (capitalised for Mphasis) strolls past two Mexican defenders chasing for a long ball, gets his toe to it, only to hit the post.

Not impressed by either. The Arsewiper had predicted South Africa/Uruguary to get through from Group A. Will have to watch that review my rather biased prediction. Let's see.

Ciao ciao.