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Arsewiper: Xavi, how are you feeling? What are your thoughts on the game?
Xavi Hernandez (XH): It is full of pain, you know? I don't like to looth. Loothing is always very painful. But loothing to Switzerland is...how you say...many more painful.
Arsewiper: Why?
XH: Why? Why you must ask why? If you looth to Brathil, is okay, you know? But Switzerland? Is very difficult. When I am little boy, in escuela, I no learn many things, yes. But I also no learn about this country suiza, you know? What is suiza? When I see this word "Swiss", I am thinking, it is only brand for cuchillos, you know? Is very difficult. It is not football team.
Arsewiper: Er...okay. But now you know where Switzerland is right? They are a real football team!
XH: Yes, yes, of course. It is country near Turkey, no. They have many players with name like Derdiyok and Yakin, yes? Mmmm...
But they also have many player with other name, no? Sorry, I am, how you say...confundido?
Arsewiper: Confused?
XH: Yes, yes. Gràcies
Arsewiper: Xavi, you know we write about Arsenal right?
XH: Yes, when I see that word "arth", I know it is Arthanal.
Arsewiper: We have to ask you, you're always talking about Cesc Fabregas. We've been hearing many things coming out of Barcelona about Cesc. Butwe want the truth. What do you really think about Cesc?
XH: Oh, we all like Cesc very very much. We love him. All of us in Bartha, we love him, very very much. I know he is in Arthanal now, but he is from Bartha, you know? He must come back.
Arsewiper: Why?
XH: I tell you why. There is this song, no? How you say? If you love somebody...set them free?
Arsewiper: What?
XH: Yes, you must let him come back to Bartha?
Arsewiper: Why?
XH: Because we love him. Very much.
Arsewiper: How much?
XH: Very very much. It is special you know?
Arsewiper: Tell me.
XH: Okay, I tell you. Only to help you understand, okay? You will not say this in the diario, no?
Arsewiper: I am not diario.
XH: Okay. You see. We like him so much. Sometime, when we play together with Spain, it is special. I like best the time in the...how do you say...room for changing? After the game?
Arsewiper: Yes............
XH: Yes, when we see him, you know...Andres, Carles, Sergio and me of course...when we see him in the...
Arsewiper: Changing room?
XH: Yes, we get really happy. You understand? Very happy. Excitado? Yes?
Arsewiper: No, I don't understand.
XH: Is like in Barca, after football game, when we are in the...changing room, especially in the bathing tub? We are all nus, and is very nice. We are always wishing Cesc is there with us.
Arsewiper: Okay...
XH: You want to listen to more? Really, Cesc is in our blood - the Barca blood, and we are also in Cesc. He must come to us. Since he is young boy, since we are all little boys, we have been playing with each other...
Arsewiper: Okay, really, thank you. Thank you, Xavi. Thank you. I think we'd had enough of Cesc. So who's going to win the World Cup?
XH: Who is going to win? Of course Espanya! Is always me, Andres, Carles, we win everything. Even in the Lliga de Campions, we are winning. We are Campions! Always!
Arsewiper: Er, Xavi, I think you lost to Inter in the semi-finals.
XH: No, no, is not possible. We win. We always winning. We are Barca. There is only winning for Barca. Loothing is not possible.
Arsewiper: Okay, thank you, Xavi. Thank you for your time.
XH: My pleasure. Thank you. But really, we are not loothing, is not possible. You remember, okay?
Arsewiper: Okay.
Xavi Hernandez (XH): It is full of pain, you know? I don't like to looth. Loothing is always very painful. But loothing to Switzerland is...how you say...many more painful.
Arsewiper: Why?
XH: Why? Why you must ask why? If you looth to Brathil, is okay, you know? But Switzerland? Is very difficult. When I am little boy, in escuela, I no learn many things, yes. But I also no learn about this country suiza, you know? What is suiza? When I see this word "Swiss", I am thinking, it is only brand for cuchillos, you know? Is very difficult. It is not football team.
Arsewiper: Er...okay. But now you know where Switzerland is right? They are a real football team!
XH: Yes, yes, of course. It is country near Turkey, no. They have many players with name like Derdiyok and Yakin, yes? Mmmm...
But they also have many player with other name, no? Sorry, I am, how you say...confundido?
Arsewiper: Confused?
XH: Yes, yes. Gràcies
Arsewiper: Xavi, you know we write about Arsenal right?
XH: Yes, when I see that word "arth", I know it is Arthanal.
Arsewiper: We have to ask you, you're always talking about Cesc Fabregas. We've been hearing many things coming out of Barcelona about Cesc. Butwe want the truth. What do you really think about Cesc?
XH: Oh, we all like Cesc very very much. We love him. All of us in Bartha, we love him, very very much. I know he is in Arthanal now, but he is from Bartha, you know? He must come back.
Arsewiper: Why?
XH: I tell you why. There is this song, no? How you say? If you love somebody...set them free?
Arsewiper: What?
XH: Yes, you must let him come back to Bartha?
Arsewiper: Why?
XH: Because we love him. Very much.
Arsewiper: How much?
XH: Very very much. It is special you know?
Arsewiper: Tell me.
XH: Okay, I tell you. Only to help you understand, okay? You will not say this in the diario, no?
Arsewiper: I am not diario.
XH: Okay. You see. We like him so much. Sometime, when we play together with Spain, it is special. I like best the time in the...how do you say...room for changing? After the game?
Arsewiper: Yes............
XH: Yes, when we see him, you know...Andres, Carles, Sergio and me of course...when we see him in the...
Arsewiper: Changing room?
XH: Yes, we get really happy. You understand? Very happy. Excitado? Yes?
Arsewiper: No, I don't understand.
XH: Is like in Barca, after football game, when we are in the...changing room, especially in the bathing tub? We are all nus, and is very nice. We are always wishing Cesc is there with us.
Arsewiper: Okay...
XH: You want to listen to more? Really, Cesc is in our blood - the Barca blood, and we are also in Cesc. He must come to us. Since he is young boy, since we are all little boys, we have been playing with each other...
Arsewiper: Okay, really, thank you. Thank you, Xavi. Thank you. I think we'd had enough of Cesc. So who's going to win the World Cup?
XH: Who is going to win? Of course Espanya! Is always me, Andres, Carles, we win everything. Even in the Lliga de Campions, we are winning. We are Campions! Always!
Arsewiper: Er, Xavi, I think you lost to Inter in the semi-finals.
XH: No, no, is not possible. We win. We always winning. We are Barca. There is only winning for Barca. Loothing is not possible.
Arsewiper: Okay, thank you, Xavi. Thank you for your time.
XH: My pleasure. Thank you. But really, we are not loothing, is not possible. You remember, okay?
Arsewiper: Okay.
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious, as is their purported goal of bringing Cesc Fabregas to Barcelona. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, stupid or not, is purely coincidental.
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