FIFA losing the plot

So, the Arsewiper's back. Sun-tanned (burnt more likey) and wondering what on earth has changed. Looks like nothing, except this little insignificant news of what FIFA has voted on, i.e. their stupid 6+5 rule. Yes, I suppose FIFA are mandated by name to look into matters of football, but it was excellent that the EU came out quite quickly on their take, e.g.:

"It’s a non-starter as far as we’re concerned."

"They can explore as much as they like but a 6-plus-5 rule is against Community legislation."

"We are giving the red card to the 6-plus-5 rule."

Then Mr Stupid Blatter comes out and says: "If there is a law, a law can be amended." Well, apart from it being a totally useless comment (along the lines as saying that anything is possible, I could drop dead tomorrow, etc), Mr Stupid Blatter should consider whether the EU will revise its entire employment legislation for the sake of a bunch of old out-of-touch fogies overseeing the sport of football. Mr Stupid Blatter and his bunch of FIFA representatives should just go kill themselves. If there is a stupid old man, a stupid old man can drop dead too. Me says by the time they start "exploring" this little idea, Mr Stupid Blatter would be lobbying for a 6+5 rule at the pearly gates.

I wonder how the 155-5 vote went. Who were the five? Sounds like one of those North Korean/Myanmar/Saddami Iraq types of votes. Mr Stupid Blatter sure runs a tight ship there. How 155 can vote for what is ultimately a controversial resolution is quite stunning. Narrow-minded nationalistic sentiments still abound, I suppose.

One of the main grouses against foreigners in the EPL has come largely from the sorry state of the English national team. I suppose tomorrow, I should do a quick unscientific look at the English team pre- and post-EPL. It should be interesting.

As for as Arse news is concerned, this whole business with Samir Nasri is beginning to look alot like a bad bad bad case of constipation. One week on, and nothing has happened...yet. There's always hope tomorrow, it seems. Geez.

While one may wonder how on earth the stories of a Cesc departure first came about, it has now become as good as moot. You gotta love these Cesc-ian comments:

"Yes, yes, yes, I stay. I have given my word to the manager.

"He asked me if I wanted to stay. I told me he could trust me 100 per cent.

"Today he asks the team to be united and I am the first one to be by his side."

Ooh...ahh...Cantona, I say. So he's the first to stand up and be counted. Wonder what his other team-mates have to say about that, but who cares!

Finally, there's a little story about us chasing a Welsh goalkeeper. Now, while I would first say that this should make Mr Stupid Blatter happy, I suppose it won't, since his Welsh, and England and Wales are two different countries? Or is the United Kingdom something else. Duh. Sorry. Then Ireland doesn't count, does it?

Time really does stand still on vacation!

So I've been away (and still am away) for a couple of days, and nothing seems to have happened. Talk of Nasri seems to have barely moved, except now that there is yet another suggestion of a definitive move last night. Aaarrrggh! I won't believe until I hear it from Le Boss' mouth. Nothing new on Hleb too, except for this strange little piece on Hleb's first comments on recent happenings. Some quotes:

"I have also read [that I have said I want to leave], but I do not know who has written it. That is nonsense. I have also read that I wanted to move because Arsenal would win nothing, this too is nonsense. But I would really not like to comment on the issue really because there is nothing more to say, because the club means so much to me."

"I have learned so much from Arsene Wenger. This man has always supported me and given me the chance to come to Arsenal. I would therefore never say anything negative about Arsenal.

If I'll go, then only in a different league, in any case, in England, there is only Arsenal for me."

That last line seems slightly out of place. I don't anybody has suggested thus far a move for him to Pompey or Chelski, so who knows. Some nice comments, but they don't make things any clearer.

But what the f--ck. Seems now RVP has come out to talk about our wage structure too. Within this same Guardian article are the usual shite suggestions of a Cesc and Ade departure. This is just toooo tiring to even consider. Yes, Robin, money does make people think twice. Yes, it'd be great if everyone could be paid more. I wish I was paid more. But I think in keeping to our wage structure, it is also a symbolic act of resistance of the ridiculous trends about. Things will move at the club I have no doubt, and salaries will slowly move up. It's just no help that the pressure has been coming from the players.

Finally, the media (again showing exactly why they can't really be trusted with objectivity) are now saying that Captain Fantastic's goal in the friendly against US would go a long way in making the pain of Moscow go away. Yeah, right. Next story, please.

Back to the beach.

You wanna know??? Ask Ade!

Making a pitch here for the BBC putting Ade on air. You get to ask him the questions, so if you've been wondering: "why did you cut your hair?", "why did you stop scoring after your hair cut?", "what the heck was/is the deal with you and Nicklas?", "do you have a crush on Thierry?", "can you talk more slowly?", "can you feel your legs, them being so long and tentacle-y?", "how much more are you getting on your new deal?", "is that enough?", "are you leaving - yes or no, no in-between answers."

Since this is a slow day, I feel compelled to raise Diarra's little hit back at Le Boss. Two choice quotes:

"Why does he not move on? He speaks about me more than when I was there. It's a very strange one."

"Perhaps to lose one French international midfielder may be regarded as misfortune. To lose two looks like carelessness."

Ouch, says Mr Wenger. Oh well. Screw him, the whiner (Diarra, not Mr Wenger). He can't take broken promises looks like. Though I can't imagine what promises were made in the contract:

"Dear Lassana,

I hereby promise you no less than 1500 hours of first-team football, not counting the Carling Cup, for the rest of the season. Even if it means asking Mathieu to f-off to the reserves team, I shall do it. I hope you sign for us. I know you had a hard time at a top-notch team like Chelski, and you must believe us that you will play more at a slightly less top-notch team like Arse. Please, join us and you will play. Your place in EURO 2008 will not be put in jeopardy.

Yours sincerely (and I mean really sincerely),

Arsene"

Alrighty. The Arsewiper will be off for the next five days. Ain't sure whether he'll get any internet access where he's going. He may post some nice beach photos where he's going, but no "promises". He may also still hopefuly be able to keep in touch. Maybe by the time he comes back, we'd have sold the entire team, and bought 15 French players as replacement.

Captain Fantastic - A Tribute, Part III

First off, the last instalment of our tribute to Captain Fantastic. Again, it’s not that I would wish any harm on the man (like a broken metatarsal), but this was a great moment. Eboue’s most effective game of the season, in fact. And in my view, he didn’t even know what he was doing. He may not have scored a single goal over the entire season (shocking), but this little unwitting moment must be worth at least two or three.

But, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I stand today to present to you further evidence of why Chelski are in fact the shittiest club in the history of the Premier League, and the First Division before that. Yes, the Alien/Orc has sadly been sacked. Not as surprising as the sun rising today, but it has nonetheless happened. I present today, the following piece of evidence, Daily Telegraph 1A, which is a good short look into all that is bad with the club. Why he took on the job is beyond me, and why anybody would take it on in the future also defies logic. The only answer is money. Great salary and great payoff when the sack comes.

Until Romano Bloody Bitch goes, I’m afraid Chelski will be nothing more than Gazprom with a football team, with no values, dignity and commitment to the sport, other than winning games and trophies. If that’s all Chelski fans want, then of course, it’s their choice. I’m just glad that ours is a club (management) that has the right commitments to fans, players, and the long-term development of the club. Let’s ask ourselves this simple question: would we exchange Romano Bloody Bitch and the trophies that Chelski has won for what has been called our years of fallow? Hell no, I say. I’d rather finish second (or third) anytime, and have a team that is composed of more than just mercenary players and managers, playing the game for their all powerful paymaster. How anybody can put on that blood-tainted, money-grabbing blue shirt I don't know. I feel sick already. Samsung should be ashamed.

Oh yeah, there’s also now the added insult to injury from Mourinho, who calls the Alien/Orc a loser. Notice his silence as Chelski slowly but surely made their way to the final day of the season and the Champions League final. He’s yet another Chelsea-related f--ker who should just roll over and die.

