The Happening

Something's happening at the Emirates, and I think M Night Shyamalan foresaw it when he wrote the script for his latest movie. It must be the trees. They're making the players mad, suicidal, delusional, the works.

First, it was Ade, who began to be speak out of his anus. Now, it's Hleb, who's also developed that eerie ability. His targets: Le Boss and for some unknown reason (maybe jealousy) Cesc.

About Le Boss: "My view of how I should be playing didn't coincide with the manager's...It may turn out he's happy to see me go."

About Cesc: "When we get scoring opportunities, Fábregas is much more selfish than me," he said. "Given a chance to shoot, he always goes for it - unlike me."

Well, blow me over (or fuck me in normal parlance). Any ant with an iota of self awareness would have looked back on his performances and found the opportunity to say:

"My name is Alex. I have a problem. I can't shoot." (Applause, yay! Yes, Alex, well done!)

"Never have been able to. I'm too scared. That's why I pass it. Even when it's easier to shoot, even when they're shouting for me to shoot, not pass, I still pass. I don't know why."

"I know I have bad thoughts about my team mates. I can't help it." (Applause. It's okay, Alex, continue)

"I know it's up to me. Only I can make myself shoot. I know I can't stand it that I don't score more, and I hate it that everyone scores more than me. I shouldn't blame anyone else. It's me."

"I can't shoot, and it's not just on the pitch..."

Anyway, adios, Alex. So long. Since you "prefer" Barca, I hope they're willing to pay at least £20m. Together with the £30m for Ade, I think we've got a pretty good kitty for Nasri, Arshavin, Huntelaar, and just about anyone else.

As for Ade, well, good for Le Boss that he' sticking to his guns and not moving on either his wage demands or the transfer fee.

Speaking of Arshavin, the comments from his agent are (as is the case for all agents) freakin' hilarious!

First, looks like Mr Andrei, Sir, would only accept offers from the four English teams in the Champions League, and not from the crap shites "like Newcastle, Middlesbrough and Aston Villa." hahahahahaha!! Don't think they even considered him, so I feel kinda sad that they got slimed for nothing. Not.

So it's down to us or Chelski for a Russian (who can't pay for his own chicks) signature. Go figure how that one will end up. I'm glad for that. The kind of cash that's being talked about. Ridiculous. No way near worthwhile for a lightweight 27 year old. Romano Bloody Bitch can go deal with it.

Arsewiper needs to go convalesce. Till tomorrow.