On the Arse front, nothing much again, apart from more wild transfer rumours. The story on Samir Nasri is a bit like this: “Nasri to sign in the next 20 minutes. Nasri to sign after calling his mum. Nasri to sign maybe after breakfast. Nasri to sign before lunch. Nasri doesn't really feel like signing ust yet.” Ah, eff it. Enough already! [psst: some say we may sign Mario Gomez if Ade continues to make unrealistic salary demands. Maybe Ade should try Chelski. Salary should be good over that side of London]. If all the rumours had any credence, we’d have a first team of 30 next season. Haha!

Captain Fantastic - A Tribute, Part II

First off, today’s Captain Fantastic pic. Last one tomorrow. I thought of using the one of him crying (again) after the England quarter-final loss to Portugal in 2004, but thought better of it. I wouldn’t want to convey any sort of notion that he’s just a freakin' cry-baby. So, while I would never wish any misfortune on the man, I thought this particular photo was an instance of great sports photography, and also because it's got my fave Diaby moment in it too.

On to regular stuff…yet more evidence has emerged as to why Chelski are such a freaky club. With their loss out of their way, the Hollywood-esque post-season bitchy griping and back-stabbing has begun with a vengeance. Completely within character, Anelka has made clear that it was not his fault that he missed his penalty. He didn’t even want to play, let alone take a penalty:

"I was on the bench and suddenly I am asked to play, not even a minute after I was sent out to warm up. I don't know if that has ever happened in a Champions League final, that a player has gone on to the pitch without having warmed up.

"I was then asked to take one of the first five [penalty] kicks but I said: 'That is out of the question; I have come on as a right-back.' So I had to go in seventh, but Van der Sar pushed away my shot. All the better for him; that is the game."

All the better for him? duh. I thank god for teams like Chelski. Makes me feel sooo much more like a normal human being for enjoying a team like ours.

In fact, I’d say that Hleb and his agent’s disgraceful behaviour pale in comparison to the shennanigans taking place at Stamford Bridge. So to Hleb and friend, just go if you must. Just don’t make this another long-drawn soap worthy of Stamford Bridge. Thanks for the memories (not!). [UPDATE: Looks like Hleb has indeed already left. Nothing objectionable in the Sun's report right here, except their first line, which suggests that Arse are left "in crisis" because of his departure. Somehow, I don't really think so. Let's be serious here. Hleb has been good at times, but there are better players out there who would enjoy life in London, and take the noise better. I'm glad he has left sooner rather than later, and has thus freed up the cash to make a signing. Looking forward to it. до свидания to his short socks.

In the meantime, Le Boss has spoken again about Diarra’s departure, saying that he had first bought the dude with a possible Flamini departure in mind (prescient man!), and that Diarra must’ve panicked when he had to play second fiddle in the run up to EURO 2008. Well, fair play to Diarra. Your panic has given you an FA Cup winners’ medal, and I’m sure next season you’ll be at another club worthy of your ambitions. Great piece of speculative trading there I suppose. You can never mitigate against player panic, so I won’t say anymore of the matter, nor hold anyone responsible.

Tonight will see a great game, I must admit. Stoke and Hull to play off for a place in the Premier League for the first time ever. The pain for whoever loses will be unbearable, but for the winner: it would be worth every penny just to tune in for those last minutes of the game. I’m looking forward to it, and will probably find myself rooting for Hull as the relative underdog.

I think I’ll have to start getting used to slow Saturday news days. Thank god for the EUROs coming…

Captain Fantastic - A Tribute, Part I

On this slow day, I thought I should launch today a little tribute to Captain Fantastic. He's been called so many nice and not-so-nice things of late, I figured it would be fair to just put it to a vote. From today, therefore, and over the next three days, I shall post fave photos of the Captain. Please vote for your favourite (on the right, by day). Voting will be open forever, or at least until the season starts again.

But aside from that, a bit of news on Carlos Vela, whose Work Permit has just been approved. Wow, the UK Immigration Office really does work quite fast, I must say. What? Has it been like just a couple of days or something since we put up the application? Anyways, looks like good news. Any extra pair of hands (preferably legs) would be useful up front.

Finally, following from Hleb's complaint about the noise in London, his agent (who else) has now come out to talk about what an honour it is that his client is apparently the target of Real, "one of the greatest clubs in the world". This particular story suggests that Hleb's three years (has it really been three years?!) at the club have been trophyless years, which falls short of his ambitions. Maybe we've got the causal relationship wrong here. Maybe, just maybe, it has been his arrival that has been the cause of our hypo-trophyitis? Ah, who cares. Me says the future still looks bright. Chelski will amble to another season of close calls, Pool will be Pool circa 21st century, and Man U will be great competition.

Football as poetry

First off, congratulations to my Man U-supporting friends on their Champions League win. I’d always preferred this outcome, and thought it more likely. Not sure how I managed to get myself up at 4.30am just in time for the start of extra time, but I suppose I have little regret. Chelsea were by far the more potent team during that last half hour, and Man U by contrast were limp – playing as though they were intent on penalties. (Oh yeah, begrudging congratulations on the double too, I suppose).

In any case, I suppose Chelski’s mental self destruction began even before the penalties. Reinforcing why nobody in their right mind would ever be a Chelski supporter (further proof), Frogba gets himself sent off near the end for touching Vidic’s chin, after fighting over…a throw in!! Now, there are several levels of stupidity to that whole episode. First, Chelski in particular do it all the time – not passing back “properly”. They of all people are the masters of such devious shit behaviour, so I have absolutely no idea where their anger came from. Just a bunch of f—ing brainless twats, I suppose. Second, for a professional (striker) to get sent off minutes before penalties is either (a) intentional, or (b) symptomatic of absent grey matter. Probably a little of both in the case of Fidier Frogba. Loser.

So, the losers in blue limp to penalties. And lo and behold, the Arsewiper’s Most Hated Player #2, Cristiano Ronaldo, misses his penalty. Yummy! If there was ever a penalty taken with his bollocks left on the half-way line, that was it. Someone should tell Ronaldo to quit that stuttering run up. I suppose the reason why he does it is to include an extra last-second element of doubt into the goalkeeper’s mind. What happened though, was that it just betrayed his. Erm, Ron, when you do that, you shouldn’t be looking exactly where you’re going to hit it (right), and be aligning your body in that direction (right) too! Even the Arsewiper, at a massive 5'5" (okay, maybe 5'4½") could have saved that penalty. In any case, he should stop taking penalties for the time being. Now why couldn’t your bollocks have shrunk or fallen off when playing against us??

Fast forward several other decent penalties, and we have “Captain Fantastic”, the Arsewiper’s Most Hated Player #1. Numero Uno. Now, if he had scored, you can bet your bottom dollar he would have been hailed as having the biggest bollocks of all England’s best. The final penalty, the one that would bring Romano Bloody Bitch his most-prized goal, the one that would bring Chelski to the top of all European football....But, as it stands in the annals of history:

Mathieu Flamini: Free
Nicolas Anelka: £85 million (and I’ll get back to this later)
“Captain Fantastic” missing his club’s most important, last-chance-in-hell-of-winning-the-Champions-League penalty: PRICELESS

Even at 5.20am in the morning, the house in pitch darkness, I couldn’t help laughing out loud. It was just poetic.

Fast forward again several other decent penalties, and we come to the world’s most expensive player (hint: has played for 104 different clubs). Actually, before that, something even more poetic could've happen. Arsely Hole just barely converted his penalty. Damn, a miss would have been soooo sweet. But anyway, how on earth Monsieur Nicolas Anelka has managed to conjure up £85 million in transfer fees paid for him is quite astonishing.

On to Anelka, the Arsewiper’s Most Hated Player #3 at the penalty spot. So he misses too, and Romano Bloody Bitch must now be thinking of selling the ugly sulk, adding even more value to that £85 million. Let’s see, where will he go now? France – done. Spain – done. England – done, quite a few times. Turkey – done. Which team now would be daft enough to sign him? I’m thinking MLS.

If Frogba were still on the pitch, would he have taken that penalty? Or Captain Fantastic’s? It now emerges that he would have! Oh...my...god. The poetry is sweet. Frogba gets himself sent off 3 minutes from time for nothing, Captain Fantastic gets to take his penalty, to win something this season for the 3rd time trying, and he misses. Ahhhhh...I am at such ease with the universe.

There we have it. Congratulations to Man U – if only because no way in hell do Chelsea deserve either the League or Champions League. Overhauls galore will come at Stamford Bridge, and Sir will continue building. I’m looking forward to next season already.

In the meantime, some homework for Ronaldo:

(a) Work on reaction to missed penalty. Some variety please. Your expressions after Barcelona and Chelsea were a little too similar.
(b) Work on strengthening bollocks. Why do people say you're not a big-game player?

A little Arse footnote: Looks like Nasri’s not just confirmed yet. A case of premature _____, I suppose. Not on my part, though…please! There’s yet another brainless report from goal.com that we’re looking to buy Robinho for £25 million. Have not heard anything so stupid. Period. Alright, that’s it. Hopefully there’ll be more Arse news tomorrow.

Slow slow slow news day

Well, it's front page news on L'Equipe that Samir Nasri has become an Arse. For those of you who speak Frog, this is what it says. In short, we're looking at a €15 million transfer fee, and he'll put pen to paper before joining up with the French team ahead of the EUROs in the evening. Funny thing is how he's also referred to as "le Nouveau Zidane".

There are comments around from RVP saying that he'll be be fit for EURO 2008. I actually have no doubt about that. He'll probably play a couple of games, then get an injury to...let's see...should be the elbow now. He breaks my heart, he does. Since we won't get Eduardo back for a while yet, maybe Le Boss will then be forced to buy someone in July.

Finally, among those missing from the French team is Robert Pires. He's had a good season at Villareal, and he's one we have to feel happy for. All said and done, his departure was sad, but unavoidable. The fact is the guy is 34 right now, and while he could have played a part in one more season with us, a second in 2008/9 would have been a stretch. Can't argue too much with the one-year extension rule for the over 30s.

Wish there was more to talk about. But alas...

Nasri? Nasri?? Nasri!!

Seems like we are close to closing the deal on Samir Nasri. Good stuff. If he’s anything near what he’s made out to be, then I think he would be a great replacement for Hleb. He’s twenty, and should be confident enough to take an odd shot at goal (which is a useful trait for a footballer).

As for a Flamini replacement, the rumour-mongering is on Alberto Aquilani. Not going to waste too much time on this one. There are also little stories on Roque Santa Cruz as a replacement for Ade. If he indeed goes, then that would not be a bad alternative. But again, not worth wasting too much time on that for now. Funny little footnote in this story on Aquilani has Samuel Eto’o saying that he’d prefer a move to Arse over Spurs. *duh* surprise surprise. There are a few people out there who’d prefer a move to Spurs, but I think those would be in the category of geriatrics who’d prefer a steady stream of games in a mid-table team.

The Sun has also reported that Kolo has demanded “showdown” talks with Le Boss to make sure that he no longer has to play second fiddle to Mohawk Billy. I can appreciate where Kolo’s coming from. The captaincy was one of Arsene’s few mistakes, and Kolo should have been one to take it on. But as Vieira has said, if the armband is taken away from Mohawk Billy, he may just cry. Well, the Sun notes too that we’re lining up a big move for Miguel Veloso, so maybe this is with a Gallas departure in mind. If Le Boss is scratching his head over whether to give the armband to Kolo or Mohawk Billy, then I suggest he just give it to Cesc.

Some other funnier non-Arse stories. Seems like a couple of Pompey morons have lost their FA Cup medals. One of them’s Glen Johnson. The idiot should just look in his hair.

Finally, a little note on the Champions League final. Romano Bloody Bitch has made his first move: by making sure that the teams will be playing on a crap pitch. In this day and age, this is unacceptable, and leads me onto a larger question on the state of pitches in the Premier League from time to time. But simply for Wednesday’s game, one can only be too aware of Chelski’s favoured tactic of roughing up their pitch ahead of big games. How a team with so much to spend on players has no resources to ensure a better playing surface at Stamford Bridge is beyond me. Bastards. I’m sure Romano Bloody Bitch must have slipped some polonium into the grass in transit.

France Squad Named

And there's no room at the inn for Bacary and Clichy. The full list is below, and you must feel for our two top performers. It's either a case of the French team so overflowing in its riches or a case of Domenech being a twit. One less reason for me to watch the French team this time round. On the bright side though, I suppose this means they will both be much fresher than their mates in August.

How there can be space in any team for a Boumsong, and not for a Sagna or Chichy is beyond me. There's no room for Diaby too, but that's a little (just a little) bit more understandable.

France squad

Goalkeepers: Gregory Coupet (Lyon), Mickael Landreau (PSG), Sebastien Frey (Fiorentina), Steve Mandanda (Marseille).

Defenders: Eric Abidal (Barcelona), Jean-Alain Boumsong (Lyon), Francois Clerc (Lyon), Julien Escude (Sevilla), Patrice Evra (Manchester United), William Gallas (Arsenal), Philippe Mexes (Roma), Willy Sagnol (Bayern Munich), Lilian Thuram (Barcelona), Sebastien Squillaci (Lyon).

Midfielders: Alou Diarra (Bordeaux), Lassana Diarra (Portsmouth), Mathieu Flamini (AC Milan), Claude Makelele (Chelsea), Jeremy Toulalan (Lyon), Patrick Vieira (Inter Milan), Florent Malouda (Chelsea), Franck Ribery (Bayern Munich), Samir Nasri (Marseille).

Forwards: Nicolas Anelka (Chelsea), Hatem Ben Arfa (Lyon), Karim Benzema (Lyon), Djibril Cisse (Marseille), Bafetimbi Gomis (St Etienne), Thierry Henry (Barcelona), Sidney Govou (Lyon).

FA Cup Final...was it??

Now that was a dismal final. Not the best advertisement for top quality football. Considering that the goal came from a fumble, there weren’t many other chances, and Cardiff were good but crap in the final third, that was ultimately a little bit of a waste of time on Saturday afternoon/night (depending on your time zone!). Considering Pompey’s road to the final, one could say that the only real test was their quarter final, which they must admit they were awfully lucky to get through. Only one win against a Premier League team, and only one game where they scored more than one goal. Now exactly a distinguished cup run. Some would say this is sour grapes. Of course it is. Only goes to show how far the FA Cup oftentimes depends on a good run of a good draw, and one would be justified to feel aggrieved by the luck of the draw.

Ipswich 1-0
Plymouth 2-1
Preston 1-0
Man U 1-0
West Brom 1-0
Cardiff 1-0

While Harry would of course revel in his glory, he should be just a tad circumspect in declaring this the start of anything. God help them in a proper competition. (Like the UEFA Cup, and like the Premier League).

Nothing else I want to say today, I suppose. Nothing else much to look forward to, apart from Bristol v Hull (which should be better than abovementioned FA Cup Final), and a certain European final on 21 May. I soooo want Chelski to lose.

FA Cup Final...really?

Is there something happening tonight? Some game between Cardiff and…Pompey? Can’t be that important a game, so I’ll probably give it a miss. Oh yeah, right, it’s the FA Cup. I remember the FA Cup. It used to a be a vaguely interesting Cup competition. Don’t think anybody gives it a flying F anymore. Wonder why. Maybe it’s because the total prize money for the winners won’t be enough to pay for Ronaldo’s hair cuts over his career. (Speaking of Ronaldo, methinks he’ll leave. Man U will win the Champions League, and having done everything with the team, needing a new challenge, new pads for his new woman, he’ll probably leave for Real. And that, my friends, will be the end of Man U. I don’t think it was a coincidence that Man U had a slow start to the season precisely because Ronaldo was having a slow start, and when he decided to show up, well, the rest is history).

Looks like Cesc is going to make up to £100,000 a week with a new contract. Actually, I suppose that means in ten weeks, he makes as much as Cardiff will get as a team as FA Cup winners. I’m sure they’ll have fun in the UEFA Cup too. So, congratulations to all the New Deal recipients. Franklin Roosevelt would have been proud of our NewDeals.

Flamini’s given a little bit of an interview about his leaving and his pain at Arsene’s suggestions. He says he did not leave for money. While it is possible to be sympathetic to his claims – that he would have stayed if offered a new deal last summer – there are still a few logical gaps in his story. Yes, Le Boss declined to give him a new deal, saying he had to prove himself. And so he did, and with that, he was offered a new and better deal. The crux then, must be that this new deal was not anywhere near what Milan were offering. I don’t see how it can not be a money issue. If Arse had offered him £100,000 a week (like Cesc), he would’ve stayed, no? So…it’s money. As I’ve said before. Say it, move on, nobody will think any less of you.

One of his funnier comments though: “But I will say I’m leaving for Milan because it’s one of the biggest clubs in the world…Milan are in the Champions League final every couple of years.” Er, okay. Let’s see after this weekend whether they’re even in the Champions League next season, let alone the final.

Blah blah blah, let’s move on….to nothing much actually. Accept that for some reason, there’s more play on Vieira’s comments on Arse developments. I wonder why. I think they’ve got more pressing concerns at Inter. He says Mohawk Billy may not take the psychological blow of having the captain’s arm band taken away from him. Well, to that I first say, Paddy, shuddup. Secondly, what would Kolo and Gilberto say to that – the so-called psychological blow? Again, just admit you didn’t do that well, keep your chin up, play for the team, and support your new captain. If you can’t hack it then, well, there’s always Pompey. What’s with all these women these days. (No disrespect to women, who probably have to deal with greater pain in their lifetimes). I can't deal with this, I can't deal with that, I don't get enough respect, enough money, enough playing time, blah blah blah. F it. Must be these new organic diets that Arsene must've put them on. Give me Steve Bould, Tony Adams, Nigel Winterburn and Lee Dixon any time.

Okay then, enough for now. Cardiff all the way!!

[Trivia: why do I have two extra Panini EURO 2008 Thierry Henry stickers? Is he really so out of favour?]

Bonus Time!!

Ah yes, Cesc, Sagna, Clichy and Ade can look forward to bigger paychecks from next season. Since there’s no mention of Hleb, we can only conclude that (a) he was not really a top performer in Le Boss’ eyes, and (b) he’s no doubt going to scoot off the greener (as in greenback green) and quieter pastures of Milan. What’s shocking about some of the revelations (for me) in this story is that Sagna makes just £20,000 a week! He really looks like someone who has exceeded everyone’s expectations – including his own, given how he must’ve negotiated that rather low first salary. What’s interesting is what Cesc is going to make with his new contract. Stay tuned, I suppose.

News coming in from Le Boss that Carlos Vela’s going to be firmly in the first team next season! Yay! According to Le Boss, he’s going to be play centrally upfront: “An Eduardo type”. Yet more cover, so this is an exciting prospect.

Stranger news coming in from Le Boss as he defends Eboue. He’s entitled to his own (warped) views, but the logic here is odd, to say the least: "If you look at the number of goals we scored you will see we are near the top of the League. A team is first of all a balance, that's why I am not a fan of going into any individual case.” So if the team does excellent despite one idiot’s non-contributions, then all’s well? If all goes to plan and we get to strengthen the team, I really don’t see how and why he should start most games. This is probably the one and only one inexplicable thing about Arsene. His devotion to Eboue is almost…suspicious.

All well, happier news on someone who’s played better in Eboue’s place on the right: Walcott’s on fire! Scores (again) for England U-21 against Wales, so I suppose it’s great news for Capello. Pity they aren’t going to be playing in Austria and Switzerland! Haha!

It’s not often I feel the urge to write about Chelski, but you’ve gotta hand it to Carvalho for his timing: talking about people leaving Chelsea, even before anyone’s kicked a ball in Moscow. So if Carvalho, Lampard and Drogba leave (and of course Shevchenko), would that rank as an exodus too? Huh huh huh? And one more thing: since the Orc-Alien’s definitely going to go too, what does that rank as? Maybe since everyone hates him so, the media will just play it up as necessarily re-building and rejuvenation. Oh F it. Who cares anyway.

Silly slow sleepy day...

Well, not much happening, so lets just say that I got my Cesc Spain kit in anticipation of Euro 2008, so I'm rather pleased with myself. That's about all exciting happening it seems.

But, there is more news about Yaya wanting to play with his brother Kolo. As I’ve said earlier, that would really be interesting. He’s had a reasonable season with Barca, and while he may be good cover in the middle of the park, the question ultimately is whether he’s going to be overpriced.

The Sun’s also plucked this story out of their ears: of Arse being interested in a £20 million Mauro Zarate. Sheesh. Keep it going guys, we’re going to be linked with just about everyone here on in. Funny if he remains in Qatar...

Speaking of holding midfielders, Diarra has come out with his “I’m glad I left Arse” comments, which aren’t that big a surprise. So he’s left Chelski and Arse to play every week. But more importantly, he also knows Pompey aren’t exactly the team that will match his “ambitions”, so good luck to them as and when he decides to leave. Whatever, dude.

Something quite puzzling though: First Kranjcar’s made some really positive noises about staying at Pompey in the same article, i.e. they’re going to win the FA Cup for sure, and therefore play UEFA Cup football next season, and two seasons later, play in the Champions League; so one is left to wonder what the deal is with him. Second, the talk in the media seems that the FA Cup’s going to be a stroll for Pompey. I’d really beg to differ. The most important thing going into a final is form and momentum, and I’m sorry, but Pompey;s got none. The pressure is going to be one them, and there aren’t any signs that they have it in them to do the deed.

Urgh. Need sleep.

Pre-season? Post-season? Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome?

Is this post-season or pre-season then? When does the post end and the pre begin? I suppose I’ve got an answer to that: pre-season starts when you make your first signing. So Chelski have started theirs with the £16 million Bosing-who??, which means they’ll probably lose in Moscow.

Speaking of pre-season, here’s a little look at our pre-season games. Seems like yonks away, but with EURO 2008, let’s hope the time flies by.

Saturday, 19 July: Barnet
Wednesday, 30 July: Stuttgart
Saturday, 2 August: Juventus
Sunday, 3 August: Real Madrid
Wednesday, 6 August: Huddersfield

But, it’s also post-season, since people are still looking back, and making their little attempts at analyses. Let’s see…some great numbers from the season, excerpted from this great little Guardian piece:

Tottenham dropped 33 points from winning positions his season, equalling a Premier League record held by Chelsea 1995-96 and Wimbledon 1999-2000 – this explains their optimism for next season

Bolton were the only team not to be shown a red card this season – shocking really. Must’ve been the departure of fat Sam

Arsenal scored 27 goals in the final 15 minutes of matches – more than any other side. Heh heh. Reminds me of that game against Spurs when we stole three points. See above. Muwahahahaha!

12 different nationalities scored for Arsenal – the most in the league – really? That’s quite a funny stat. Let’s see now: Togolese, French, English, Belarussian, Czech, Ivory Coast (Ivorian?), Dutch, Swiss, Spanish, Brazilian, Croatian, and…Danish! This looks like the UN Security Council, with the non-permanent members of course.

Arsenal had the best passing accuracy, completing 83% of their passes – mmm, yum!

Arsenal conceded the fewest headed goals (3) this season – now this is one cool stat. Given how we leaked goals at set pieces last season, this is truly awesome. In a sense then, it also points out where the key weakness is in our defence.

Cesc Fabregas has set up 17 goals this season – the third-highest tally of assists (Henry 20 in 2002-03, Lampard 18 in 2004-05) in a single Premier League campaign since 1996 when Opta began recording data.

Papa Bouba Diop had more shots without scoring than any other player this season, 55 – hee hee. Sounds like one bad case of erectile dysfunction!

Cesc Fabregas attempted the most passes (2526) and created the most chances (112) – no wonder he’s the engine of the team, eh? But, actually...if he had 17 assists, and 112 chances, does that not mean that the team only put away 15% of chances he created? Oops. Our profligacy inadvertently exposed.

Emmanuel Adebayor scored 24 goals in this his third Premier League season – the same number as Thierry Henry scored in his third league campaign with the Gunners – hmmm. Are they saying something about what Ade may be capable of??

Finally, another moronic twist in the twisted Hleb tale. It seems he can’t stand the noise in London. Mmmm. Yes. I see. He’d rather the quiet country life. Like in Milan. With the extra couple of bucks he’d get, he’d also be able to get some snazzy ear plugs.

New Ajax Kit for Arsenal in 2008/9

Here's a link to a Sun story from a while back with leak on our new kit for 2008/9. Hmmm. Is it me or does it look suspiciously like an Ajax shirt - or an Ajax training shirt for that matter?

But it's a bit of a change, and quite snazzy, I suppose. A nice little departure from what we're more used to. I myself have taken quite a liking to our white kit, which was a bit of a controversial departure.

Whatever the case, now there's another thing to look forward to in the coming months!

Review: Sunderland 0 - Arsenal 1 (plus other end of season goodies)

So that's the end of our season. 83 points. A meaningless walk in the park, but still several points of note.

First, one's left to wonder what may have been if Theo was started more often. Second, why can't AC Milan buy Eboue instead? I'm getting really really really really really irritated by him. Damn, Senderos is a better asset to the team anytime. We had an interesting back line: Djourou-Senderos-Song-Clichy. Song put in another generally acceptable performance. Third, Denilson put in a pretty good overall performance, so let's hope we see him slightly more often next season. Fourth, how on earth Gilberto completely missed that free kick from 8 yards out is totally incomprehensible. A blind man on one leg would at least have hit a defender.

Fifth, the Ade-Bendtner pairing upfront doesn't seem to be working. There just doesn't seem to be the natural understanding, and despite his work rate, Bendtner does lack that final bit of flair for a final ball to Ade. (He ain't no Eduardo, in short...though he can head a better ball probably). RVP and Ed are no doubt missed. Wonder if Le Boss is thinking of strengthening things up front. (All the silly transfer rumours aside). Sixth, Mark Randall's introduction to replace Eboue after 80 minutes came 80 minutes too late. In his 10 minutes, he did more than the idiot twit did in the last three games. I'd like to see a little more of him too, and hopefully he'll make a few more useful appearances from the bench next season. His goal was wrongfully ruled off-side. The linesman should be shot. Seventh, Clichy again outdid himself. He rules the entire left side of any game he plays in. He's the man, man.

More interesting happenings (IH) elsewhere:

IH Number 1: Yes, Man U are champs. Okay, good on you. Now go win the double. Much as it hurts me, it will hurt less than if Chelski won in Moscow. Knowing Romano Bloody Bitch, he's probably going to unleash his hoodlum friends on the Man U team hotel and poison their food with some good ole polonium. Yum. Ronaldo's probably going to start turning a deathly green before the game.

What made my day even more, was Bolton's equalizer! Goal difference my ass. The fools lost by two points, which incidentally, was how far we ended up behind Chelski. No shame there, I suppose. So order has been regained - to some extent, and the Alien/Orc can head off to his new team with a little less smug pride than he would otherwise have done. I was mighty pleased to see Terry get his elbow smashed by Cech, but the latest news is that he's going to be fine for the final in Moscow. Damn. What's it with him. He gets his face kicked by Diaby, and he's fine, elbow dislocated, and he's fine. He kicks Eboue's foot, and he's not out for as long as he should. That's just not right.

IH Number 2: Spurs eventually finish with...erm...46 points. That's 37 points behind us, and 10 from relegated Reading. Yes, so I suppose if you were Jenas, you'd say the signs are good that they'll overtake us next season. Oh yes, forgot to mention that they've shipped 61 goals in total. I suppose they've got reason for optimism. Still one better than relegated Birmingham.

IH Number 3: Both Milan teams slip up. Just great. Can't wait to see Inter lose the title on the last day, and AC lose out on a Champions League place. Such glee I'd have to see Flamini giving a gut-wrenching season with Arse as reason he's going to a UEFA Cup playing team. Similarly for Hleb. Enjoy yourself at Inter. You've joined the right team for REAL collapses! If you leave for money, then be a man and say you left for money. I don't see why there needs to be any attempt to come with reasons like a lack of trophies. Yes, Arse are painfully resisting paying top dollar. But I think there has to be some resistance to the ridiculous trend, and if the price to be paid is the occasional departure, then that's fine.

IH Number 4: Boro 8 - Manchester City 1. Holy Mary Mother of God. What on earth was that about? Mass rebellion? Suicide Club gathering? Mass hallucinations? It must be a real sweet time to be a City fan right now. Get whipped 8-1 by a team who would more likely get whipped 8-1. Have a mad Thai owner who's intent on getting rid of possibly your best ever manager. What more could you ask for? God save their next manager.

IH Number 5, which is also STR (Silly Transfer Rumour) #1: Yaya Toure is also a target for us. That would be fun. Kolo and Yaya can gang up on Mohawk Billy. Another seemingly not-so STR concerns Hatem Ben Arfa, who's now been quoted as saying that "it is true that we have spoken about Arsenal, but we will see how it is going to happen...if I stay at Lyon, it is to play. Wherever I go, it will be to play."

Alright then. Enough nonsense. There'll be more STRs tomorrow and the day after, and the day after, and the day after that. Best we wait for official news (ie the Arsenal state-run media). After all, Le Boss has said he will make a signing pretty soon, and from this, it looks like he'll be getting someone with EPL experience. Did someone mention Kranjcar? Kranjar + Arfa? Has a strange sound to it...

What an absolute crock of shit!

Flamini has revealed that Arse’s slump led him to leave…and that if we had won the league, he would’ve signed a new deal. What the fuck (pardon the lingo. I think this deserves it) does that mean? That he would only play for and be loyal to winners? If that’s the case, then I think we’ve done well in seeing him leave. I cannot believe a professional with any semblance of loyalty and gratitude could say something like that. It’s interesting. When we lost the Champions League final in 2006 (which some would say was just as painful) – what happened? Henry signed a new deal immediately after. Now, nobody knows why he did it, but I would guess it was a combination of love for the club, a determination not to jump ship at the first sign of pain and a commitment to betterment for the club. All of which must be missing from Flamini’s decision-making process. Well then, as I’ve said, so be it. I only hope there are better team players in the rest of the squad. More interesting question is whether £100,000 a week would have made Flamini’s pain a little more bearable, and convinced him to stay. And finally, let’s be clear on one thing. Flamini’s only come close to winning the league with us once: this season. So if he can’t take the disappointment of one season's failure, then fuck off fucker

Some more encouraging utterings from RVP to counter the brain freeze I got from reading Flamini’s remarks:

"I am 100 per cent convinced we will soon win big trophies…(w)hen that happens, I know the whole world will be behind us. It will be a lasting memory if we win it with our style of play.”

And when that happens, let’s see what the deal is with those who jumped ship. I really cannot deal with professionals who can’t deal with occasional painful defeats. Whatever happened to: what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger? I suppose when you’re dealing with £55,000 or £100,000 a week, the equation’s slightly changed.

More random transfer “news”. Apart from Ben Arfa, it’s now Richard Dunne and Vincent Kompany. Wouldn’t believe this for a moment. Have never seen such wild, frivolous and random pre-season talk ever. In a way, it’s exciting, but in another, this probably is symptomatic of all the nonsensical pin that agents out there are guilty of.

Little other news out there, save for the tizzy over tonight’s last games. While my money’s on Man U of course, (and I’d rather see them win anytime, and not Chelski), it’d be funny seeing their faces as Heskey scores a last minute equalizer. Heh heh heh. Such delight in cruelty. Ah well. We had enough of that this season, so no harm in sharing the pain. (Chelski should then lose in Moscow to a 93rd minute John Terry own goal).

Ta ta. More tomorrow.

Nothing today? Really?

A quiet day ahead of an inconsequential one for us tomorrow. It looks like Le Boss will give the young ‘uns a run out. Well and good. Sunderland will be out for a little meaningless amble in the park too, so it looks like we’re in for a thrilling final day. If need be, I suppose there are the other more important games going on at the top and bottom.

Looks like Ade has rubbished the rubbish going on about him. Good one. Now let’s get on with it. It’s interesting though…with all the talk of people leaving, an exodus, the collapse of the team, blah blah blah, what’s actually missing from the usual summer nonsense is talk of Wenger leaving. We seemed to have that every other season since 2004, so it’s nice and refreshing to see him flexing his muscles and squeezing Hleb’s b*lls for a change. I suppose it’s also proof that the media can’t really concentrate on too many hot issues at the same time.

Jermaine (I-love-my-vibrating-cell-phone) Jenas seems to be suffering from the effects of over-exposure to cell phone radiation:

"We can definitely overtake Arsenal next year. We always want to climb and get as high as we can in the table, so hopefully if we can keep progressing we can top them.

“If you look at the players that we’ve got we know full well that we’ve under-achieved in the league this season."

Alright now, let’s get this straight. Spurs have under-achieved, will under-achieve, and will forever under-achieve. I suppose with their new manager, the levels of under-achievement will be slightly less shocking to most, but they’ll still under-achieve. (The Carling Cup being evidence of Ramos’ contributions). With the players they have, there’s no way in hell they should fall short of teams like Pompey, Blackburn, West Ham…but they have, and probably will next season as well.

Looks like poor Rosicky (and I suppose it really should be pronounced Ro-SICK-y) will miss EURO 2008. About time he goes for his major body transplant, so let’s hope he comes back next season about half a foot taller, faster, and with massive bull legs.

Finally, there’s a smattering of news just filtering in that we’ve signed Hatem Ben Arfa for £16 million. Let’s see what happens over the next day. We know how these things work, and it could be little more than some idiot farting the words Hatem and Arsenal at the same time, only to be heard and quoted by goal.com.

Flamini down, Hleb to go

As expected, the news today is that Hleb will follow Flamini out. Okay fine, go. Bye bye Byelarus.

I particularly like some of Le Boss’s comments:

"It isn't just down to money because we have bought players for nothing and they became world stars.

"It is also down to the quality of the scouting, the quality of the work in training and the quality of the development in the players.

"I believe much more in that, working in an intelligent way to make a player improve."

Right on. For some reason, we often find ourselves buying players who come with a “who????” after their name, only for them to become much sought after players after a season or two. So we must be doing something right. Let’s not change that. Some will move on, and let’s concentrate on keeping the very very best and committed. I'd rather this than have us buy the usual names at age 27, 28 for a bomb and have them flop like a damp quib after two seasons.

After Hleb leaves, my first suggestion to Le Boss will be to implement a rule on sock lengths. Nothing that will allow Hleb-like socks (circa 1972, à la Gerd Muller). Though I must add that Thierry had a nasty habit of wearing his too long every now and then...almost like stockings. C’mon dude, I know it’s cold, but having your socks up to were your shorts end is kinda odd. (Though I think Thierry’s been wearing them properly at Barca, where it’s of course much warmer than London).


There’s also the same old news about Gareth Barry, though the media seem to be slightly more certain that we will be bidding for him. Honestly, I will be a bit surprised. He does seem to be on the slightly old side for an Arsene signing, and I don’t see him splashing out that kind of dough. That said, he’s pretty useful in the middle of the park, and could give Cesc the space to do his thing. But que sera sera.

Other than this, slow news today. Hopefully, things will look up over the weekend. Probably not. (There are some rumblings that Ade - or his agent - have upped his salary demands to £80,000 a week. I'm not even going to start on that...)

Blatter off his meds

First off, I must say I've never liked Sepp Bloody Blatter. He's always been the source of stupid ideas - golden goal, silver goal, whatever. What's worse has been his almost authoritarian leadership of FIFA: it's almost as if he's the be all and end all of world football, the god of that global religion football. Well, he can kiss my ass. His latest ramblings about the ills of foreign players, as exemplified by the all "English" Champions League final, are the ultimate in dumbness. Setanta has done a little "what if" scenario, and of course Arse seem to come off worse.

Some obviously stupid implications of Blatter's "quota" proposal:

1. Yes, the top teams seem to be heavy with foreign players. But so too are the middle-ranked teams. I'd hazard that it is precisely with these foreign players that the likes of Bolton, Newcastle, City, etc can even dream of competing. If not for the foreigners, what we'd have at a league of identical Preston North Ends. In the Newcastle team that lost to Chelski over the weekend, we had six foreign players.

2. The problem is not the invasion of foreigners. It is foreign money. Two totally different things, Mr Blatter. Sure, put a quota on things. Romano Bloody Bitch will still buy up all the best English meat, if only to put them on the bench. After that, he'd get bored, take all his money out, and leave Chelsea following Leeds into the dustbin of history.

3. Now then, Blatter talks about "countries" and "foreigners" in his quotas - aimed obviously at the "English" teams. Maybe then he should once and for all end this little anomaly of having separate English, Scottish, Irish leagues (and national teams), and merge them all into one proper "British" league, composed primarily of British nationals holding British passports. Wouldn't this fit in better with his concerns of nationality? Maybe Blatter would take the next obvious step and have a GB&I team as well, since he's talking about "nationality". Wanker.

I suppose it's his Swiss, rather insular, xenophobic side talking. If he keeps at it, first he's going to piss off Euro legislators and bureaucrats by wasting their time, and even if he succeeds, he'll probably also succeed in creating a darts-like chasm in the world governing bodies of football.

On to more important and immediate concerns...Le Boss is saying that he will look into buying one "powerful" central defender. Yes, obviously. This Independent report then asks the "what about" question with regard to Kolo. I don't see it as an issue. We can't simply have two central defenders and hope that these two last the entire season. Three world class dudes would be the best. Kolo's been comfortable on the right (as cover for Sagna), and I would say he would be comfortable in the middle of the park too (which is where he started?). He's the ultimate utility player, if you asked me.

Ade has made some nice noises about staying at Arse "to make history", in saying no to Barca. He's right there. Keep you head down, boy, concentrate on the next 3-4 seasons, and let's review the situation then. Ade clearly has had his ups and downs this season, and for now, his goals have tipped the balance. The key, as the boss has said, is to make sure that he keeps on improving. He has still a few too many improvements to make -- which should keep his head from getting too big.

That's it for now, methinks. For some reason, there're still stories out there going on and on about Flamini's departure, whose fault it is, and to whose detriment. Well, just stop it I say. Remember Edu? He left for free too, and with a much sweeter memory than Flamini. We also didn't see anyone making a fuss when Wiltord left for free.

Losing Vieira was especially tough, but it happened too. I think Patrick left with a bit less bitterness than Flamini as well. So enough of this storm in a teacup. Le Boss has said his final piece in slamming Flamini's greed. Touché. What the rest of the media world has to say is irrelevant. We're still moving forward and improving as a team. Nuff said.

Down to the wire eh?

So Chelski did it. Well, despite my obvious displeasure that they're still in it, I suppose this should make for an interesting final Sunday. There'll be some furious channel surfing, with issues to be settled at the top and bottom.

What made the Newcastle capitulation more amusing and mind-boggling was their so-called Manager's comments after the game. (He must be such a great motivator). Some of his stupider sentences are as follows:

"We are in danger of having the most boring great league in the world."

"The gulf is too big."

"We should make a fist of it next season, provided the owner backs me – which there is no proof of yet, but I have no reason to doubt. We might win the second division of the Premiership."

"The only games the top four lose are to each other. Not many sides outside the top four are beating them. They are losing three games. When we won the championship with Liverpool we lost up to eight."

What an absolute wanker. This clearly shows that the man is out of his league. "When we won..." are words of someone stuck in the past. The most boring league in the world? Excuse me, fool, I don't think so. Newcastle's the most boring team in the world, yes. How can Owen play for this twit. And for the record, Man U lost 5: to City (twice), West Ham and Bolton. So no, technically, they do not lose only to the top four. Yes, Chelsea lost to Arse and Man U, but they did lose to Aston Villa too, you twat. Just because you're a crap manager doesn't make this a boring league. I'm all for censorship of such brainless post-match interviews. Finally, as mentioned in the post below, there's always the FA Cup for King Kev's moment of glory.

So the Flamini saga has been finally been put to bed. What particularly irks me, however, are such stories which begin: "Mathieu Flamini yesterday dealt a significant blow to Arsène Wenger’s future plans by..." What significant blow? So what if he has gone? As we have already shown with the departures/retirements of giants as Vieira, Henry, Bergkamp, Adams, this team is not built on one player, or two, or three. And it certainly ain't built on Flamini (or Hleb). He's been with us four years, 100 games, we'll get over it. The more pertinent question is whether he will get over it. As for Hleb, give me Kranjcar anytime. At least he makes more than one attempt at goal every other full moon.

As with all the media nay-saying when Henry left, we should leave it be, and let the football do the talking next season. I'm sure they'll be ooh-ing and aah-ing all over again at some point. Idiots.

Finally, a funny story. Seems Eduardo's uncle-in-law is suing him for commission from his transfer to Arse. Some 1.2 million euros worth. Says Ed's lawyer:

"They can't understand that someone's trying to take advantage of the transfer, especially someone who has done nothing for them, aside from buying Da Silva a pair of trainers."

Fun-neee. With family like that, who needs Martin Taylor. Imagine, kicking a man when he's literally down with a multiply broken leg. I suppose it's the same Croat anger that had people threatening to kill Taylor after messing with Eduardo. Doesn't this uncle know what could happen to him?? Urgh. Wouldn't want to find myself in a dark alley in Zagreb.

The FA Cup: RIP

I’ve started looking forward to what may be the most eagerly-anticipated FA Cup Final in recent history: Cardiff vs Portsmouth on 17 May 2008. Mmmm….yum, the thought of it really gets me excited.

There is, however, something to be said about the state of the FA Cup. Sadly, it is about time the FA reviews the whole structure of the competition. Only the blindly sentimental will not see that the top Premier League teams have placed their priorities firmly on the league and Europe, and that the FA Cup has fallen drastically in esteem. There are UEFA Cup places to fight for, lucrative Champions League progression, and simply staying in the Premier League. The Carling Cup’s now for the reserves and the FA Cup for the second stringers. [One suggestion: get rid of the Carling Cup, raise the prize money for the FA Cup!]

Alas, what we have right now therefore is that the only teams who bother about the FA Cup are those in the Premier League who don’t have preoccupations with: (a) winning the league, (b) Europe and (c) staying afloat. In other words, Portsmouth. Hats off to them that their best hope for silverware ever is indeed the FA Cup, but that only means that only the mid-table dwellers who will continue to pay attention in the years to come.

So a word to the FA: start thinking about a real seeding system man! You’ve already got a pathetic prize money, so what the (neutral) fans are looking for are entertaining games between the big names, and with the lesser names – not games between the lesser names, deep into the competition. Can you imagine Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal playing in the third round of Wimbledon? Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson in the second round of the World Matchplay? Even with seedings, you’ll still have the occasional non-seeded teams getting through, so we’ll lose no excitement there.

So I’ll be tuning out of the FA Cup for the first time in a long while – though I may watch the last couple of minutes to see Cardiff pull it off against crap Pompey. I think there’s gonna be more excitement in the Championship play-offs. Definitely more at stake there, and it should also bring us nicely into the first week of June and EURO 2008:

Saturday, 10 May 2008
Crystal Palace v Bristol City, Play-Offs Semi-Final, L1, 12:15

Sunday, 11 May 2008
Watford v Hull, Play-Offs Semi-Final, L1, 12:00

Tuesday, 13 May 2008
Bristol City v Crystal Palace, Play-Offs Semi-Final, L2, 19:45

Wednesday, 14 May 2008
Hull v Watford, Play-Offs Semi-Final, L2, 19:45

Saturday, 24 May 2008
Winners 3rd v 6th v Winners 4th v 5th, Play-Offs Final, 15:00

Review: Arsenal 1 - Everton 0

What a poor poor game. Our second string played like they were playing for nothing – which in fact, we were – and Everton were even more terrible. I was left at times just pleading for Everton to do something, anything, to wake the Arse players from their slumber. What we were left with was a extremely pedestrian 1-0 victory, courtesy of a nice little header from Bendtner. I do like his jumps. Like that thumper against Spurs. We could’ve done with more such pedestrian 1-0 victories, against Ass Brum, Boro, Villa, Wigan, etc etc etc. As it stands, our last 1-0 victory was against…guess…guess…guess…Chelski in December. Man, after that game, I thought we were in great Championship shape.

Despite Bendtner having a good game, I am still not terribly convinced that he’s at his most effective between Ade and our midfield. Perhaps if we had Flamini and Cesc on the pitch, he’d have had more freedom, but on Sunday, he looked kinda stilted/constrained. As it was, Ade was totally left out of the game, unaided by Denilson and Gilberto. Ah, on these two, I think it’s safe to say that Denilson ain’t Cesc (yet) and Gilberto ain’t Flamini (anymore). The camera panned onto our players sitting out the game, and from left to right, we had Hleb, Cesc, Flamini and Rosicky. Funny, I thought…aren’t those our main dudes? Who’s on the pitch man? Oh right, forgot. That twit who grows twittier and more irritating by the day…Eboue. He’s got real problems, and Le Boss has to look at it quite carefully in the off season.

Other positive notes though. Song looked really comfortable all day long. That was probably because Everton were total crap without Arteta and Cahill, but with a few good games up his sleeves, it should be good for his confidence. He’s surprised me these few games. Gallas had a good game too, though again, I’d put this down to a crap Everton effort as well. Clichy was ultra reliable as always. Theo was good in spurts, though he looks out of position on the left. He should be up front, or even in Eboue’s place on the right.

Let’s hope next Sunday will offer a little bit more entertainment. It was a pity for the fans that the last game of the season at the Emirates was a dud. The players should at least lift themselves for the traveling fans at the Stadium of Light.

On to more important, longer-term issues. The more I think of it, the more I see the off season as the definitive determinant of what next season will bring. These are revolutionary times. Let’s see who’s likely on the out list (not even including Hleb): Gilberto, Lehmann, Senderos, Flamini. The last of our Invincibles are Toure and Clichy (who I must add was like a baby in 2003-4). A Senderos departure will be a bit sad, no doubt. It’d be key who comes in. There’s talk of Kranjcar, that Aussie Milligan, and now this chappie Makoun. We really need to solidify that spine, and once we do, I am in no doubt we’ll go into next season in really good shape. We’ve already got good foundations – having only lost three times this season -- and we can really build on that.

My last ever words on the Flamini affair: What has made it more painful than it should have been was the protracted nature of it. That was not on by a long shot. So, as Ann Robinson would say: “You did let us down, good bye.” Let’s remember, this ain’t the end of the world, for sure. Flamini hadn’t really won anything with us in his short stay. He came in the summer of 2004, and didn’t even feature in our FA Cup winning team in 2005. So I’d say his value has only skyrocketed through the run to the Champions League final in 2006, and this season. (Otherwise, Arsene would have renegotiated something else earlier on. Haha!) And by no means has he "stunned" Arsenal with his leaving. Sheesh.

So we ain't gonna be Champs after all...bummer

So that's that. West Ham and ass Curbs gave in and threw in the towel. Even Nani tried to make a better meal of the game by getting himself sent off, but to no avail. I'm sure Alien Grump's gonna have a field day complaining about how West Ham had not been professional in their pathetic throwing of the game. I think it's just about West Ham being total crap.

Looking ahead to the season's last game at the Emirates, I'm having a hard time figuring out this crap about the extension of the deadline for Flamini. What the hell difference should a day or two make? Does he need to see his fortune teller? Make a final check of the bank balance? Get an approval note from his mum? Or...quite suspiciously, to see what happens in the Milan derby? Let's see...if Milan lose, and lose out on a Champs League place, Flamini might just have a change of heart, and stay...or more likely join Juve? If he's gonna leave, I really don't see why it has to be so protracted. Injury or otherwise, Arsene should just tell him to f-off for the last two games. He shouldn't be treating his manager and fans like this.

There's some more curious news. Henry to Chelsea? Over my dead body. I really do not see it happening, my stupid media friends. Haven't heard anything dumber in a long time.

Besides the West Ham disgrace last night, there was also the little matter of the relegation dogfight. Crikey, it was fun...with Fulham winning against Ass Brums, and Reading losing. Nothing would give me more pleasure than seeing Birmingham relegated. Serves them right for depriving us of Eduardo, and costing us the four points that separates us from the leaders. May they rot in the lower reaches for all eternity, and may Taylor and McFadden serve out the rest of their piddling careers in mediocre anonymity.

I've got mixed feelings about Bolton actually. We've all hated fat Sam and the Bolton of old, but this Bolton under Gary Megson is slightly less hate-able. Good for them that they're fighting to stay up. Beat Chelski for us on the last day, why don't you!

OK then. Here's to our last game at the Emirates. My money's on another 7-0. Without Arteta, they're just another Wigan in disguise.

Flamini is Histori. Piti.

[UPDATE: Looks like it's not quite a done deal yet. Le Boss has extended his deadline to Monday. Not sure whether that's a good or bad omen. Maybe it's just his agent squeezing a little bit more out of Milan. Is it coincidence though, that there's suddenly news of Gattuso wanting to come to England?]

Well, it looks like Flamini has said arrivederci to his team mates. Supposedly, his words were something along the lines of: "I have decided that I will be going to Milan." Similar last lines include:

"I've decided that I am gay, and I want a divorce."
"I've decided that I really like you...like a sister."
"I've decided that I'll be leaving you, and it's all for you. You need the space from me."
"I've decided that you're too good for me."

I hope Gallas told him in reply, "Vell, you can fouck off, Mathieu. You've always been zis fuggin' Italien, pretending to be a man, Francais, like me. Fouck off, and I 'ope you 'av a good time sitting on ze bench at a UEFA Cuup game against some sheet team next year. Merde!"

As you can tell, I've been thinking about this. Now why would he choose Milan? Definitely not Champions League football (erm, methinks Arse have got a place next year, not Milan. And I think we whipped them a short while ago). Definitely not the scudetto. (The last I counted, Milan were 23 points behind Inter. Arse are 4 behind). So, what could it be?

Let's be honest. The age of club loyalty is long gone. So what we're looking at is just some basic level of loyalty and gratitude. We have as given that these chaps will want to move on at some point, so it's a matter of time. What I'd have done is sign on to a new contract, and see how the next season goes with Arse. After all that he has put in, wouldn't he be at least curious to see how this team develops? Just one or two more seasons? He ain't that old. Then, if his stock rises, then by jove, it'd really rise. Imagine moving from a team that are Champions and/or European Champions. Of course, there is the possibility there he has no faith in either his or his team's ability.

So let's see, what are his real motivations? The £60,000 per week after tax? The £20 gazillion contract spread over 5 years - affordable since he's moving for free?

But the crux must be that he felt undervalued. Let me then say this: I have no doubt that in time, he will come to be overvalued at Milan. Come season 2010/2011, he should find himself kissing Sylvain Wiltord's old coach ass in the lower reaches of the French 2nd division. Niort sound like a good enough team? (I like the sound of it, actually!)

More ridiculous news. Avram the Alien's upset that Curbs likes Sir. Eeks! Curbs actually said something sweet about Sir and his team, and Avram the Alien's not happy. Well, what Curbs said may not have been the most clever, but since when have we judged West Ham managers by their intellect? Who cares what he says about "injustices" should Man U not win? But Avram's response is classic alien.

Doesn't the Alien just remind you of that fat kid who for some unknown reason nobody liked? Who then goes about trying to prove himself, being upset that despite the fact that he has all the coolest toys, nobody still likes him? Then goes and makes things worse by pissing everyone off? Hmm. Sounds right to me. Get a life, Alien. You're in the running for double. Be a man, stop crying and shut the #!@! up.

Precautions on Precautions

I won’t utter a word on the Chelski-Pool game. Too painful with the Lampard drama, the Grant drama, and the Pool vacillation.

First, some reported words from Kolo on Henry’s return:

"He’ll be very welcome to come back, because I think he’s an Arsenal legend, he can still score a lot of goals, and we will be much better...So of course we will welcome him with a lot of joy and happiness because we all know that with him we’ll be better.

I’ll try to speak to him soon, we’ll try and convince him to come back to his home. I think he’ll come back to play in England, at Arsenal, because he did so much for the club and I know that the fans still have him in their heart."

Well, well, well. Who knows. Let’s see what happens. In any case, it could be a really good “precautionary” move, as a precaution for any injuries that RVP may pick up next season. He was removed as a “precaution” on Monday, and will miss Sunday’s game as a “precaution” again. So as another “precaution”, we should take lots of “precautionary” moves, like get Henry back.

As for other signings, there’s talk of Mark Milligan (who??), Robert Green, Gareth Barry and Michael Johnson. The word it seems, is that Milligan is meant to be a direct swop for Flamini. Interesting... Considering that till now we’ve heard absolutely nothing about it, then I’d say the confirmation is spot on, and most Wenger-esque. I won’t bother even talking about the others. The strongest rumours concern Johnson, but let’s see what kind of price they put on good English meat. As it stands, it looks like we may be “priced out” of the race for Barry.

Great interview with David Dein right here. Lots of good to hear, nice to know kinda talking points. Funny last points on foreign investors:

“For the Glazers at Manchester United, Thaksin Shinawatra at Manchester City and Roman Abramovich at Chelsea, the reward and the dividend will be when their team win a trophy. Don't forget, Chelsea won nothing for 50 years.

All of a sudden, Abramovich lands his spaceship in southwest London and they win two championships. That's his job satisfaction. The man at Manchester City, for example, is not expecting to recoup five or seven percent or whatever you get in the bank today. Football clubs are not an investment.”

Spaceship indeed. So that explains Grant. He's not an orc, just an alien. It’s also clear now. Thaksin wants trophies at City. Good luck to him, and whomever else he brings to take over from Sven.

Let’s have more of a review of Sunday’s game over the weekend. Hopefully by then, we’ll have sorted out the Hleb-ini affair.